Dear Zach,
It has been years that I have been discovering myself physically and sexually. But I couldn't put my finger on what I really want. I thought of having a boyfriend whenever I feel lonely. When sex was done, I feel like I needed attention rather than a physical being by my side. I gave thought of having an open relationship with someone. Though, the notion is intrigue. That being said, the jealousy of me having a thought of my man fucking around would definitely surpass the brim of my cup - overflowed. So open relationship for me is definitely not working. I am the type that "you for me; me for all." If you know what I mean. I am selfish that way.
Today, I came across this read about a girl who isn't ready settle down with one guy but want to date with a few guy, dabbling around with one-night-stands. She enjoys the way she's having it but she felt somewhat missing something yet she insists on not readying for a serious relationship. She called it as "nonmonogamous dating". It's like you enjoy meeting guys you really like on sexually and intellectual level. It somehow describes my current circumstance so perfectly.
In fact, I am learning a lot about my sexuality through interacting with distinctly different partners. One week, I met 3 different guys. On Monday, I met A. On Wednesday, I met B. If I am not sexually tired, I would be on Grindr scoaching for guys. Yes, this is me on daily basis. I have 3 regular partners: Two of them are my favorite - sex was great with them, but there was so much more than that we connected. Somehow sex has deepened our connection.
And I learn a lot about Guys too. You can call me Sexpert. The more guys I met, the more I know better of myself in what I really want from myself. I learn about experiences from the guys I met about their tragic break up, hooks up, high and low in relationship, and it further pursues me that monogamous relationship is not my thing to be sought after anymore. It has become so unrealistic people want to be in it because it has to after seeing people got into relationship on Facebook. Y'all may think I am just creating an excuse for being a hoe. I am fine with it. I am actually happier that way. I do not need to deal with jealousy. I do not need to deal with worrisome petty argument. And I do not need to deal with boredom. People are actually open-minded with relationship. Depending on how you project your relationship in anyway you wish. But, sadly, most guys are living back in 90s', thinking monogamous relationship will bring us happily ever after.
yeah it doesn't bring happily ever after for everyone, especially when you insist that's the only way it should when you know you couldn't handle it. Too bad most guys can't accept the notion that there are others who are capable of loving more than one person at one time or are able to control their emotion to handle open relationship. So meh
ReplyDeleteindeed, monogamous exists in probably first few months, once we both get to know more of each other, thing will go differently. People believe if one loves each other it won't happen. So naive and foolish thinking. We are human being after all with emotional containment. Then why in the world people keep saying "hate less, love more"?
DeleteI know right! It isn't like sexuality where it's genetically coded. Relationship is a man-made construct; one size definitely won't suit all but yeah, they seem to be unable to comprehend it. At least we both still going strong in spite of been in an open relationship as compared to other monogamous relationship. So meh
DeleteFollow what your gut and heart are telling you to do.
ReplyDeleteMost of my relationships were open. Once the trust is built it falls into place.
ReplyDelete