Thursday, December 31, 2015

What A Year

Dear Zach,

A year of self-discovery has come to the end. The highs and lows have gotten me to become wiser, stronger, and better. I've done things that shouldn't be done at the first place. I've gone against all odds to find my passions. It's not easy to take risk - it never was. It was all about taking chances. But it's all worth it. I've got to meet new people; I've got to know new people very well. The path of walking though the year was rocky. At times, I felt doubtful of my decision; feeling doubtful of myself. It was challenging given the fact that when life gives you curve ball, you would have to swallow your pride and take it. I've been through a lot. I've learned and seen things differently. I've grown from mistakes. And learn from them. If there's one thing I need to say before the clock hitting 12 tonight, I'd say: 

"I will never regret."  

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Off Loading

Dear Zach,

I was preoccupied with works today. I was taught with loads of things before I could even absorb it. By the time I finished work, my mental state of mine was exhausted. I went to the gym as usual. I quicken my workout by doing supersets. By the time I was done, It was just less than an hour. I went to the sauna, and saw this malay hunk sitting inside. I saw him outside the weight area beforehand, he was at the bench press while I was doing my shoulder workout in front of the mirror, my back facing him. On the mirror, I saw his glance over me. I didn't pay attention to him at first. When I saw him towel-wrapped around his waist in the sauna, I was quite surprise that he has a beautiful round chest, and slightly visible abs. Not chiseled, but just slightly muscular. And he's quite good-looking. Fast forward to the shower room, we made out, sucked each other off, and exploded our huge loads on each other chests. He was all smiley when we were doing our deed inside the shower room. After we left the shower room, we dressed up afar. I kept glancing over him, he didn't seem to give any attention back to me. When we reached at the front desk at the same time, standing beside him to retrieve back my card, he didn't bother to look over me as if he's feeling guilty about it. I thought I could thank him for the good time we had. I guess it means we will pretend nothing happened thing back there when we bump into each other in the gym. 


Monday, December 28, 2015

Just Cause

Dear Zach,

I felt extremely cranky I did not know why. I woke up to the gloomy morning day, which worsen my mood even further. I was sleepy and hungry: Sleepy because I don't want to wake up to the absolute fact that I will be spending my last day of 2015 alone, in the gym, pretending it just another day of life; Hungry because I'm craving for dicks and food - mostly about food. I went to the gym as usual at night. I felt unenergized. But I managed to complete my workout. When I was in the sauna, I saw this Arabian hunk in his undies, standing there, enjoying the intense wave of heat. He's hot. And his protruding bulge made him even hotter. How I wish I could pin him against the wall, and pull down his undies, and suck his cock furiously. I did not. I ended up in the shower room, showering alone. 

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Did Not

Dear Zach,

I have no word to describe how unpleasant this week was. Work was fine. I didn't expect much out of it. It was just that any attempt I had tried to make it seemed to be unfailingly not turning out the way I wished to be - it all ended in full disappointment. And I've got to realize the taste of how people can just changed the way you being treated in a space of 24 hours, for that matter. It's such a shocker for not knowing what was going on but having given a silent treatment - at least a brief explanation would be fine. I felt disrespectful for that matter. Last night, I've been to the infamous gay club in town - Market Place. It was such a disappointment. I did not enjoy at all last night. I basically wondered around the club aimlessly. Maybe because I went with the wrong guy, who is a complete dead boring person, and I wasn't in the mood due to the unpleasant events happened past back days. I did not enjoy my Christmas day nor Boxing day, and even today. In the nutshell, I did not enjoy any day of the week. 

Sunday, December 20, 2015


Dear Zach,

I can't sit still. Mainly because of the forthcoming new job I will be starting tomorrow. It's so exciting and anticipating. It feels as if this is my first job after I graduated. Deep down I know that this isn't any job I previously had, it's a job that what my parents very much hoping me to have at the first place itself. I had a thousand of reason for hating working in the office beforehand, simply because I wanted to do something I wished to do before I get serious about my career. Technically, I had done what I supposed to do, I had enough of fun. And, now, it's time to pay the bills; it's time to hold on to my responsibility. It's time to learn what life is all about, apart from having fun. I had my skin tanned this morning, a good swim in the pool, and a sweaty hot sex in the evening - I am fully satiated. All I need now is a good night sleep for tomorrow.


Friday, December 18, 2015

Human Isn't So Bad Afterall

Dear Zach,

I woke up to usual routine - have my breakfast and go to the gym. This could be my last morning workout before I start working next week as I will have to work out at the evening with the crowd of people. I strutted into the gym and changed into workout gear, and started pumping iron. During the period, I was looking for 10 kg weight plates and, so happened that, I spotted two of it at the corner unused. So I grabbed it and slid it into the barbell at both end points. 

After I finished my first set of exercise, there was this bald guy, who is in his forties, short and muscular, approached me and said, "Are you aware that I was using the two plates just now?"

I was stunned, I certainly didn't aware that he was using it as it seemed being left unused to me. I didn't get defensive by his confrontation, because I wasn't intend to. 

"Oh! I didn't realize. Do you want it back?" I quickly said.

"Nah. It's fine. I'm done with it. You can have it." He said, turned around and continue his workout. 

I could sense that he was a bit pissed off. But I shrugged it off and continue my workout. Throughout the workout session, I could feel that he kept throwing glances at me. I couldn't help but to glance at him unintentionally. He's quite hot in his short muscular frame; he's quite hot at the age of his. The tightness of his workout shirt wrapped around his rock hard bod couldn't be more sexier than he already is. I quickly glance away before he catches me watching him and drags me to the side and punches the living daylight out of me for stealing his plates and ogling over him. 

By the time I finished my workout, I walked into the changing room, and saw him packing his bag, right just few lockers away from mine, I pretended that I didn't see him, and undress myself. He grabbed his bag and walked past behind me to the entrance. Seconds later, he reappeared again and approached me, and hands out to give me a fist pump, and said, "I'm sorry about just now. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I was having a bad day."

I was surprised. Really surprised by his course of action. 

"No worry. That was my fault. You should've told me that were yours. I'm sorry." I apologized, and patted his muscular arms. 

"No no. It's fine. I shouldn't have done that to you. I feel bad about it," He said sincerely, "Just bad day."

"It's okay. I understand." I smiled. He's not that bad after all. And his politeness made him extra sexier and hotter. 

"I'll see you around." He gave me a wave.

"See ya." 

Well, human isn't so bad afterall. 

Wednesday, December 16, 2015


Dear Zach,

Never had I ever thought that thing could just happened to you unexpectedly in such a good way. After I had turned down the great offer in Singapore, I returned home and started finding job again. On Tuesday, I was invited to an interview. I didn't expect much from it. I went there. And she was very happy with me. Apparently she was happy what she saw. And she asked those common interview question such as 'why', 'what', and 'why' again. She didn't try to be harsh on me.

The only tricky part was that in the beginning of the interview, she asked me to roughly describe about the job description I applied for. First thing first, I didn't read the job description at all before I applied. I just applied for the sake of applying. And I never thought they would have invited and, now, giving me a question testing me if I could utter a satisfactory answer about the job description. I applied for Branch Management Junior Executive. I cracked my head so hard to figure out the answer about what the job position all about. She was flipping through my job application while waiting for my response. If I couldn't answer this, I would be so doomed and it would be so embarrassing for not knowing what job position I applied for. It could be prostitution with the glamorous title of it. It can't be that. So I tried my luck by using the word "Branch" and started explaining. It makes sense if working in branch management, it would be all about working with all the enquiries with all the branches and give support to them. It was brief answer. And she nodded her head and said, "Good, you got it right. Partly." And then she elaborated in detail about the job scope. 

Thank God. I got it right. A plus point for me. After the interview, I was so giddy inside because I felt like I scored it well. Today, I got a call from them saying that I got hired, and I will be starting next week. I was over the moon! 

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Turned Down

Dear Zach,

I am alive. I am still breathing. I felt like I have been missing forever. Here's an update for the past few days.

On Monday, I got a call from a company from Singapore for interview. I was completely stoked given the fact the chance of getting a job in Singapore is a rarity.  

On Tuesday, I had skyped-interview with the ladyboss. I named her ladyboss because she's very dominant. And I dislike her a bit instantly. She was happy with the interview, so she invited me over to Singapore to try out working in the company for two days for observation. By 4pm, I boarded a one-way flight to Singapore.

On Wednesday morning, I arrived at the place. Very scenic and fresh. And I got to be introduced to the only Supervisor there. And I had a small chit-chat with the ladyboss after that. I didn't work. I observed the nature of work. And I had a serious pep talk with the supervisor about the company background. Sometimes knowing too much of the company isn't a good thing.

On Thursday, I observed the nature of work again. And I had a serious talk with the ladyboss about the job. She's very good in persuading me. I almost fall for the attractive remuneration she has to offer. It's so tempting no one could say no to that as a foreigner. I told her I have to consider. She said this is a rare chance for people like me to work in Singapore, people would jump on this offer without hesitation. After that, I left. On that night itself, I turned down her offer.

On Friday morning, I checked my phone, and there's 3 messages from her. The last one was telling me to pick up her call and talk to her. I've seen the messages, and read it twice. I felt bad about turning down such a good opportunity. I am not sure what's stopping me. 

On Saturday, I went back to KL by bus. On the way back home, I was thinking about the reality I will have to face again tomorrow. 

Today, I was sitting here, typing this down, and start searching for job again.      


Saturday, December 5, 2015

Stuck In Between

Dear Zach,

Today I went to Celebrity Fitness in the Mines to sign up gym membership. I have been considering for the umpteenth times about joining. I have doubts in joining this fitness center. No doubt it's the nearest to my home - 10 min driving distance. And pretty affordable. But I heard a lot of issues from this gym center itself. I tried not to let it influence me. But considering CF has a lot of branches in KL and PJ area. I might have to have to access to gym if I work around the area in the future. So, I go against my will, marched to the center, and signed up before I changed my mind. 

Few hours later, I walked into the gym with my workout gear, not sure why I was kinda regret signing up already. The longer I stay in the gym, the more regretful I become. I feel like slapping myself for not thinking rationally. I am stuck in between. 

Just like my life stuck in between.  

Thursday, December 3, 2015


Dear Zach,

It's December and I refuse to be reminded that it's December. It pains me; In fact, it infuriates me. Mainly because I am jobless in the end of the year and aching for something to do. I am a doer; but I am not doing something much lately. I am hungry for something, metaphorically and literally. I am hungry for something to work on, and at the same time I am hungry for food, which makes sense in the following, as everything in the kitchen is just right in front of my room, and I have nothing better else to do than to eat all up.

I need a goal, a purpose, a meaning of life, to work on. Staying at home suffocates me. And I am frustrated with myself if I made the wrong decision leaving my previous job. I pour out my frustration in the morning gym session, but mainly in eating too much of foods. I can't help it. Because I have set a goal to have a supermodel physique next year, which is ridiculous to think about given the fact that it is too ridiculous to even think about. I have been fielding calls and text messages like a CIA. I ignored messages from some friends who keep asking me to hang out. I don't hang out simply because I am running tight of budget. And it's pointless to meet up when both of us always fill with awkward silence that kills me. I'd think twice before I go out with someone thinking if it's worth my time or its worth my money. Often I think of both as one factor. So usually I decided not to go out. 

Another frustration is that I never seem to be able to get a call from all 50 apps I have sent to all the companies. It infuriates me further more that the interviews I went to particularly not going so well. Mainly because they complaint to me about how badly operating the company is and how bad the people are working with, rather than interrogating me with questions. I was well prepared with all the answer to expected question, turned out it was about heart-pouring session of one of the pathetic employee. This shows a bad sign and I quickly disregarded the idea of going for second interview after I left. 

It's funny. Really funny I feel like laughing right now.


© Dear Zach
Maira Gall