Sometimes I am really unsure if I had made the right decision of letting my heart to want what it wants, following its lead, irrationally thinking all will turn out to be fine. I want to be optimistic, but pessimistic of me had no doubt always taken the toll of me. I am always trying hard to think for the future of what it will hold – it’s a stupid thing to do when I can never know what will happen in the future as thing happens unexpectedly and unprecedentedly as it could be. It always has been that way. Because of that, I take precautions, preparing my dialogue mentally in account of dealing with people, doing extra efforts of keeping anything from going haywire. I worry too much. I know I should stop and let my life goes on as it should be, people keep telling me to stop worrying, and be happy. I am not sure if I could be happy anymore. Or put it this way: I am not sure if there’s anything could make me happy. I want to take a chance to randomly live my life without being paranoid. I guess paranoia is a disease which could follow me forever. It’s like when thing is going perfectly fine, you would be thinking if there’s something wrong about thing going fine. Simply because when thing is going fine, eventually the finest thing will have expired and turned into worst thing it possibly could. It’s like give and return, so to speak.
I am listening to Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Breakaway’ while typing this down.
If only I will make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway.