It is nice to be the Villian

Dear Zach,

As per previous post, I despise Malay. My workplace is full of them. When I started working 3 months ago, I told myself that I should never be nice to everyone because not everyone is nice to you. I held onto this mantra to go through my day working as courier. I never smiled to any buyer when I delivere the parcels as I hated the job already. I never even said hi to any of the co-workers unless they talked to me first. Selfish is the word. I set aside those big bulky parcels I refused to send. When I was asked the reason of setting them aside, I either gave them sarcastic answer or plainly ignore so that they get the message. This is why the management is not fond of me. I always stood up for myself, not because I am always right, for something it doesn't make sense.

Dealing with Malays never make any sense. They have their own irrational mind of their own. Apart from knowing to breed as many children as possible, they always think they are all almighty as they can. Government sectors are the foolproof of malay domination. Everything is reserved for them. They always love to buy anything extra and leave no room for others. Just like how most malay families are when they are slightly financially enable, there will be a new car sitting at the porch despite having already 2 cars parking by the road. Just like how this incident at this afternoon, where one of their fucking immobile car which has been occupying an empty neighbor parking spot for months, the car suddenly parked in the middle of two occupying parking spots in which one of it technically belongs to my dad's, leaving no room for other car to slip in.

I walked across the road to their house, hammered against the wooden door hard, but no one answered. Since they are doing such brainless act, we did them the same favor. My dad and I parked our cars diagonally in front and at the back of his car, leaving no room to leave on its own. It is going to be either he hollers us to move the car or he park his car there forever. When there was no one looking, I moved to back of his left side tire, removed the valve stem cap, and press the center pin to release air in short bursts. I threw the stem cap away after I flatten his back tire, leaving the stem exposed. When you do not treat these selfish malays the same way they treat you, you will always be at the losing side.

Preference changes

Dear Zach,

It is true as you grow older, your preference and taste are slowly to change. Changes can be a choice or inevitable. When comes to men selection, in this case, it is a choice for me.

In my 20s, I was a huge fanatic of malay twink because they are always packing with a 7 incher meat. Now, I am strictly against them. In fact, I despise them. I have plenty of untold reasons to do so. The incident last year was my ultimatum to have decided that excluding this race out of my preference is a wise choice. 

I also used to have crushes on white western guys and stoked when I got to meet up with them for sex. In my entire life, I've met less than 10 white guys. Sex part was okay. Gay porn tends to exaggerate and give false expectation. As I grow older, I just don't get the big deal as to why these local gays go gaga over a white dick. Just because they are continentally rich or because they are white? Or both? Even some white guys send me their dick pic in The Blowers, I choose to ignore it. I have nothing against western guys. But I am just not sexually inclined to them.

And don't get me started with Arab guys. Mannn, they are the worst kind of human existed in the gay population.

  

My regular tops are 2 Pakistanis men

Dear Zach,

Guys in hooking up apps find it weird when I tell them my regular tops are Pakistanis men. They always think that my sex partner must be a gym fit man from local. Now they mention it, I do find it funny how my sex life turns out to be these days. I do not have sex frequently this year. When I do, I only have sex frequently with Karim. I keep track of the guys I met up for sex in an excel sheet, turns out I've had sex with Karim 11 times this year itself. With Taif, we've met 3 times this year - the latest we met was a month ago. If he worked around my area like he used to, we would have had sex frequently as much as twice a month. These 2 Pakistanis men are my regular tops now. I am not lacking of options, I just prefer men whom I am already comfortable with without exploring the new likings of a new top. I believe both of them have their options too.

Few nights ago, after sex, I sent Karim home, I asked him how long have we met since and he told me almost 2 and half year. He got my contact from his peer whom I've had sex with once. I must have been a great bottom to his peer or else he wouldn't have recommended me and spread my contacts around amongst his peers. When I first met him, he was very inexperience in sex. He said he did have sex with man in Malaysia, a guy from Tiktok he met, but not very often like how we are now. I must have guided him well enough. He is getting pretty good at it now.

Taif is an outright playboy persona when I first met him. We met 4 years ago. Our first sex meet up was at his room where his friend and him were awaiting my arrival after a few moments of quick chat in Grindr. It was a turn-taking sex - once his friend was done, Taif entered next. We met quite frequently that time. Probably once a month. With him and his friend. Eventually, his friend left town for work in another city, only Taif and I were still seeing each other. There was one time after sex, we sat by his bed, we tried to have a conversation, because he has limited knowledge in speaking Malay nor English, we resorted using Google translate from Urdu to English and vice versa. He told me his plenty encounters with local bottoms from Grindr; Some were nearby; Some were in town. He even had a threesome! Since he was sexually active, I told him to play safe by wearing a condom. He didn't seem to understand at first, but I tried to explain the risk of getting STD/HIV thoroughly with hand gesture so that he could roughly understand. He was pretty guilty to admit when he said "I didn' wear condom." "You must. Cause you fuck a lot of guys." I said. Until now, I still insist on wearing condom with him, despite he claims he did not meet anyone else since he is inconvenient and always at work. Thank God, he found me back in Grindr last year after I decided to reinstall it for a moment. So happened he dropped by in my area for a few days before he left for work in other city. 

      

Vicious Cycle

Dear Zach,

After expressing my frustrating experience in my previous post about the verdict of being a courier, I think of looking for another courier company to work with. But, when I come to think of it, it will be the same vicious cycle all over again. Working as a last mile courier, when the parcel is entrusted to you, you are solely responsible for anything could or would likely have happened to the parcel.

There are only 3 Chinese working in the hub as courier. I am relatively close to one of them who is a married lady. She is one month senior than me, but both of us have the same frustration and disappointment towards the policy of the company in which we both often vent over the voice chat in whatsapp. That brings us slightly closer as co-workers. We talk shit about the people in the hub, giving pointers on how the parcel should be sent, how the company is taking advantage of us by falsely deducting the monetary loss as they please under our accounts.

I even consult Gemini for this matter. With all the list of comparison, all of these courier jobs are marked as high risk of penalties, high parcel volume, high physical toll, and low payout. How surprising. Right now, my plan is to do the minimum work safely to collect baseline income, rather than pushing myself to physical exhaustion just so those fuckers can dock my pays as they like. 

I could have moved on and find any job to work temporary. But this is the only job that fits perfectly with my morning gym routine. I will not trade off my time of working out in the morning with a subpar job that pays peanuts in return. I have been doing this routine for years, I will not change it ever. I will have to search for a fitting job for that.

If you were to ask me what skill do I have? I really don't know. 

 

Getting Fondling Hard And Karim's Sex Improvement

Dear Zach,

I went to Chakran yesterday evening to release all the stress I have been harboring. Unfortunately, the steam room, my favorite part of the room, is out of service. Since I was there, I really needed to suck indian cock, I paid for my entry.

The steamroom was not functioning but there were sounds of sucking and moaning inside there. I was the only Chinese amongst the brown crowd. I went into the dark steamroom and sat at the tile bench waiting for action to be happened. Before I knew it, I was making out with this indian skinny daddy, then there was this bald gym fit hairy guy fondling and eating out my chest. Our trio action attracted some other patrons. I was the center of the attention, my ass was ravished by two of them in taking turn, then one was sucking my dick at front, another one eating my ass out like it was a meal.

"This is gold." One of the them said while squeezing my ass hard. I was elated at the comment. My hardwork in the gym is showing off and they love it. Other than that, my pecs seemed to be the center of attention for them that night. Every indian man I sucked, they fondled my pecs so hard it hurts. And they couldn't stop sucking them either. Another win that my efforts in growing my stubborn chest is slowly paying off.

I managed to suck plenty of big indian cocks last night and was so happy I did. I needed that.

I went home and got a text from Karim asking for sex meet up at my place later at night. After my dad asleep, I brought him into my room as usual. This time he shaved down there clean for me. I could still smell the scent of shaving cream when I brought my nose close to his dick, giving it a peck, sucking his balls, and ravish his entire shaft love. I was glad he is now being caring and considerate for me. What surprised me was that he starting to fuck me skillfully. He knows exactly how I like it in getting pound. I can't help but turned around and gave him peck asking him if he is secretly fucking others to improve himself. Maybe he did. I don't know.

       

The Verdict Of Working as Courier

Dear Zach,

Three months into working as full time courier, I finally realize the reasons behind of having massive shortage of courier in almost every logistic company.

Imagine this: You are spending an hour daily sorting all big bulky parcels and flyers before loading them into your car boot. Each parcel you earn is RM1. You require great stamina to carry 1 full bag of flyer parcels hooking on your elbow while holding two 5 kg of boxes climbing up those nasty, wicked-moisture, and dead rat smelly stairs in the rundown neighborhood. You diligently send all the parcels. But you end up getting a ticket for missing parcel due to buyer's negligence. Since buyer is ALWAYS right, you have to pay for the loss in the end even though the fault is not on you. In the end of the month, you barely achieve a salary close to RM2K. You are getting paid peanuts yet there are false deductions on your account because they can.

The supervisors are such an asshole. Instead of assisting you in matters, they put the blame on you. Of course, I am not going to settle without putting up a fight for myself.

I am tired. Physically. I work hard in the gym to achieve my desired physique and work smart during the day delivering. In the end, you getting accused for the fault you never did. Since I have converted to Part Time now, I think I should start working like a Part Time instead of getting taken advantages of being treated like Full Time Courier.

I am not nice to begin with. Now, I can be a bitch if I need to.

I am really at loss now. What should I do? What work should I do now? Should I even quit? Again? For the umpteenth time? What did I ever do to deserve this? :(

  

Sloppy Mouth

Dear Zach,

I have been seeking comfort release at the expense of this Chub masseur whom I met and gave me great head after a few sessions of massage last year. His studio is relatively near to my house. And his sloppy mouth always gives me a hard-on. Since I am on tight budget going to Chakran, going to him for a release is not such a bad idea as he is more than willing to give me head on the weekly basis.

"I only do it for you." His mouth is sleeked of his own spit and rubbing against my saliva-drenched dick.

I have been going to him for 3 weeks straight now. Each time I manage to last slightly longer under his wet mouth. It is a great practice getting edged to delay ejaculation. To beat the best, you must meet the best. In this case, a sloppy wet mouth is my kryptonite - not only on my dick but eating my ass.

Unfortunately, he has a small dick, therefore fucking me is out of option. I don't think he has ever fucked anyone or has sucked anyone per se. But he seems to know how to give great head.

On the side note, Ben texted me out of the blue while I was gaming on my phone. His whatsapp username popped up in my notification, and I knew it was him because he uses his own name as username.

"hi, where at?" Ever so nonchalantly.

He misses us. The sex. My ass. The hard pounding he's giving and me taking him. The mindblowing sex that both of us can't seem to resist.

And he thought I would cave in. Sadly, I did not. In fact, I told him that I am not interested in him anymore after telling me he was not keen in meeting me last time.

I think he was surprised. I am glad he is eating his own spit back. 

   

Video recording is the new foreplay practice

Dear Zach,

Living in 2026 now, video recording of everything has become a norm. Not to mention video recording your intimate bed time session is now becoming a new foreplay material in your phone gallery.

Ten years ago, I did my first sex video clip and it was thrilling and I was afraid at the same time, thinking what if the video leaked and it would be all over the internet. Suffice to say that with the screening of my ass getting pound by a big dick, it could have been anyone.

Fast forward today, every gay guy must have been holding a share of their own sex videos in their phone. It is a trend heavily influenced by X - since most guys turning to X for fast track gay porn clips. Then, people start to share their own clips, getting a good traction and followers by massive amount of retweets, it has become an addiction of making more own sex tape and upload it for the chase of short term fame and validation. That was me back in the days I was doing OF. Everyday I woke up, seeing my followers increased by another one thousand because of my sex videos, the feeling was euphoric. I craved for more attention, more likes, more validation, thinking my ass was making me gay-porn-famous in the local scene.

Now, The Blowers website is a solid proof that making own sex video is no longer a taboo thing to do. X is the gay favorite platform to share. People are no longer afraid of the consequences. Courtesy to the influence of Western practice, sex video recording has become a part of the foreplay now.

I rarely do video while having sex now. Even if i do, it is just only a few seconds of the best angle for the me to keep.

Even after leaving the OF scene for many years, I am still recognized by a few gay guys in the Blowers. I did not know I still hold a lasting impact in their mind. Not sure if I should be happy or sad. There is a saying "Whatever you post in the internet, it will remain forever." 

     

Is wearing a condom becoming obsolete?

Dear Zach,

My question abovementioned comes from after 3 days of being on The Blowers and observing those profiles with their dick and mortar as main profile picture, followed by a carousel of their own prize-winning bareback sex videos, and reading the overly-praised testimonials about how this top giving them the best fuck of their life or how this bottom giving the best sloppy bj and cumming for the 3rd time in one session. Too fake to be true because I have come across with this buffy guy amongst the profile and realized I have hooked up with for a few times before, and his dick is below average, the sex was subpar at least. Somehow, the guys in this website boosted him like he is an alpha top.

For real, the amount of the amateur sex videos I have watched from this website is more than enough than signing up for X account. In fact, almost most of the users linked their X account on their profile, needless to say, it must be their alter ego.

What truly concern is that bareback sex has become a norm now. It is not something to be aware of the risk. With the existence of PreP and deoxy pep, guys are becoming more proactive in taking it just to ditch the usage of condom. The question: How many of them are truly taking it or how many of them are lying about taking it? Do they simply trust a stranger claiming they take precaution just to have the moment of pleasure? I still have yet found any video showing the most backdated safe sex practice - sex with condom.

I stated in my own profile that I do not do raw sex. This is why after 3 days being there, I have yet managed to hook up with anyone. There are a few prospects. But the conversations go cold afterwards. 

The Blowers

Dear Zach,

I have been having hard time finding new tops since grindr was banned, and trying my best to find time to go to Chakran. But my working hours sometime exceeded and, by the time, I was done delivering parcels, I was dead tired. I did have sex last week with Karim (regular Pakistanis top) after a month of not meeting up. We've had great session as usual. But, for me, having sex once a month is little bit too less.

Today I happened to stumble upon this website posted by one user in the local gay forum, called The Blowers. It is a grindr version website, where your nude and sex videos are allowed to be uploaded in your profile for public viewing and enticing. Pretty simply layout and interface. Surprisingly, there are plenty of local guys there! I signed up immediately and browsed through the profiles showing on my radar.

Most profiles are filled with their own big dick picture for tops while the bottoms' profile are ego-boosted with their own cock-sucking videos and pictures of pride-earned big dick in their mouth. It is like X combined with Grindr to produce this website. What couldn't be more worst is that your profile are allowed to leave testimonials by those encounters you've had with other members. I am unsure if this is a good move for people to leave comments about your bed skills just to get validated. I feel anxious reading all these good testimonials about those bottoms who give great bj to those big-dicked tops. It is as if they are too good to be true. The more profiles I come across with, the more anxious I feel about myself. What if I wasn't really that good in sucking as claimed by most of the guys I've had encountered with from the past? What if I wasn't really that good in taking big dick and got left bad testimonials in my profile? What if I needed to upload my own sex videos just to prove myself? It is not like I haven't done it in the past. 

This testimonial part is certainly an ego-booster for the user himself, but it also place an imminent stress hovering you. Imagine someone breed you and left a google review about your hole. 

Ultraprocessed Time

Dear Zach,

"Ultraprocessed Time"

Apparently, it is a relatively new noun released by Cambridge, defining that one is spending time aimlessly watching online content that is designed to keep people watching it, rather than to be useful and educational.

I did my utmost best to remove all kind of social media apps. I refuse to jump on the bandwagon knowing the latest viral video on tiktok or IG. I avoid X at all cost because those amateur gay porn clips are too resisting to avoid. There is this local gay forum that is too toxic to share your thought without being bombarded for getting called racist or dumb. The only good thing about the forum is knowing about the cruising places and saunas in town. There is no chance of getting hooked up from there.  

I recently find myself google searching their nude or sex tape of these fitness influencers/OF creator from my FB reel feeds, it loads all kind of their leaked nudes and sex images in my google image search and I couldn't be more satisfied knowing that their naked torso and precious genital, which requires USD20 to unlock for viewing, are leaked in the public domain for free viewing now. Before I knew it, I find myself searching more and more of their sex video for free and manage to watch a few full sex videos of this Latino guy. After watching, I quickly withdraw myself before I dive too deep into this sort of action. Thankfully enough to my local internet server provider (ISP), most of the adult websites are restricted in access. Therefore, watching gay porn online is never gonna be my after-work reliever.

It is so hard being normal. If having myself addicted to socmed spending hours doom scrolling is the new normal, I would rather be the abnormal one. 

 

Starting A New Slate

Dear Zach,

I recently bought a brand new samsung phone at the most bargain price from Shopee which costs less than RM1K. My old phone, which was bought in 2022, has finally ran its course and stopped having major security updates and patches since last year. The shelf life of every phone these days lasts at most 5 years. Therefore, I told myself my next phone purchase must be less than RM1K, having basic functions without all kinds of fancy functions I would never gonna use. I asked Gemini about recommendation and it pointed me to having A07 5G, with the price of RM800 with 3 months 0% installment option using SPAYLater.

The existence of AI is truly a blessing in disguise. It assisted me in rerouting the phone by toggle off and on a few settings to make the phone run extra smoother than the first day I started using during my shift of delivery under the hot sun, constant lagging and burning hot device under my palm. I was so regret about the purchase, but thankfully, AI assisted me in this matter.

I also removed quite a number of pictures and files from my new phone as all the data was transferred from my old phone easily. Almost 1000 pictures were removed - my cringeworthy selfie, my nudes, some other unworthy remembering, some miscellaneous, and past. Quite surprising seeing so much of pictures removed as I am not a fan of taking picture. Also, quite surprising to find out I have a few videos recording myself sucking dick I can't remember of. Mannn, I was hungry for the thick indian dick and full of hair at that time. It dated back on 2023. I moved these gems to my private folder. I just love videos of me sucking dick. I can hardly recognize myself when I was watching them. Yes I still have plenty of my sex videos from the past in files, waiting to be leaked "accidentally" so that I can kickstart my OF journey again. 

 

Fem Top ; Masc Bottom

Dear Zach,

It is funny how the table has turned where the bottoms are increasingly becoming muscular or masculine in contrast to the tops these days. Yes, I am one of the masculine bottoms subset and so proud of my identity and look. Most of the tops I met love me as a tall sized masculine bottom. And some skinny tops have the biggest dick ever. 

This scenario happens simply because of the steep competition between vast numbers of bottoms over the lacking number of tops. Imagine the top has to choose between a skinny and muscular bottom, the choice is pretty obvious for most.

My motive of working out hard in the gym is to get tops' attention. This is and has always been that way. So far, I have no issue getting masculine tops / straight looking tops to bed me either. My regular pakistanis tops are slightly taller than me and they love the muscular side of me. 

Cost Me A Week Load of Grocery

Dear Zach,

Reading is and has always been the best way for me to improve my language. I still remember when I was in college I used to read at least 4 or 5 books a month, and writing on this blog, and all together it tremendously brought my English to the next level. Books were used to be affordable. With all the inflation and shits, the cost of one book is literally a week of my grocery. Could you imagine how much RM70 worth of grocery is?

Despite that, I still bought a book of my favorite author. I tried to read it before sleep, somehow I am not able to finish it. I bought it 2 months ago, I am still half way through the plot. I am constantly distracted and couldn't concentrate in reading more than 10 minutes. Instead, I read one chapter per night. But when I've had a long tiring day after delivery work, my mind just couldn't read between the lines anymore.

To say that I am not interested in reading anymore, that is a stretch; I still do. But with the expensive price tag, I just can't afford buying books anymore. Besides, each title and content of the books are too similar but with different authors - especially at the self-enrichment section. I wonder if they just hire somebody to write for them and release it as it is. A good reason to dissuade me from buying them.

What Type of Men Do I Like ? (in my 30s)

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Bald Forever

Dear Zach,

It has been almost 2 years now since I decided to shave all my hair and go bald. I feel liberated with the decision I made because I have saved up a lot of costs without going to barber and buying any kind of expensive hair growth shampoo for my crown thinning hair loss. All I need, now, is a shaver and shaving cream, maintaining the clean shaven bald look for every 2 or 3 days a week.

I do look like a brand new person going bald in the beginning. It takes a lot of getting used to for people. It is as though I went through a mental breakdown and respair to a new persona. Back then, I was still pretty lean and it made my head looked small going bald. Therefore, I work extremely hard in the gym to bulk up to compensate the difference. Now, I am pretty satisfied how I look. Bald really does suit me. I no longer care about how people look at me in a way I expect them to be. I am bald and love how it make me feels. Being bald makes me look extremely heterosexual. The gays, either in the sauna or at the cruise park, are surprised by my manly "straight" outlook, who turns out to be a total bottom who love offering his white smooth juicy ass for anal penetration. The guys in the sauna love me because they hardly encounter a masculine bottom who has muscle and other bottom they meet are either skinny or fat or feminine skinny or just super fat.

Being a bottom has been decided since ages ago. But being bald and bottom has never even crossed my mind. I was even afraid going bald could lose all my sexual appeals. In fact, it didn't. It blossoms.

If you ask me, will I ever go back growing my hair if I am given a chance to go through treatment?

Probably not. I would likely go bald for as long as I live.   

It Finally Shows

Dear Zach,

"Are you headed for competition?" the cute indian guy at the Sundry shop asked while handing me the change.

I was perplexed. "Or you just enjoyed lifting weight at the gym?" He nodded at my body. The penny dropped.

"oh no. I just like lifting weight." I chuckled at his comment but deep down inside I was giddy at his indirect compliment. Especially coming from him.

I have been buying bananas and limes from this Sundry shop since forever. This cute indian helper always at the till and love giving me a few cents off from the bill. He has been seeing my physical changes over the years. For the past 6 months, I have been focusing training a little bit too much on my chest and shoulders, now it finally shows.

A random compliment from a cute stranger to my progress does make my day! 

I needed the poundage

Dear Zach,

TIF texted me out of the blue in Tuesday morning telling me he was back in the area from Penang for a day. I told him we were meeting at night 10.30pm.

He has gotten tanner than the last time I met him in March, but still lean and tall. When we were in my room, we stripped naked and hugged for the longest time. I guess we both missed each other a bit too much.

The sex was as great as I could remember. I sprawled in four with my ass perking up and head muffled in the sheet, he did his usual best to pound away my frustration against the agency and about my salary issue. He pounded me so hard and fast against my butt cheeks I muffled my moan so hard in the sheet.

When he was about to cum, I kneeled down and sealed his dick head in my mouth, quenching my thirst, swallowing every drop of his cum essence down my throat. Tasted like cigarettes. He was surprised by my act. I told him I missed him so much that's why I drank his cum.

I really needed that poundage after having a frustrated start of the week.      

fucking luck

Dear Zach,

It is and has always been part of my DNA that the "good luck" has and never will be in my favor. Ever.

7th of the month is the payday. I am anticipating the salary deposit kachiingg sound from my phone. Somehow, it is deposited earlier than expected but I am crestfallen by looking at the amount in my bank account. I am missing huge chuck of my commission from the delivered parcel counts I did for last month.

I am totally upset and feeling like fool who get scammed by the agency for telling me that they deduct the threshold parcel count for the days I work for, the remaining left are my commission. Therefore, with the combination of the basic salary and the remaining amount of commission they left for me, all those 10k steps walking from house to house, stairs to stairs, lot to lot, underneath the hot and hazy weather, end up I barely even get RM2000. My hub leader is shocked hearing from me. Since we are under different agencies, she can't do anything about it. All she can do to help is to convert me to part-time contract, in which it could earn almost or could be more than what I earn now. Whatever it is, I agree and let her to assist me in this matter.

   

Victim or Volunteer?

Dear Zach,

Those who love watching gay porn, you must have known about Austin Wolf - the fan favorite gay porn star in the internet for his beefy physique and macho sex persona. Back in the days when I was on X, most of his sex clips kept resharing on my feeds by other users. There were plenty of his amateur (non studio produced) videos showing him getting blown in the gym sauna, fucking in the shower, or fucking in public toilet cubicle. Not gonna deny the fact that his presence oozing sex vibe to the surrounding, the gays would find it hard to resist hooking up with him knowing what he did for living.

Most of his encounters were youngster - skinny, smooth, twink. Only his studio-produced videos were with man of his size or slightly younger. But if you were to check out his home made videos, most of them were with boys barely 18. There were videos of him like force-shoving his dick down this teenage kid's throat in the garage, fucking him while the phone was put afar at the side recording the whole scene. 

Guess what? Most of these younglings enjoyed being bred by him as much as the man himself doing the deed on them. You can tell obviously they were more than willing to throw themselves to him rather than being the victim themselves. There was a video, I particularly remember because, where the twink bottom was literally sprawling offering his ass up and smiling with satisfaction while the man himself pounding raw behind him with cameras recording situated in four different angles, and one camera strapped on his forehead as first person view. "Mannn, this guy takes home-made video very seriously." I thought.

Last year, he was sentenced to jail for you-know-what. Interestingly, if these younglings agreed and willing to offer themselves to him, in this case, shouldn't the younglings should get jailed too?

Personally, I never find him remotely attractive. I am more interested as to why the same law doesn't apply to the youngsters who did the deed with him.

Believing can be deceiving

Dear Zach,

In related to previous post about the addiction of social media, most of the contents posted are intentional for seeking validation. Since my feeds are mostly gym and shirtless men, therefore I am fed with plenty of unnaturally muscular guys in their early 20s, proudly showing off their "hardwork", stripping down to their underwear, seeking fans, likes and thirsty comments.

I come across a video about the dark side of steroid usage amongst the teens and guy in their early twenties, they are largely influenced by the pressure of looking good (vascular/shredded/dreambody) on the internet. Not to mention that you can easily purchase a few vials of PED from the dealer or online. This happens a lot to the youngster in India, where they chase for overnight fame by having dream body, so that they can be on stage competing, getting sponsors, to have a better way out of being poor.

As far as I know, being an influencer is not a job. Most of these influencers, in real life, they are as poor as us. They may be rich in having large followers, but not rich in bank accounts.

Not sure why I am into this topic. Probably it gives me a reason to fall back from scrolling on fb reels and focus on my life.

Reeling Out

Dear Zach,

Sometimes I wonder, with all kinds of existing social media, is it even worth posting a part of yourself or your life or your opinion online just to get validated? The netizen can be extremely toxic and entitled just because they are progressively moving forward with their the trends and agenda, from being able to share your thoughts of some latest issue turned out being accused of being racist, just because they said so - gay forum is the most toxic place ever existed to be honest. A lot of influencers love sharing what they eat or they do in a day, and their unsolicited opinion about themselves, anything but useful info. Sometimes I have the urge to leave a unsolicited comment on their post saying "Who gives a fuck?" in which I certainly am if I do that. 

I have moved away from most of the popular social media apps. The only one that keep me posted with the latest news and info is Facebook from my laptop. If FB were to be installed in my phone, I would definitely be absentmindedly scrolling away. Somehow, I can't help but to constantly hover the cursor over "Reels" tab, bombarding me with endless of sexy shirtless indian brown man "Desi Man" flexing or stripping in front of me, those thick and hairy chest and brown torso, the algorithm knows what I like and keeps feeding me with desi man clips, making me feeling hot and heavy all the time, which all the more reinforces my strong sexual appeal toward indian men.

Somehow this needs to stop. As in being addicted to "reels" generally. I am still finding ways to detach from FB as much as I could. But I am constantly tired from work. So just fuck it. 

Sexually Demanding Work

Dear Zach,

For the past two weeks, I have been very occupied with my new job, and I was always tired. Although the job is physically demanding, I managed to accustom with it. There were days that are unpleasantly long; There were also days that are surprisingly short.

My libido somehow has not fallen short in relative to my demanding work. In fact, it exacerbated my sex drive. Last Tuesday, I finished my work earlier than usual, I went to Chakran eager to get fucked. And I did get fucked. Greatly. Raw. From the steambath to the open shower. I was so ecstatic because it has been so long since I last getting bred by an indian bear. We had an amazing sex session. He wanted to exchange number. But I politely declined. Also, I managed to suck off 7 inches big cock by an indian daddy in the steambath. That night ended all well for me. A load in my ass and another one in stomach.

Last night, I went to cruise at Dead Hill again. I didn't expect much. Since I've had a rested sleep the night before, I thought of giving it a go to that place. Half an hour into cruising the hill, I managed to hook up with a stocky malay. Amazing kisser and sucker. He fucked me behind an empty hut, me bending over the railing letting him using my hole, while I enjoyed the dark scenic forest view in front of me.

Once we were done, we parted ways and I tried to look for another encounter. But it started drizzling, I went to the hut by the lake to rest. A chinese guy came by and approached me. I gave him a blowjob. Then, another fellow saw us, came by, and joined us. He took over my place and sucked the chinese guy. Then another and another joined us. Then there was this skinny guy and me getting left out. But I managed to suck a smooth 6 inches dick by him. I thought he was a chinese. He told me he is a Malay. His smooth dick makes all the senses now. I asked him if he wanted to fuck me. He agreed and I pulled him aside, a few feet away from the crowd, and did the deed behind the hut. The chinese guy seemed to have finished off. He saw us fucking by the wall, he came over wanting to join us. Somehow he sensed he wasn't quite welcoming, he left. The malay guy pulled out and took off the condom, telling me he was about to cum. We cum together hard. Once we were done cleaning up, I kissed him for the good fuck and left with pure satisfaction. Although I am, still, not a fan of malay guys, I find that malay guys are more than willing to fuck an ass. I can't be picky enough since my main intention to cruise is to get dicked down in my ass. That's all.    

  

Trio-bj

Dear Zach,

Although my new line of work has been extremely physical tiring, some days I finished off earlier by 5 pm and went home. Few days ago, after I've had my dinner, I decided to give another chance going to Dead Hill to cruise. Since it was weekday, I guess there would be a handful of guys cruising around. And security would unlikely patrol the hill.

When I arrived the entrance of the park, a new fence was up with a big iron gate. It was unlocked and left ajar. Then, I saw a notice attached on the gate, telling the passerby to be cautious of construction works going on. Rumor has it that the hill gonna be demolished and will be developed into some estate.

I walked around in the dark up to the hill top. Only a few hanging around. I walked down the hill to the tombstone area just to rest because I was really tired from walking all day during my work. Later, I managed to hook up with two guys at once having a trio blowjob in open view at some corner. Two of them were good-looking. One chinese and one mix (ind/malay?). They both came but I did not. Before they both left, they asked if I was new coming to this hill since they never saw me before.

I spent a few moment hanging around making out with the chinese guy by the stairs where the cruisers walking up and down and watching us.

I kissed him good bye and left.  

Working Full Time

Dear Zach,

Right after my last post, I tried applying for full time courier for SPX on their official website. I also tried a few ways such as courier hiring ads on FB to send in my application. But my main choice is SPX, of course, as Shopee is the leading online shopping platform in SEA. I did not have much hope getting a reply because they usually ignore or reject or taking us for a joyride having us to fill in application.

The next day my application was approved and I was given a ID right after. The best part was that I was assigned to my preferred hub nearest to my home - like 5 minutes away.  All things happened so fast that I was required to check in with the supervisor on Thursday afternoon and started to work on Friday.

I arrived slightly earlier just to check out how the scanning apps run and so on. Then this stocky malay - one of the supervisor - told me to scan a code on his device to get the list of the parcels, and led me to the cage of parcels. No tutorial given. No advice given. I was expected to read the courier onboarding slides which I was emailed with a day before I report to work. And thankfully, I did. I carefully sorted out the parcels according to the area. I was a mess. I was frantic and no one seemed to convenient to help as other couriers were busy sorting their own business. And I was the only chinese there. Others all malays. Can't complain much because I was there to work. 

Since those assigned parcels were to delivered to areas less than 5 km away, I was pretty sure I was familiar with those places. Boy was I wrong! What I didn't expect was that walking up the flight of stairs of those ultra-low cost apartment was physically demanding. On my first day, I was confused by the signage, frantically searching for correct unit number of the super confusing apartment layout - probably the stupidest layout ever existed. Walking up the flight of stairs was a workout itself. Not to mention the extra steps walking from one unit to another, smelling like urine and cat shits. On my first day of work, I have walked 10K steps in just only 5 hours!

I finished delivering by 6 pm. I was all sweaty and slimy and exhausted. This is really a physical-demanding job and, no wonder, most of the couriers are lean and skinny all because of the work nature itself.

Nothing is Fare

Dear Zach,

I have been working as lalamove delivery driver for 6 months now. I am not ashamed to say I really like the job scope itself. Apart from greeting the fellow people at the pick-up and drop-off points, and dealing some shitty people, there is nothing much to be stressful about working the gig. I enjoy the silence of my job throughout the journey from one point to another. But in my head I always planning the en route to save time and effort to earn the most in the least amount of time. 4 hours passes by very easily by just working like that.

Having said that, the fare is getting lower by each month. I can tell by the statistic of the total amount of jobs completed in each month, growing from 50+ jobs per month to almost 120+ jobs per month but earning literally the same amount of wages. The math doesn't make any sense at all. I am earning the same as I was during my starting month on Feb but working twice amount the workloads. The fare for most of the jobs are dropping from RM20 at least to RM12 for 20km travelling distance. How is this even fair? How is this even allowed? How can you even justify this?

Everyday when I get ready for work, when I scroll down the list of jobs on the app, I get very frustrated looking at the fare. Even the price for a blowjob I used to charged was much higher than all of these. 

I am looking at other platforms for full time delivery job. Since I like the job scope itself, I think it is time to be full time delivery driver with workers benefits and incentives. I am looking at Shopee Express now. Sadly the hub, which is 5 minutes away from my home, is full. I would have to wait then.

 

Almost Get Caught

Dear Zach,

This is my 3rd night cruising at Dead Hills tonight. Last Sunday night was euphoric. Managed to get fucked by the lake side and at a secluded hut twice by a hot daddy.

I went again on Thursday night. Not much of luck but a few blowjobs but I rejected them halfway sucking them or them sucking me when I found out they are malay. I've had bad day on that day itself after dealing with a fucking fat malay security during delivery drop off. Then my rating of delivery service dropped after that. I despised Malay that night itself. They were surprised because we were having a great time before I asked about their race, but I don't care.

Tonight I go again hoping there would be more people of my liking. One hour cruising around the hilltop, I find no luck. Most of them are malay, again. I sit on the concrete top resting. Suddenly, there is this skinny guy rushes over me and told me to leave now because there is a motorbike coming up with high beams, flashing across the darkness. The malay rider, I assume he is a patrol security or some sort, sees quite number of us, and chases us away and telling us to leave as the park is "closed". I power walk down the hill with others as quick as possible before he catches on us. 

When we walk down the second hilltop, I see quite a number of guys running out from the other side toward the exit stairs. I join in and run down the stairs, afraid there would be cops chasing after us. I walk out of the park praying in my heart there is no police car awaiting for us.

I start my car and drive away from that place quickly.

Now I am back to square one, going to Chakran sauna is my only option now. By the way, Dead Hill is full of malays cruising after my 3 days observation. Since my hate toward this race has been reinforced, and this incident happens, I ain't going back to this place again.

Cruising in Dead Hill : Exploration

Dear Zach,

Ever since all the gay meeting apps have been banned in Malaysia, the only way for all the gay people to meet up (for sexual fun), apart from going to gay sauna, is through cruising in the public spaces such as toilet mall, recreational parks, and swimming pool shower room. We are like going back to olden days where cruising in public area is our primary source of seeking prospects.

I have been toying the idea in cruising but these days there are always news about 2 men getting caught having indecent, or immoral, action in public area. I am torn between "fuck it, let's do it" and "let's scale down and think about it".

I have been a member of a gay local forum for quite some time now. There are a lot of topics about cruising for gay people in our local areas, especially at the downtown in one of the few popular malls. Also, some of the notorious swimming pool where actions in the shower room are guaranteed. And then here comes the recreational parks.

I stumbled upon a member commenting about this abandoned recreational forest park in the mid downtown, where it is located probably 20 minutes away from my home. I did not know this place existed although I have passed by the roadway multiple times for the past few months.

I called it Dead Hill because it is abandoned and I strictly want to protect its identity for security reason. Dead Hill was once a popular recreational park, as the year went on, the maintenance of the park slowly disimproved, eventually, the park was abandoned and "opened" for gay people to cruise inside. Now that I have read the archives of the park in the forum, it has become a popular spot for gay cruise since 10 years ago.

Interesting to know that many people in forum commented that the place is great to cruise because it is too dark to see. I have been daunting to go check it out but I was too chickened out to go at night.

Yesterday morning, since I was on the way to visit the temple, I decided to drop by that place and check it out.

I arrived at the parking spot around 10.30 am. There were only few cars parking along the street toward the entrance of the park. I got down and walked through the entrance of the park, where the tall trees hovering over the concrete walkway, and a grimed-covered resting hut along side into the park. A few meters walk inside, I was greeted with a green water lake in the center of the park, the pedestrian walkway is surrounding the lakeside, and I saw a few guys strictly brisk walking around the lake for none other than recreational purpose.

Since I was here, I explored every inch of the park for better navigation at night next time. The park is clearly abandoned with the signs of desolation and overgrown natural beauty, featuring cracked concrete paths, thick vines curl crawling over the grimmed-covered resting huts. As I climbed up to the hill, where the most cruisers loitering around, there were ruined concretes that highlighting its nostalgic traces of its once glory moment. As I climbed up the stairs to the top of the hill, I can see an oversight of the train and highways next to it. Since it was morning, there was no people cruising around here.

Somehow, at the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a shirtless chinese man loitering at the resting hut, far end of the center of the overlook, I took my sweet time walked over. He was already stripped down to his skimpy thong. An obvious prospect waiting for hunt. I went over and grabbed his crotch, he grabbed mine. Within minutes, he was down on his knee sucking my dick. I cum in his mouth rather quickly because I was afraid of getting caught in plain sight, also he sucked my dick so good like he hasn't sucked one in years. I thanked him and continued my exploration down the hill. Then, I saw another shirtless skinny tanned tattooed guy looking at his phone at the corner of the ruined concrete, another obvious cruiser awaiting. The chance was ruined when a hetero malay couple passed us by. Since it was getting hot anyway, I left the place after 30 minutes exploring.

But I came back in the evening again.

To be cont.... ...

         

1st Death Anniversary

Dear Mum,

Today is your first death anniversary. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you. Everyday whenever I come back from long day of delivery work, your smiling portrait in frame on the cabinet that placed next to the entrance always warmly welcomes me back.

There are days I think of you sitting in the dining table, hunching your back trying to loop the thread in the needle on the sewing machine, only to call for my help to do it for you because of your bad eyesight. I can't afford to give away the sewing machine because it reminds me a lot of us - of how we both trying to make the best use of it.

You loved cleaning the surface of the cabinet, shelves, and table because that was your motherly duty. Cleaning every corner just so we live comfortably. We still try our best to keep our house clean and tidy, just so that we do not want to fail you for not taking care the home you loved.

I am doing fine. Have a job. Eat and sleep well.

I'll visit you at the temple this Sunday.

Miss you. Always.

Love,

Your Son 

Right Place, Right Time, and Right Person.

Dear Zach,

I was the sluttiest and fan-favorite bottom amongst the group of migrant workers. When one of them has fucked me, he would passed my contact (or me) around to his other peers and tell them there is a white smooth bottom for their sexual pleasure. Of course, I would never turn them down unless some of them were really illiterate I gave up texting. Some of them were nice; Some of them were just plain rude. Somehow most of these migrants workers I've fucked with were just one or two time things. Whenever I received a simple text "hi" from a random number by the surname of "Khan", I knew my contact has fallen on some random pakistanis man. 

As my contact number were passed along in the sea of them, it fell on this Pakistanis young guy. He did text me a few times, but I ignored it completely at that time because I was mentally exhausted dealing with them. Towards the end of 2024, he texted me again to try his luck I guess. So I decided to play along with him. He sent an expire photo of himself - he is good-looking. We decided to meet up at his place where he lives in a rented room of the most run-down apartment across the street which was only 5 minutes away from my home. 

Krim is very good-looking in person, slightly taller than me, lean average physique, and packing with 6.5 inches smooth dick. He is the perfect package for my sexually desired migrant worker. But he comes with a few restrictions: He doesn't do anything orally on me. He only wants me to do it on him, in which I am perfectly obliged to do so. His hard and firm and hint of sweat scented cock in my mouth drove me crazy. But when it came to the deed, he failed badly. He cum fairly quick. Not to mention that he was inexperienced in sex. In my mind, I have crossed him off my list.

Few days after our first sex, he texted me telling me he missed me and wanting to meet again. I was reluctant. But I was horny. So I met him again. This time, I guided him slowly. He followed my lead. Entering inside of me with slower and much controlled pace. The sex lasted slightly longer than the last time. He felt happy about it.

Since then, we met every week at lunch time when he was on his lunch break and returned home from work to have sex with me.

I queried him if he has ever fucked a man. He told me that he did with a guy before me. Met him from tiktok. A local chinese guy. From there leading to physical meet up and sex. It lasted a few months before he left the country for work, till he met me. I was his 2nd. 

In every session, he has gotten from being touch aversion to more intimate in caressing my body and, his personal favorite, my white smooth ass. Although he doesn't like to do thing with his mouth, I love giving him kisses on his chest, neck, and shoulder, whenever we hug each other upon meet up or after sex as a sign of affection. I guess he doesn't mind me doing that to him since he told me he really like me and me doing that to him.  

Somehow he has the habit of disappearing for a few months without text messages and come back as if nothing has happened. I was upset but I didn't query further. Every few months he disappears and comes back, he is surprised by my physique - from lean to bulk. Of course, my juicy ass is what he loves the most. He can't stop touching my ass and telling me "your ass is big I love it".

His act of disappearing is quite frequent to the point I got really upset and cut contact with him completely. Blocked him even for a few months. Only to have him unblocked later. He texted me again the beginning of this year. Consistently every week for meet up. But I ignored every text of his. This lasted for 4 months. His persistent efforts of not giving up on me is what got me caved in eventually.

When we finally met up, he was upset and asking why I ignored him. I didn't say a word but kneel down in front of him, pulled his pants down, and gulped his already rock-hard cock in my mouth. I was relief that he was still excited to see me as ever. The sex at that time somehow felt different from the previous encounters we've had. It felt intimate, loving, and yearning. He started to hold my hands as he was inside of me. His face inches apart from my shoulders. I can tell he was completely at ease at what he does.

His act of disappearing got my curiosity, I confronted him about it. He said that despite he works nearby where we stay, often he would be relocated to some remote place for work for a few months. This is why he went missing.

"I really like you. And I really miss you. I want to see you. Why would I block you?" He said.

Since then, I have no reason to give him the benefits of doubts. I believe what he said. I mean, if he doesn't like me, he would have given up on me long time ago.

I don't love him. But I do like Krim a lot. He is the only pakistanis guy who appreciates having good time and doesn't take me for granted.

He can host. We both stay very close to each other, and always available at the right timing. I love big cock and he loves my toned ass. Although the sex doesn't last long, at least a quickie sex before work is what we both needed in the times like this.

We have the right place, are at the right time, and are right person for each other.

What more could I ask for? 

Decision Made

Dear Zach,

In my previous post, I've mentioned about the notion of partaking Spanish course and listed out a series of doubts. I am very grateful that some of you are very encouraging for me to go for it if I am genuinely interested in it.

Having said that, I have also consulted Gemini (Google's version of chatgpt) and vented my concerns and doubts.

Here's what Gemini told me:

When you are feeling stuck, your instinct is to add something new to your resume to stand out. It's a proactive thought, but we need to look at how the Malaysian job market actually treats languages. If you are learning Spanish strictly to solve a financial strain and get a job in KL, the math does not add up.

In Kuala Lumpur, the high-paying language allowances are almost exclusively for corporate roles requiring Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese because our economic trade is deeply tied to Asia Pacific. While there are a few corporate Spanish roles in KL servicing the Latin American markets, they are rare, and companies often hire native expats or native-level speakers who lived abroad.

Takes 2+ years, costs RM 1,150+ upfront per level, and has almost zero market demand from employers in Kuala Lumpur.

You have to be completely fluent—usually at a B2 or C1 level on the CEFR scale.

• To get to that level from zero, it takes roughly 600 to 800 hours of intense study.

• If you do it via a 30-hour classroom term every few months, it will take you years to get to a employable level. You need a financial solution much faster than that.

Therefore, I have decided not to go for it. My initial thought of taking Spanish course was just to slightly brush up my resume and skill. Somehow an AI clarifies my doubts, knowing that Spanish class is just a luxury hobby if you have the disposable money.

  

To enroll or not to enroll

Dear Zach,

I have been self-learning Spanish over the past 2 years and, so far, I've managed to understand the context of the conversation in the netflix shows I watched. But I am nowhere near being fluent in speaking the language because I have no one to speak with. I've always wanted to further improve learning the language itself. 

Chatgpt suggested me to take up a structured Spanish language course offered by the Spain Embassy in Malaysia. I've looked it up and it has several intake on every 3 months. Two weeks ago, I've inquired with them about the details and was told that the next intake for absolute beginner will be on mid of next month. The beginner Spanish course is segregated into 3 levels - from 1.1 to 1.3. The price for each level is RM950 for 10 weeks, the session will be conducted in face2face for 3 hours on Saturday.

Few days ago, I got an update about the opening registration for the new intake. Unfortunately, the timing for the class is not in my favor. I asked if I could jump into 1.2 level instead as I told them I have been self-learning for a year and the timing for that particular level is right for me. They allow it as long as I still have the basics.

The dilemma: Do I really need it? Why do I need to spend such amount to learn the language when I can learn it myself with all the free resources on the internet? Will I get a good return if I invest in this course? Will I travel to Spain for work? Will I ever get a Spanish boyfriend? Will I ever travel to Spain? Is this language gonna open door for me? Is this language important for me?

Sex = Money

Dear Zach,

I came across a post on the gay forum where this user posted about having sex is expensive.

Gay apps now cost money,

 

OnlyFans cost money, 

 

PrEP, PEP, monekeypox and other vaccines cost money,

 

paid fun cost money, 

 

find a room cost money, 

 

go gay sauna cost money, 

 

travel cost money, 

 

every fucking shit cost money,

 

sex = money 

 

money = sex 

 

What he vented about is an absolute truth. Having sex is no longer a free thing anymore unlike back in the days when guys could just lay back and stick their dick into any kind of hole for pleasure. The only concern for the heteros was getting their female partner knocked up. Other than that, having sex is practically stress free and easy.

Fast forward today, having sex is equivalent to spending money. Buying condoms of different sizes and brand, type of lubricants used for smooth penetration, figuring out the places to host for sex, etc. All added up it become a cost to bare. Not to mention if you are a frequent raw sex player, taking PreP is mandatory in this case, and frequent STD testing that cost over RM300, just to make sure you are clean to proceed to having sex at your own mean.

Since when having sex has become a financial burden for everyone? It is no wonder why most of the lower class gay guys are succumbed to STD and HIV fairly easy when they don't have the financial mean to purchase the basic necessary protections for themselves.

There are many times I want to have sex, but the only place I could have sex is going to gay sauna. It means I have to pay RM30 for entry, and consume a few pills of PreP that cost RM10 to get protection for myself. If I were to go every weekend, it would sum up RM120 per month! 

Who to blame? Is having sex becoming a luxury or is it not a basic psychological need anymore?

.

.  

Oh by the way, grindr and other gay hook ups apps are officially removed from google play store.  

  

Open Shower Play

Dear Zach,

Last evening, I went to Chakran after a month of not having sex. I was extremely horny I literally jerked off every night in the shower before sleep. I wanted to get my monthly massage session fixed but my wallet is running tight. So I decided to go to Chakran instead.

I arrived at 7pm - not much of a crowd. It made sense because it was on the weekday. Ten minutes in the dry sauna, I was already making out and sucking cock of one indian guy. I proceed to the steambath room and let some hungry suckers savoring my cock. But the most happening times for me were at the open shower area, where I got to quick swallow a big-dick indian, and got raw fucked by this tall bald indian daddy top.

I walked out of the steambath room naked as I passed by this mature daddy. Then, he followed me to the open shower as I tried to cool myself down with the chilling water cascading from the shower. He stood next to my shower, gently placed his hand on my erogenous zones and reached over my left to grab the publicly shared shower gel. I playfully grab his thick cock as he reached over. He squirted a few drops of the shower gel, lathering on his stocky body as he got closer to my back, and slid his hands across my back to my chest, lathering his soapy hands from my chest to my orifice. Before I knew it, he was poking his dick against my orifice, knowing what was coming next. He was trying to find a hidden lube at the top of the rusty pipe, but the lube is not slippery enough to penetrate me, so I used a bit of the shower gel instead to lube his dick up, and he slid inside me smoothly.

There were a few indian guys walked in on us were surprised by the sight of us fucking openly. But it was dark but they could make out the silhouettes of one big indian guy humping a pale chinese bottom at the corner of the shower room. Some of them stood aimlessly under the shower just to watch us. He finished outside of my ass. He thanked me and took a shower and left. 

I continued cruising around in the steambath room to have a great foreplay before I left at 9pm. 

Surrender Value

Dear Zach,

Few days ago, I happened to have delivered a few orders in the area where the insurance company at, I dropped by at the place and requested an update of my surrender value of my life insurance policy in which my dad had bought for me since I turned 21.

As expected, the value is half of what I was insured. I haven't been paying for this policy because the interest has paid off itself. In other word, I have a sum of money sitting there collecting dust. I have been toying the idea about withdrawal, since I have no one else, other than my dad, to leave something behind with if I die. The sum of the money I have isn't a large one, rather it is an amount that I could live comfortably without working for at least 2.5 years. Since I am working with minimum wages, my savings are now safe without depleting. But there were some times I would still have to use my savings for some random purchases.

Since my day time delivery work is now stable, I am thinking to work at night for a few hours in some garments shop at the mall. At least the few hours of work could supplement my total income.

I hope there is easy way out to get some serious cash. I would have loved to continue making my own porns but I would have been in jail by now. 

    

Ex fuck buddy Vet

Dear Zach,

His oddly familiar face plastered on the death memorial template in some random Veterinary clinic, which popped up in my newsfeed in Fb as I was scrolling down aimlessly. I was about to scroll down away until I saw his name spread across in the right center of the alignment in bold italic form. Then, I saw he was addressed in his shortened form of nickname, only then I remembered about him.

I was a bit shocked to learn about his passing. If I remember correctly, we met through Instagram years back when I was in my early 20s. He was a lean and good-looking malay guy in his mid-20s who worked as Vet. We corresponded on IG chat for quite sometime before we decided to finally meet up for sex. He came straight after work at night. He wasn't particularly tall. But he was a handsome guy with subtle moustache.

I sneaked him into my room at night after my parents asleep. He was such a great kisser. And, ultimately, an excellent ass rimmer. The sex was definitely top-tier. He knew what he was doing and did it very well.

Our sex always ended up in euphoria. I rarely cum for a top but he was one of the exception where both of us cum together. Since then, we became regular for sex. Every 3 weeks, we would meet up for sex at night at my place. The sex had always been great.

As usual, the sex has become less frequent as the months went on. To the point where we both stopped contacting each other and moved on.

Until today, in the mid afternoon, I stumbled upon his memorial post on FB randomly. He had a bright future as Vet. But he died fairly young. I wasn't sure how FB algorithm decided to show me this post. Literally, life is short. 

     

Fat Masseur Gives The Best Blowjob

Dear Zach,

I found this fat masseur in google last year. I didn't know he was fat, probably late 50 year old, until I met him in real person for massage service. His pricing is very cheap. RM60 for 1 hour massage is a bargain. And his private center is just 10 minutes away from my house. When I arrived, the shop was located upstairs with a signage about will writing consultation and service. Interesting. I was led to a corner of the premise where the room is sequestered for massage session - a massage bed, a table with stacked towels and a few bottle of oils.

The first session was great. He was very cautious to massage any part of my erogenous zones. The 2nd time I engaged with him again and told him that he didn't need to by shy and can massage those parts because I feel good about it being massaged. My purpose was to test if he was interested in giving me some extra service. The session turned out as I expected. He massage those parts, as I turned and laid on my back, he slyly slipped his hands across my balls and tips of my hardon. Then, he asked if I wanted to try a dick massage, which I don't usually do because it is just an assisted jerking off. I turned him down, but he proceed by grabbing my dick, stroke up and down as he closed his eyes, feeling my pulsating dick. And then he proceed to slide his hand across my chest and nipple playfully.

The 3rd session was when he started to giving me the great blowjob. My body was slick with oil as he deep dived sucking my dick hungrily. But, not sure if he was so good in giving me head or the massage improves the blood circulation of everywhere, I came fairly quick.

As the sessions went on, he seemed to be anticipating toward the end of the session. We started making out. Him eagerly sucking my oil slicking cock, until I cum in his mouth. He said I was the first customer he has ever given a blowjob to. "you are such a naughty naughty boy..." He smirked. Somehow his massage quality starting to drop as the extra service ensued. Therefore, I would only find him if I really needed to release. Or else I wouldn't go to him anymore.

In fact, I asked him if he fancies giving me blowjob sometime. He said yes. "You are the only guy I've given blowjob to but not others. Reason being I like you gentle kiss and make me feel good. So why not?". He gives the best blowjob so far. So why not engage him for a good time? 

You see, I seem to always be somebody else's first time. In fact, I have taken away a few virgins in my hand. 

 

Trip Cut Short

Dear Zach,

I've managed to have the house for myself for a few days after my dad left for Singapore. I invited my regular Pakistanis top over to my house after I came back from Chakran sauna having great time sucking a few dicks and getting fucked raw inside the dark steam room. The sex with the Pakis top was good as usual. This time, we have tried several sex positions since we got to have sex on the real bed instead of his floor carpet used as a substitute for the mattress he sleeps on.

Few days later, my brother dropped in from Singapore and stay home for work for a week. Today I've got to know that my dad had been feeling ill since Thursday due to food poisoning. Therefore, he won't be joining the crew for the europe trip and will be coming back home tomorrow. It has been a few weeks of bad omen. 2 weeks prior to his trip, he's had persistent cough. The following week, he's had a persistent diarrhea after taken a sachet of fiber powder. Now, 3 days before the flight to the actual trip, he was down with food poisoning, vomiting and diarrhea. I am starting to think that he is being anxious about this trip since he was gonna be away home for a month. I knew how anxiety attack looks like when you have one - always nauseous. Or, could be my mum in heaven telling him that this trip is a bad omen.

I am actually relief that my dad decided not to go on this trip with my uncles. In fact, I have been quite worrying about him. I am sure that my dad is in utter disappointment since he has spent quite a few thousands buying new clothes, shoes, and luggage bag just for this trip. Also the cost of the trip has also been forfeited. He may be at huge loss of money, at least he is willing to forgo the idea of forcing himself going on this trip in his current state of condition. He was very looking forward to this trip, somehow God has new plan for him. If it is meant to be, it will be.