Monday, December 11, 2017

I still get jealous

Dear Zach,

I am extremely jealous. I feel like my hand is shaking with huge load of emotion with mixture of anger and disappointment. I know I have no right to be jealous over something I should not be jealous at the first place. 

I refuse to kiss and tell. Somehow I can't help it to share my sexual escapades to my regular sex buddy. I am not sure what has gotten over me. 

One day, my fav regular sex buddy texted me since he was off that day. 

When I told him I was gonna fuck him again. 

"Again?" He replied.

"You afraid?" 

"Ya a bit. But its okay. I am here for you." 

"But you have to moan softer this time because my parents are sleeping next door. hehe." I replied.

After an hour, I looked into my phone and he said: "Go slow and easy should be fine. I met a guy last week he fucked me so hard til I bled. No one has ever fucked me til bled before that's why I scare."

I was so angry. Jealous. And extra jealous. I can't help it. 

I replied monotonously. He asked if I was sad or jealous. 

Thing was going well and we planned to meet up that night. Even if he came over, I wouldn't have the mood to fuck him anymore. 

I told him I was a bit tired and don't come too late. Seemingly he seemed unconcern about it, he said: "hmmm we can meet someday next time if you want."

Without further ado, I hit back "okay." 

I really hate putting so much emotion into sex. Knowingly it wouldn't bring much good to us. 

I was waiting for him last week but he found others instead. I am so disappointed as I shouldn't be. 


Monday, December 4, 2017

Reason Why I Don't Date

Dear Zach,

After nights of contemplating and thinking of the sole reason why I refuse to date or start a serious relationship, I have finally come to the terms to that. Or should I put it this way, the core reason for that.

I am financially unavailable. 

For those you may be thinking, "Dating or starting a relationship does not cost a penny." Let me break it down for you one by one. 

I live in a city with a salary just adequate for myself alone. I live with my parents. I drive my mum's car to work. I do not have to pay rent and no commitment issue. I am free for that. The expenses which include gas and teleservice are less than RM400. I extract a sum of my salary for my own saving and parent's allowance. All and all, this comes down to remaining RM1000. RM500 for my food allowance and another RM500 for emergency uses. My dad has paid off my PTPTN loan in which I am truly grateful for that. I am debt free and I couldn't ask for more. 

Typical dating cost averagely RM1000 per month. 

1. Movies - RM18-20 for movie tickets/ popcorns and shit RM15. So there goes RM30-40 per movie going. A month will cost RM160. 

2. Lunch and Dinner (assuming you date all day with your man) - fancy eat out costs RM15-25 per portion. RM12 for beverages. Total = 25 + 12 = RM37 per fucking meal. RM74 for 2 typical meals.

3. Hang out and chill at fancy cafe - A cup of coffee cost RM12. RM15 for large. RM9 for cakes. Total RM21 for just sitting and eating a fucking cakes. 

4. If he's working out at high end gym, you may be very likely workout with him at his gym - gym membership RM189 - RM200 per month. 

5. Miscellaneous - Minimum RM100-200 a gift to make each other happy. 

A month of typical dating as shown above would cost RM950 to or more than RM1200. You can calculate based on your frequency of dating. 

So, you can see how much it costs to spend for a date. Literally a date could drain you as much money from your wallet as it could. Unless he's rich, sadly I am not rich. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. That amount of money for a month can be used for so much occasion. Why would I want to spend for meaningless date whereby it will eventually lead to break up as commonly it will be? 

You probably think that he would surely understand my situation and he will pay for everything when we date. Clearly, one has a limit too! I can't expect him to pay for everything and not feeling guilty about it. Sooner or later, he would get fed up with me and call me as gold-digger. Typical gay guy loves to hang out at the mall. How much sex can we offer for a day if we were to stay home? Clearly, one of us would be bored of each other. 

They said "No matter what, you have to spend some money in dating.". This is why I don't date. Can't you see how much it cost? 

If both are attracted to each other just because of sex, why not just have sex and get it done? Sex is free and liberal. 

I choose sex over date. That's why. 










Sunday, December 3, 2017

Passive

Dear Zach,

I don't know why I am like this, I am getting more and more passive in terms of socializing. I hardly initiate a text to anyone lately. I found myself that I have no reason to do so. Because of that, I lost a lot of opportunities in meeting good lad. Because of that, I've pushed away the guy I loved.

It's okay. I am never worthy enough to be loved. I am never worthy enough for everyone.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

I Miss Missing You

Dear Zach,

There were times when I was thinking what I did wrong to deserve to be alone all the time. I was never loved by any man in my life. I loved him but he did not. Probably I was seeking for attention.

I was given advice that I should stop dabbling around having sex with random guys for good. Probably the stupidest shit I've ever heard. As if I stop doing that, the man you love will come to you sooner. I don't believe that. Some guy abstain himself for a years yet he's still single. Probably they should try harder enough to be single to get a guy.

Out of the blue tonight, I just missed him.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Sext Back

Dear Zach,

It is totally not surprising the fact that my phone was busy receiving incoming message mostly from hookups I met, those who I plan to meet, and those who I don't intend to meet. We chatted over hookup apps, getting to know the basic, and eventually came down to the sexual topic we both dying to know about. Thing was going on pretty well for a week. When the days gone by, it all boiled down to zero. Neither of us were bothered to text each other. It's either me waiting for him to text first or him waiting for my text. Some were even so irritating. For instance, I was under the weather for a week with flu and terrible cough, this guy I met two weeks ago was keeping up with my condition every day. First I thought, he was nice for concerning about me. Then it was not so nice. Every time by the end of the chat, he always kept assuming that I would be able to meet him up either that night itself or the night after. I was being polite to decline because I was not in the mood for sex due to my illness. He seemed to not understand. To one extent, I told him: "I want to meet you. But not now. You don't have to keep asking the same thing." It was blunt and honest. He texted me the next day again. I was reluctant to reply him back. The conversation ended half way. So last night, I tried texting him again, gauging his response. Well, he did not text back again. I understand. It is just sex. As I always said, if sex were to be removed from the equation, mostly we have nothing else better to offer. We are boiled down to the level of superficial. No surprise there, without sex, none of the relationship is working. Probably I should start a spring cleaning for my contact list. 

Sunday, November 26, 2017

nonmonogamous dating

Dear Zach,

It has been years that I have been discovering myself physically and sexually. But I couldn't put my finger on what I really want. I thought of having a boyfriend whenever I feel lonely. When sex was done, I feel like I needed attention rather than a physical being by my side. I gave thought of having an open relationship with someone. Though, the notion is intrigue. That being said, the jealousy of me having a thought of my man fucking around would definitely surpass the brim of my cup - overflowed. So open relationship for me is definitely not working. I am the type that "you for me; me for all." If you know what I mean. I am selfish that way. 

Today, I came across this read about a girl who isn't ready settle down with one guy but want to date with a few guy, dabbling around with one-night-stands. She enjoys the way she's having it but she felt somewhat missing something yet she insists on not readying for a serious relationship. She called it as "nonmonogamous dating". It's like you enjoy meeting guys you really like on sexually and intellectual level. It somehow describes my current circumstance so perfectly. 

In fact, I am learning a lot about my sexuality through interacting with distinctly different partners. One week, I met 3 different guys. On Monday, I met A. On Wednesday, I met B. If I am not sexually tired, I would be on Grindr scoaching for guys. Yes, this is me on daily basis. I have 3 regular partners: Two of them are my favorite - sex was great with them, but there was so much more than that we connected. Somehow sex has deepened our connection.

And I learn a lot about Guys too. You can call me Sexpert. The more guys I met, the more I know better of myself in what I really want from myself. I learn about experiences from the guys I met about their tragic break up, hooks up, high and low in relationship, and it further pursues me that monogamous relationship is not my thing to be sought after anymore. It has become so unrealistic people want to be in it because it has to after seeing people got into relationship on Facebook. Y'all may think I am just creating an excuse for being a hoe. I am fine with it. I am actually happier that way. I do not need to deal with jealousy. I do not need to deal with worrisome petty argument. And I do not need to deal with boredom. People are actually open-minded with relationship. Depending on how you project your relationship in anyway you wish. But, sadly, most guys are living back in 90s', thinking monogamous relationship will bring us happily ever after. 

Monday, November 20, 2017

Gay Apps Ready

Dear Zach,

Since I've moved on, I have downloaded Grindr, Blued, Tinder, and Hornet to make myself readily available.

I have been busy switching between these apps. I was hooked to Tinder at first, as the week went by, guys in there are just for show. Conversation always ended in 4 or 6 sentences. I don't bother to go along. I haven't hooked up with anyone yet in Grindr. The choices of man is multifarious I can't bring myself to be picky. I am obsessed with Blued. Blued has instilled with its specialty of having a live feature by selecting "public" or "private". Good Lord. The first time I did public live of myself I was so nervous. But the thrill excites me and my dick. I gained a number of followers from there. When I switched to private life to selected guys, I bare all and show them what I got. There was one time I whatsapp one of my newly met sex buddy saying that we should do a "private live" sex for the audience. He was so hyped for it. The thought of it turns me on. Hornet is always my go-to hook up paradise with the amount of malay guys in there. I see some potential guys in there. Anyway, I try not to think about it.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Back On Top

Dear Zach,

I wasn't going about blog this but I blog it anyway. It is so groundbreaking. For y'all.

One night, I invited one of my regular sex partner over to my house when my parents were away for wedding dinner. As usual, we made out. We love making out because he is such a good kisser. FYI, he's versatile. But I know him long enough, so I didn't mind keeping him. We have good chemistry all along. We did 69 position and at one point I wanted to rim his ass out. He has such a nice bumpy ass. While he was sucking my dick with his slippery mouth on top of me, I dived into his ass and started eating his ass. I couldn't stop. My tongue was finding way to penetrate his hole. It felt so good. 

Then I asked, "Can I fuck you?"

He was eye-wided. "Really? You sure? Your dick is kinda huge." 

"No worry. I will go slow."

Without hesitation, he positioned himself on his stomach, I kept rimming his ass while I put on the condom. Without a sec, I slide my cock into him. I didn't know what came over me for making me being the top now. I was dominant. I wrapped him from behind and making out while undulating my hips for further penetration. Inside of me hoping that I won't cum too soon because I wish to enjoy. Usually, I came fast when I fuck and that's so embarrassing. 

The view of his round ass being penetrated turned me on even more, I fucked him hard enough to moan so loud. 

"It feel so good." He said.

"yeah.. oh god. Your ass is so good." I whispered in his ear. "you are the first guy I fuck in 2 years." 

This continued for at least 20 minutes. My dick turned soft because of my daily ritual masturbation in the shower room after work. Probably my dick was worked out. Not bad for a fresh start of being a top. 

Since my dick turned soft, he flipped me over into missionary position, and his turn to fuck me. 

He cum a river. I didn't. 

We washed ourselves and back to bed cuddling. We talked and kissed in between. 

"I really enjoy fucking you. Oh god. I can't believe I fuck someone after 2 years of being pure bottom." 


Now, the thought of being top has turned me on. Not sure if I should continue back being a bottom. 


Thursday, November 9, 2017

Miss Moving On

Dear Zach,

Over the weeks, there were some malay guys hit me up in Instagram and Hornet. We chat a little. Getting to know each other a little bit better. Then they gone missing for days without a text.

I wasn't supposed to be upset over this petty stuff. But I was. So upset. With their mind thinking of fucking me.

Am I just a piece of meat to them?

Anyway, I've moved on from all those depressing rejection I've gotten.

Probably I won't need a relationship for the time being. I can't get anyone who is sincerely enough to ask me for date.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Tired To Please

Dear Zach,

I'm reaching to the point that I was so tired of these sliding message in my Instagram account and begin with friendly greeting to the where he started saying horny and shit.

Is this what am I supposed to get from men? Is that it?

They see me as sex object?

Why can't they say something nice to me?

I'm gonna respect myself before I throw myself into another lie again.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Paranoia

Dear Zach,

I'm still debating to blog about this. 

Even though I was tested clean last Saturday. But, on Sunday, I had sex with this Malay daddy for the second time. It was great sex. He fucked so hard for the last few minutes before he cum. But the only thing that irked me was that I wasn't sure if the condom slipped off when he cum or it slipped off when he pull out that time. I was extremely paranoid. I even checked the condom while he was showering. It didn't have any white remnants. He said he came last night so probably not much cum in the condom. Which I resort to the notion of cumming inside of me. I did try to shit it out afterward, nothing came out. 

On the way back home, I asked if he's clean, last sex with, safe sex and last checkup. His last checkup was July 2017. Not sure if I am afraid. On Tuesday, my throat is itching. Then I have a mild fever. My paranoia began. I texted him again if he's telling the truth. He got fed up with me. Saying I shouldn't be having sex at all.

"If I were to be infected, probably God punished me for my undoing. Hopefully I won't spread it to others too." I can't blame him for having a go at me. But I was too scare. He said he did not have any rashes or fever or any sort of symptoms. No. None. 

I frantically checked online if the symptoms show in 3 or 4 days after contracting. It's not very likely.  

Probably I was happened to be under the weather these few days? 

Please God. 

Please tell me it's just under the weather. 

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Fuck You

Dear Zach,

I feel foolish. It's okay. At least I know now that I don't really love him as much as I thought I would. Instead, I felt an instant relief. I'm done with him.

I didn't wake up feeling dreadful; I felt a surge of motivation to improve my well-being.

Fuck him. At least I didn't have raw sex with him. Thank God. I still don't trust him saying he didn't meet anyone else. Fuck I would believe him. Every man tells a lie. He ain't shit.

Hope he won't get HIV from the sex he gets. He would have seen it coming.

Monday, October 16, 2017

It's fucking over

Dear Zach,

He wants space. I gave him a fucking space. A space that says "over"

"A lot of thing in my mind to take care of. I need some space."

"I won't bother you anymore."

I made an fucking effort. He didn't. It's over. I deserve someone better than this scumbag. Fuck him.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Annual Checkup For HIV-STD screening

Dear Zach,

So I went for blood test for HIV-STD screening on Monday and got my report back on Saturday. I am tested clean. It's just that I am in the grey zone for Chlamydia. Which mean I may not have it or may have it.
For the safe side, I straightaway went to the panel clinic with my report to get medication. Though I am glad my report came back with negative.



  

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

No Move

Dear Zach,

He has yet made any feedback to me.

And yet he has time for Instagram.

I am not important to him anymore.

I should let him go.


Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Too Little Too Late

Dear Zach,

It wasn't easy for me to deal it.

He was at outstation. He said he will be back here soon and sort this out.

He told me he's meeting a few guys but nothing more than that. It's just beginning of the stage. Getting to know each other but not more than that.

"You have moved on. I understand."

"Options are always open." He said.

I have confessed everything to him. Now the ball is at his side. Whether or not he wants to accept it. It's entirely up to him.

I don't force him. My ultimate goal is to let him know I love him. If he's not interested in me anymore, I perfectly understand.

I guess its too little too late for now. Probably I should move on too.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Confession of Love

Dear Zach,

" ..... I love you ...." I listened to the voice note that I sent to him few hours ago. I said it. Over a voicenote. Confessing my love to him. I did it. I never did such thing.

I wasn't sure why I did it. It just occurred to me when I unwillingly scroll through his Instagram. I left 10 voicenote on whatsapp to him.

I told him he's the only guy I'ever fallen in love with. The first guy I love.

"I'm sorry if I said this now. I do love you a lot. I love you. If you have found someone else, I don't mind. But I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you for the past 2 years. I love you, Adam."  

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Are You Still Raw-Sexing?

Dear Zach,

It's been exactly one week I did not have sex. It's record-breaking. But it's fine. I lost the urge to suck dick every week.

As y'all know, I have a tumblr of my own and I pretty much spend 20 minutes daily just to check on the porns.

I am very intrigue of these guys having bareback sex all the time. I would say 90% of the videos are comprised of bareback sex. They are local malay of course.

It was great to watch. Certainly turn me on so bad. Weren't they scare?

The case of HIV is rising by day. It spreading like crazy. When I was asked for bareback sex, I declined straightaway. I never wanted to risk my life with stupid decision ever again.

Are you still doing it ?

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Shelf Life of Sex Buddy

Dear Zach,

Frankly, I am in constant motion of seeking new tops over the year. I did not settle to one top only. I have more tops than usual. Because I tend to get bored with one top knowing how "well" a top can perform. 

Newfound top can be easily having sex every week. Probably meeting twice a week because we were both crazy for each other. Two weeks later, the hype was dying down a little. From having twice to once weekly to once in two week to once a month. It is a common scenario and before you guys start judging me, most guys tend to seek for new fresh guy for fun as well. I am not ashamed for it. 

There's this vers guy I met in the beginning of the year, we literally have sex every week. Frequency turning down low to once a month. Last I had with him was 31st Aug. It wasn't even sex. He couldn't even hard because he came in the morning. After that, I did not really bother to find him anymore. 

Average "shelf life" of typical sex buddy last around 3 to 4 months. Depending on how much credits you are giving to him in terms of performance. The shortest for me was 3 weeks. Before I knew it, I was scrolling through gay apps looking for potential tops. I heard some of the fuck buddy last for a year. That makes me envious. 

I mean. It is very common, right? There's what these gay apps for. I don't blame my tops looking for others. It makes me jealous but who I am to them? 

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Top? Bottom? Versatile? Vers-Top ? Vers-Bottom?

Dear Zach,

I came across a lot of guys for the past few years and recently I found out that the growing demand of top is drastically increasing. Gay apps are mainly saturated with mostly bottoms or vers-bottoms or vers-tops. To my disappointment, most messages i got are versatile. But when they sensed my dismay of their sexual position as versatile, they quickly said that they were more to top. 

I am proudly to say that I am a total bottom. I enjoyed getting penetrated with huge cocks with fast and hard poundage. And I do suck cock. I love sucking cock. I never liked being a top. Because I don't like it. I tried a few times and it wasn't my thing. Though the bottom likes it; I don't. 

I prefer a total top guy. When comes to the limited selection, I may have prefer vers-top. But never with a vers-bottom. I have invites from vers-bottom. But I don't know I just don't like to fuck with them. Some tops are becoming bottom. They told me that they kinda enjoy it. They asked me to try and fuck them. I rejected instantly. They scene is changing and the tops are going to bottoming direction and less and less tops are available in the market. I wonder why. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Sexual Health Screening Got Rejected Due To Budget Cut

Dear Zach,

This morning I was so ready to go to Klinik Kesihatan in Putrajaya Branch Presint 18 for my annual sexual health screening checkup for free. I went there early morning to avoid crowds. I went for registration and told the officer that I wish to have my sexual health checkup. 

"what's the purpose you want to do this checkup?" She asked.

I was a bit perplexed. She saw my confusion and continued, "For marriage purpose or what?" 

"No. For personal reason." I said. She then further saying that they don't provide screening for personal reason and shit only for marriage purposes are allowed. Then a higher level of officer stepped in and overhead our conversation, he then gave a greenlight for further process. 

I waited for another 20 minutes in a hall full of Malays. I feel alienated. When my number was reached, I entered a sterilized room. A male officer further inquired me for the purpose of doing it again. 

This time he said, "If you have no discharge or pain around and from your penis, then probably you are not in high risk. Unless you wish to check for marriage purpose, then we allow to proceed. Unless you find yourself having symptom, having random sex with random people then we can do it for you."   

When I was about to mentioned the latter reason, he spoke again, "I don't know about that, you will have to see a doctor before we can proceed." 

So I was referred to real malay female doctor, same question ensued. Like what the actual fuck?

"Do you have pain around your groin area? Ulcer? Discharge? Have any rashes? Last sex? With male or female?" 

I answered accordingly. 

"Since you have no symptom and whatnot, we can't proceed you further screening. Not that we do not want to. I understand you wish to do annual checkup for your health status and I fully support your wish. Unfortunately, our klinik is experiencing budget cut and we have limited test kit available.You have to understand as well. Not that we against your will. We have no choice to tell you this. You come at the wrong timing whereby the budget was limited since June this year. If you were to come by next year early January, yes we could do it for you instantly. Don't feel disheartened." She said softly. 

What else can I do since they have such limited budget? 

I went home with a settled heart. Probably if I want to check, I would have to pay a hefty for it.

Should I or Should I not? 


Sunday, September 24, 2017

Ass-tearing Sex

Dear Zach,

It was a sunny day. And then here comes a text in Hornet from a malay guy whom he planned to meet up over the last 2 weeks. But he then deactivated his account and, here again, one week later he showed up with a new account. His hot shot body is already a plus to want him more. I went to his place which is 15 minutes away from my place. 

He greeted me in his boxer when I arrived. We did not talk any thing further. I hurled him forward to his bed and started making out with him. His dark skin toned and his toned body already making me way harder than yesterday. I slipped my hand underneath his boxer and finding myself holding a thick clean shaven 6 inches cut dick. Today was a lucky day. I sucked his dick like I was doing resuscitation on him. My mouth was savoring each of his musky dick taste and literally deep throat every inch of it. 

He is a great top. He fucked like raging beast. My G-spot has been destroyed by his hardcore thrusting. If I were to rate his speed of fucking from 1 to 10, I would say he is 9. I moaned so loud I believed the neighbor could hear us perfectly clear. He came on me but not much. He said he has jerked off in the morning twice. We cuddled and nap for a while before I teased his nipple and dick. His erection was growing hard under my touch. I gave him a deep blow job on him. 

We talked and got to know about each other a bit. He's one year younger than me and working a barrister. When I was about to go, he gave me a kiss. But we deepened the kiss and can't get our hands off each other. 

"You want more." He whispered underneath his breath. I nodded my head and he grabbed another piece of condom and put it on. And fall back into our fav position and fucked the sunny daylight out of me. I was literally moaning for help as he embraced me tightly from my back and thrusting his hardon in Godlike speed. "You want more." His breath was close to my ear. "I'm giving you more." 

In the end, I quickly wear my pants before we go for the 3rd round of sex. I think I'm going to miss him a lot. 

I did not cum though. 

3 Sex With 3 Different Guy in One Night

Dear Zach,

Last night, my place is available from 6pm til 10 pm. My inner hoe did not want to let this chance to slip away. 

7 pm

I invited my one of my regular buddy whom I met few weeks back. He came over, I sucked him good and he fucked me for just barely 10 minutes. I wasn't satisfied enough. I called over a long-time buddy whom I haven't met for a year. 

8 pm

He came right just in time. We chatted a little and before we knew it, we stripped each other naked. He fucked me like there's no tomorrow. Hard pounding in each and every stroke with his 6 inches hard dick. Switching from missionary to doggy to missionary position. Each of his thrust sent me to sky high. It has been so long since I felt this hard poundage. We recorded our sex down. It was so fucking hot. We fucked like that for good ol 1 hour. He came hard inside of me. I did not cum yet. 

9.15 pm

This top who stays a mile away from me texted me again. We have been texting each other since last December. Because I refused multiple request of granting my face picture to him, our conversation died down again and again. This time, he agreed in meeting me without seeing my picture first. So he's taking the risk of having sex with ugly person. He sent his address and I went to his place. He was lean enough to make me hard. His dick picture did not disappoint me in real. A nice cut 6 thick inches dick in my mouth savoring his shaft. He fucked me like a donkey. We took a rest in between because his dick soften. I was exhausted because of previous 2 sex i had. We fucked like 1 hour plus. He said he could go on for 2 hours. I can't blame him because he is a endurance athlete. Normally endurance runner has high stamina for sex. But tonight he was back from a run and he cum in the morning, so he was tired to go on. In the end, he sped up his thrusting and cum on body. I love it. We rested a while and chat a little before I went back home.

11.15 pm

This top black guy hit me up in hornet. I thought he wanted to fuck. Well, I was still horny because I did not cum yet. Probably I could go for 4th round of sex with a top black guy. He said he was in somewhere chilling with his mate. So probably tomorrow. 

I went back home and cum a river. 

  







Monday, September 18, 2017

These Hoe Ain't Loyal

Dear Zach,

(I'm writing this with my newly bought laptop that costed me with dirt cheap price of RM1.7K with considerable specs and outlook. My first ever laptop that bought using my own money.)

I can't settle down yet partly due to work commitment; Mainly because I get bored easily with men.

I have a few regular sex partners. I get bored with one man. And I like to try different sex from different man they could offer. You might think I am a slut - Yes. I am a slut. I don't mind to admit it. I like to have sex with different men. Though, not every top I would prefer. I have my own choice of men to have with. As you already know, Malay guy is my top preference. I don't know why. I have been asked for this plenty of time over gay hookup apps. Asking why I prefer malay top not any other races since I am chinese. I can't answer to myself. Probably because Malays are more friendlier and good in sex as compared to Chinese. That's what I think. 

I am not loyal. When my regular hookup asked if I am seeing anyone except him, I lied that he was the only one I am having sex with. Probably I don't want him to feel bad or probably the guilt thing washed over me. I lied about my loyalty. I don't want them to think I am a slut but in actuality I am a slut. I totally understand why most gay guys cheated on each other when they are in couple. You can't deny the fact that new fresh meats are coming up better than us when we were young. Those young lads are buff and muscular and a lot of options to choose from. Guys at over 40s prefer guys less than 25 year old. Lean, toned, muscular is their top option. I ain't getting any younger. I am 24 this year. I am closing my age to mid twenties. I can't deny the fact that the imminent aging has frantically reduced my sex value in market. These young lads are seriously young, good looking and buff and it makes me so jealous of them for being young and hot for attracting guys for wanting them. 

I ain't loyal hoe. Since those fresh young lad doesn't mind my age, I also won't mind for them for being young and horny. I got to try a few young malay lad and they fuck like a donkey. It was amazing but the connection wasn't there. I understand that. Sex only. Most gay guys ain't loyal. 


Sunday, September 10, 2017

Decluttering. Minimalist.

Dear Zach,

I am becoming more and more of a minimalist. 

For the past few months, I was downsizing my items. I threw away unused stuffs. I donated my shirts which had not been worn for years for charity. I threw away books I never read. I gave away facial cream like sunblock SPF 60+ to my mum to which she finds the complexion for her skin is too dark. She threw it away. I stopped taking health supplement which does nothing significantly to my health. I drink only plain water. Less sugar. Eat only veges and eggs. Avoid eating meat as much. 

I am keeping the bare minimal essential to myself. Just that I haven't painted my room in white color to further accentuate the concept of minimalist. My mum thinks I'm crazy for throwing out stuff out of the blue. I told her that I was wearing my uniform more than the casual shirt I wear when I go out. It is not necessary for keeping so much clothes in my closet as I have no chance of wearing them at all. Even if I do, a round-necked shirt and short pant would be to-go for me.

I removed a lot of contacts from my phone. Only my family and co-workers are on my list. I deleted Instagram - it's too much comparing and unhealthy to be seeing pictures. I removed it because I still can live without it. 

I literally feel so much lighter physically and mentally. 

Saturday, September 9, 2017

#Throwback Post

Dear Zach,

Just want to do a throwback post.

The darkest day of my life I had ever been through.

I want to bury it. Never let it see the daylight again. But I decided that past is the past. A great lesson for me now.

Here's the post back in 2013: TWENTYSIXOFDECEMBER

Blogging is dying down

Dear Zach,

The hype of blogging is slowly dying down for the past few years. When I started blogging with this channel on 2011, most gay bloggers seemed to be engaging with blog post every single day with their life, sex, and relationship. It was a huge hype back then whereby we got to know stories from all kinds of gay people around the world as I was so fascinated by all the encounters they had been through. As I grew older, my sexual encounters multiplied. There were more to write on my blog. 

I got to know a few bloggers over the internet and we got to exchange a few casual chat, but nothing serious about furthering our casual acquaintance. I never met anyone from blog in person. I don't intend to. It was plain awkward as we both know our life has been written all over the internet. What's the point of meeting up when we both knew what's happening already?     

I never hooked up with anyone from blogger. Nor anyone who personally emailed me. I am grateful for everyone who has ever emailed to me by sending your regards. I appreciated. 

2 years back, I slowly realized that most gay bloggers I followed had stopped writing anymore. The last posts most I saw was 18 months ago. I am not sure why. Probably because blogging isn't for everyone and it was just a hype. There are only few active blogger left. Those inactive I had unfollowed from my reading list. And those gay bitches who hated me I have certainly unfollowed. 
I seriously don't give 2 fucks about who hated me over one of my blog post. I had once written a blog post and it sparks hatred against me for being insensitive. Like seriously? Should I care about your feeling before I wrote? People are just plain dumb. I definitely unfollowed those who always write about sad, depressing shit about their exes and life. As if my life isn't miserable enough already. I don't need that shit. 

It was such a shame actually. Blogging is a good platform for writing your stuff. But people take it for granted by looking for fame. 

For those who don't like to read it, I don't actually care. 


Sunday, September 3, 2017

Sex Date For Now; Not Gonna Date In Years

Dear Zach,

Am I ever going to get a boyfriend? 

I don't think so. Probably not in 8 years time or so. 

At the mean time, sex date is working best for me. I don't have to worry about him cheating behind my back. I just called whoever available over to my place and fuck. 

This works best for me. I don't think dating is the time for me now. I even told off a lot of potential guys who want a relationship that I couldn't commit for now. Some I even said that I prefer sex dates at the moment. 

"okay..." they said. They gone missing then. They can fuck off actually. 

I am happier that way. No string attached. I don't believe in love anyway. So yeah.. I don't see the point of rushing into a relationship just for attachment purpose. I can't blame some people who are desperate for that. Probably because they have no life goal, aim, or future plan for themselves. So they resort to thinking having a relationship as a goal. I have my own future plan laid out and relationship is never part of it.   

As I grow older, the more young fresh malay lads are coming out from the closet and seeking for sex. I would have to keep my option open. Call me a slut. Young lads these days are much hornier than you think. I like that. Let's see how it goes.     


Malay Only

Dear Zach,

Since the beginning of this year, I have been fucking with Malay cocks only.

I strictly forbid Chinese cocks penetrated into my ass. I only suck Malay cocks. Getting fucked by Malay cocks.

I don't fancy Chinese guys anymore due to several reason:

1. They are kinda rude.

2. Mostly bad at sex.

3. They are unhygienic.

4. They are so dramatic.

Abovementioned factors had gotten me slowly changing my sexual preference to Malays. My blow job skill has gotten better when I started sucking malay cocks. Esp most malays are carrying with big cocks. That's even better. Malays are hygienic and usually polite.

Most of the time, I invited them to my house after work.

Hornet is the only gay hook-up apps I have been using over the months. It seriously gave me a wide choices of malay guy to choose to hook up with.

Though I never had a chance of getting fucked by hunky malay yet.



Saturday, September 2, 2017

Desperado

Dear Zach,

There was this guy who spontaneously facebook-messaged me when I woke up one morning. 

"Hi there. Can I get to know you?"

He was cute, tall, tan, and has nice set of chest. 

"Yeah. Sure." I replied.

We exchanged few messages and I got to know that he is quite desperate to settle down with someone. We didn't chat after that for 2 weeks.

Today, he whatsapped me again. 

Again. He mentioned that he was lonely for the past few days. Settled down with busy work and finally get to realize what is of importance. And telling me his feeling toward having a relationship after seeing most of his co-workers are attached. And saying that he was a traditional guy who wants to settle down by age of 40, which ultimately implying that he should be dating by now. 

I asked him why he want to settle down so bad. 

 


I mean. You are just desperate. Enough to say. Because you are seeing everyone around you starting dating and having great relationship it makes you want one. 

I am not really interested in him actually. His desperation of having a bf is so imminent and it puts me off a little. He is a decent hot guy but if he is being desperate like now he will never get anyone. I hate desperate guy. Plus I told him my financial situation of having difficulties in dating and I have my future plans all involve money. I couldn't possibly have the time to date due to work commitment issue which is true. I work 6 days a week and barely have time to rest. And he is Chinese and I am much more preferring Malay guys. 

So yeah.. I just entertained him a while and continued browsing through Hornet and looking for potential Malay cocks. 

I prefer malay cocks. Any malay guy wanna hit me up? 







Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Jealous

Dear Zach,

I got extremely jealous these days. 

I got jealous of my regular tops when they told me they fucked other guys out there over text exchange as we planning to meet up. When they told me about their gory details, I got extremely jealous and my response was monotonous and sarcastic, and I cancelled the plan of meeting up in the end. Esp when they told me "it was awesome!". Like, do you really expect me to acknowledge your sex experience knowing that the bottom you fucked was better than me?

There are some tops who are happened to be versatile whom I do not know much even though they fucked me good. I'm so jealous of versatile gay guy. Like they can fuck and be fucked like a slut. And I don't fancy my top to be a versatile at all. I don't fancy the notion of my top to be fucked by a top. That's major turn off for me. There's one regular top I always meeting up with him, I did not know he is a versatile until one night we chat and he told me about it. He gave such a great sex but knowing the fact that he is a versatile put me off a little.

I hate bisexual guy. Because they are even more sluttier than versatile gay guy. They get to fuck female and male. And the way they treated me like a sex toy. I hate that and I will never fuck with them.

I know I have absolutely no right to be jealous about. 

I don't know why I was jealous about them. Probably I shouldn't be asking them about sex and their last sex. Better yet, stay celibate. 

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

I Love You

Dear Zach,

Our last text exchange was 2 weeks ago.

I was waiting for your text.

I just want to tell you that I do miss you a lot. I want to fall in love with you. I couldn't.

But I do love you. I love you.

But seemingly God want to pull us apart. We can never be accommodating for each other.

I hope you can find your love one in future. I love you. May you and your future partner be happy always.

I miss you. I love you.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Away

Dear Zach,

I've been too immersing myself in Social Media to the extent I almost forgot who I am.

I need some time off from Instagram. It's too intoxicating. I need to step back before I got too attached to it.

Meanwhile, I just need some time off to think.

Friday, August 11, 2017

I miss you

Dear Zach,

It is too common; It is too basic to hear this 3 words 8 letters.

Slowly I've got to realize that it is not something lovely to be said by someone you care anymore.

Guys saying it when they are horny; Guys saying it when they are bored; Guys saying it when they want your attention.

As much as I wanted to retort with a savagely mean reply, I couldn't.

Because that's what I really want to hear from them. Be it they are horny or bored, I want to hear it. I want to be missed. I want to be felt important. I want to be loved. Most probably I, myself, wanting attention as much as they do.  

Frustration. Given up. It's all about sex. It's never about love. It never was.

I was their sex toy. They never really missed me.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Just Sex

Dear Zach,

For my whole life, I always tell people that I've never been in a relationship. 

"Really? For real?" They seem genuinely surprised. 

It is not that I do not want to; I could not find someone compatible. All of my time is spent in my job. I have much better thing to do other than falling in love.

As much as I want to, all the guys I've come across with mostly into my ass more than in my personality. Not sure if it is a curse or my life has been fated that way, I always ended up with someone in my bed with dick down my throat and my ass spread wide opened. I couldn't blame myself because part of me love sex so much its hurt. And I have high sexual carnal. 

There are few times when I attempted to make a meaningful conversation with my regular sex buddy before having sex, just right after I closed the door shut and turned around, their tongue were already seeking my mouth and deep down my throat before I could speak a word. Needless to say, I was stripped naked in few seconds and brought to my bed. 

Sometimes I wish they could actually send me a text at 12 pm, not 12 am, asking me out a date or something that would be nice. My phone will only be busy when the time closes to 10 pm. 

For the past years, I've never been to a proper date. Nor I ever ask for it. Probably thing goes easier for both of us that way. No string attached. No commitment. Just sex. 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Sex Every Week

Dear Zach,

It's been a while. 

I do periodically check out some blogs just to know how they are doing. 

I do read less over the past months. I can't afford to buy anymore books to read due to time constraint. 

I work 10 hours a day for 6 days. Basically I spent my time at my work place more than at my home. Coherently, my sexual carnal was shot up high for the past few months. 

Pretty much every week I had sex in every two days; I jerked off everyday. I've added two new malay guys into my list of booty call. For the past 4 weeks, I've been inviting this new top over the night and fuck me senseless. He's pretty handsome for a vet doctor and I can't get enough of him. Two weeks ago, this second new malay guy hit me up again after ignoring me over a chat. Though my heart planned to ignore him back, but my dick said no. He looks quite cute and pretty handsome. He seems intimidated by me. He is such a good kisser and rimmer, but just lack a bit of topping skill. 

Two nights ago, a malay guy hit me up on Hornet. Despite the fact that I had sex on Monday and Wednesday, I decided to chat up with him. He seems persistent in meeting up even I refuse to send my face pic. In the end, I sent him a pic before he was on the way here. He looks typically Malay. I got so turned on by his look. He likes to play rough. He suck my nipples and chew on it. And hugged me tightly as if I would go away. He has smooth tan complexion which turned me on even more. His rimming skill was A1. He groped my ass and shoved his dick inside on me from my back. I can tell that he likes it rough, but I enjoyed the new taste of sex. He came hard. 

After washing himself, we cuddled on bed and getting to know each other. He lives in Penang and outstation somewhere nearby. Today was the last day here. But he frequents outstation to KL. He broke up with his two-year relationship boyfriend 6 months ago due to falling out. They have become enemy since then. I asked if his ex boyfriend love rough sex. "Yeah.. he loves it when I chew on his nipple and fuck him rough. He likes it rough. And he has high sex drive. We used to have sex everyday before we both go outstation for work." He said, kissing me in my lips. A ping of jealousy hit me. I dismissed quickly. When he about to leave, we kissed goodbye. But both of us refuse to let go. Our kiss deepened. His dick growing hard again and pressing against me. I dropped down on my knee and suck him hard. He couldn't take it anymore and fucked me second time. I hugged him from the back after we done. "I should be going before we get into third round. Ha.". This was my first time having two sex in one night. 


Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Me as Grand Prize

Dear Zach,

"I finally get to meet you." and continued kissing me, caressing my naked body and untie my towel around my waist while he was still dressed. This was the 3rd time I heard it from the guys I met for the first time. 

I'm not sure why they said it. Or maybe they said it because they finally get the grand prize of winning. Probably the latter. He was the 4th new guy I met last night in months. We had come across each other over Instagram some time in last year. We planned to meet up and fuck but to no avail. Reason because that time he was staying way too far from my place and I thought it wasn't really wise to travel back and forth just to have sex. Since then, I decided to cut him off. 

Recently, I found out that he has shifted somewhere relatively near my home. So I tried my luck and hit him up few days back. Last night, he came over my place at 10.30 pm. Frankly, he looks better in person than in pictures. 

We were making out on my bed and I was so ready to get pounded. I sucked his cut dick so badly for full 5 minutes. I really do enjoy sucking Malay dick these days - cut, long, thick, and fit just nice in my mouth and deep down my throat, and clean. For the next 1 hour, I was thoroughly fucked and boyyy he was so good. He told me he could go on for hours but since he's fasting and back from gym, he was tired. I said "You did great." My ass was literally tearing up. 

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Marry You

Dear Zach,

"Babe, let's get married!" he said it, over the text. We were in the middle of the text conversation when he popped up this.

"What? lol." I knew he was joking. Maybe halfheartedly. "Why get married?"

"I don't know. I just want to marry you. Be my wife. So that you are only mine."

It's been six months since we last talked. Two weeks ago, I received a text message from him out of the blue saying "I miss you."

We traded texts. Nothing significant. Just usual morning and night greeting. He didn't bother to say much about himself from his side; Neither do I. He sent me goodnight kiss via text on the third night. I did not reply anymore. Since then, we remained silent.


----------------------------------------------


"I would marry you." He kissed me on my lips. We were both naked on my bed as I was snuggling with him.

"oh really?" I took a good look at him, actually he's not that bad. We met up for the third time at my place. He gave me good sex always. I always crave for him more. But he's a pilot - that's the limiting factor.

He slowly slid down his hand to my anus, trying to sink his finger into my butthole. I knew he wanted it.

I gave in.

 

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Lust For Life

Dear Zach,

"This song is nice. Who sings it?" He was on his elbow, peeking over my laptop, the scent of post-intense sex was so heavy I could barely breathe. This was our third time meeting up at my place for sex. He always leave me wanting more of him. He's average looking. Average built. But he has a nice ass. Sex with him was always splendid. I tried so hard not to moan so loud while my parents sleeping next to my room. From the beginning of the year til now, I only had sex with 3 guys - one of them was one time off and I didn't bother to contact him anymore. I am limiting myself to less than 3 sexual partners. Hornet was my main choice of searching for hookup. But none of them are up for my preference. 

Whenever I had sex with him, I would always play a song as a background music. This time, I decided to play this song.

"Lust For Life by Lana Del Ray." I said as my eyes was heaving. "It's a sex song."  

"Really? hmm. Maybe." He climbed over me, stood up, and squinted his eyes at the flash white light emitting from my laptop under the dark room. "A nice song for sex." 

"Yeah." I scooted over to one side and he laid down next to me, we cuddled and talked casually. 

As usual, when he left, I sent him a thank-you text for having a great night. 

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Break The Dry Spell

Dear Zach,

I hooked up with a Malay guy I met on Hornet who stays 4 km away from my place and 15 minutes drive to reach this place. I was trying my utmost best to remain my celibacy as I scroll around in Hornet to check out guys. And then this Malay guys hit me up with this side body pic with no sexual attraction, so I just gave it a shot and talked to him. I thought maybe I could just do a blowjob that's it. He's shown me his pictures and it were quite lame. But he's staying alone so I didn't mind going over to his place and have some head. When we came face to face, I was surprised that he's almost same height as me, well built-physique, and good-looking. When we were naked on bed, Good god, his body was so firm and tight sinewy, I was blushing so hard when he kissed all over my neck while groping every inch of his athletic physique. His dick is 6 inches long and fit in my mouth just right. We fucked and came hard together. Lesson to learn: Never judge a person by its picture.    

Friday, January 27, 2017

Abstinence

Dear Zach,

It was such a record-breaking that I did not have sex for 30 days and still counting. My carnal drive has been replaced by jerking off in the shower after work almost every day. I go through my tumblr porn feeds everyday to get some daily dose of nude. It is pretty addicting as more and more those Insta-celebrities s' nude are being shared across the internet, especially, those who tend to flaunt their almost-full frontal picture over the Instagram garnering thousands of likes just to get attention. I've come across of few local so-called Insta-celeb nudes and they are quite surprisingly hung. I wonder if my nudes would have been come across in tumblr any time soon. lol.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Leaked Nude On Tumblr

Dear Zach,

Apparently Tumblr has been a hub for all the mini porns from all across the globe. It's free and more than enough to quench your thirst for masturbation. I knew it existence long time ago and I never bothered about it until recently, I came across a few nude pictures of some guys I am following with in social media. The more I scroll the more shocking it has become as some guys I came across with over the internet has all their nudes over the page. So I decided to create an account just to keep myself updated with the nudes news. I've seen dicks of Mr Malaysia, famous local bodybuilders, and some rose-to-fame malay fitness model and its sizes were unsurprisingly average. Whereas, Singapore men are the best one could wish for. You would be amazed how slutty Singapore men are by looking at the pictures/video. Currently, my newsfeed is flooded with naked man from singaporen. God Bless them. How I wish I am living in Singapore and can't wait to hook up with those perfect specimen to die for. So here's my link to my newly created mini porn hub https://hoetobe.tumblr.com/ .. Feel free to reshare and like. 
© Dear Zach
Maira Gall