Home Of Loves

 

Dear Zach,

Teardrops had stopped pouring down endlessly from the sky.

I sitting in front of my desk with the white screen of my laptop greeting me with warm welcome, urging me to write this down.

I contemplate about anything. Laying back, listening to the sound of my dad talking with my mum, chuckling about losing the lottery, my mum endless complains about his bad hearing hysterically, funnily enough my innocent good-heartedly dad had never complained about being complaint by his own wife. This is so normal in my home. And it feels home.

I love how normal our lives are. It wasn’t perfect in anyway, but it is still home to me – a place where I can find comfort and, most importantly, loves.

Shitty-days Syndrome

 

Dear Zach,

Work has been deliberately dreadful. I’ve had survived 4 weeks of dreadfulness and I cringe to think of enduring the remaining 12 weeks of shitty days. When you have a shitty day, you would not be surprised how shittier your day would have turned out. This shitty-days syndrome is persisting since the day I started my internship in this company. It was so happening throughout the 4 weeks and I couldn’t get a breather out of that. My acne-prone face is being a bitch lately, after so many injection for reduction of swelling, there goes a new one popping up out of nowhere. I’m sick of it. Really tiring to be holding up to be a tough man. Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on a path to wonderful things that will ever happen to us.

x

What would you do to forget someone you had almost fallen in love with?

 

Dear Zach,

What would you do to forget someone you had almost fallen in love with?

It ain’t easy to scrap everything about him off your mind. But there’s something you could do to suppress the true feeling, slowly ebb away as the time goes by.

I would delete his phone number – removed every means of his communication from my phone so that I would not have the temptation to make a call. Even though he does not realize it, I could not be bothered either. This is the only way you would not have to bring up the sadness whenever you come across his number on your phone. I did. Very effectively. If he doesn’t have the courtesy to call you as he promised, he is not a keeper at all.

Next move is the drastic one – block him on Facebook. If he by any chance ask you why he couldn’t view your profile or why you block him, the best excuse is: “Oh. I had stopped playing Facebook already.” Which deep down in your heart, is totally untrue. You think he does not even bother if you did this. So why should you even care if he does not even care?

Last one – pretend that you did not know him when you happen to pass by him in a shopping mall. It the best way to show him in his face that his is a stranger to you. If he approaches you, then it’s time to bring on your act worthy of Oscar nominees, acting surprise which you are not, and say “Oh! Hi. I did not know that was you.” which you did know but you couldn’t care less.

Everything I wrote is bitchy-mean. Well, they are the ways for me to forget what it should be forgetting. What’s yours?

x

Drown In It

 

Dear Zach,

Dark grey clouds were covering all over the blue sky. It was threaten to have a heavy downpour. I woke up to a feeling of heavy and can’t help but feeling a tiny bit sentimental. Every day I wake up to a same routine that I will have to get used to somehow – work, gym, and sleep. I am surprised of the pace of time passing by so quickly. One moment Sunday had gone, the next Sunday is here. It was like I had lost in time. I couldn’t remember clearly what I did in between. Maybe it’s the boring stuffs I tend to forget.

Whenever I came back home from work, I wanted to pick up my phone and tell somebody about how terribly bad my day has turned out. I halted – looking aimlessly at the bright screen shimmering back at me, challenging me to call someone. I frustratingly slammed down my phone, knowing the fact that I have no one real close to talk to. Even if I have they are far away from where I am now. Or they could have forgotten about me. I dismissed the idea real quick before it gets to me.

I know this is not the time to be buddy-buddy with everyone. In fact, it’s time to show what you are capable of. If people absent during my struggle, so I don’t expect myself acknowledge them when I success.

x

Dream To Be Made Of

 

Dear Zach,

To be a better person is never going to be simple. It’s easier said than done. But when comes to execution, it’s 10 times harder than u think. U would encounter different obstacles u would never have imagined. Sometimes you just wanna be normal and remained in your own comfort zone, not succumbed to changes. But I believe that when u have your dream to be pursued, you would forge thru whatever in front of you to get what you wanted the most. It’s a tiring process – life is tiring and exciting. But when you have your goal set, life would be much livid than ever. Time will prove my hardwork and dedication to people out there that I am hundredth times more than just a pretty face.

xx

One-Time Policy

 

Dear Zach,

A rhetorical question I have always been asked, especially when I recuperated from sex.

“You had never been in a relationship?”

“Never.” I closed my eyes, having zero intention of dwelling in further more.

And expectedly followed by the Why.

Most of the time I’d just simply give a common answer that everyone who is still single says: “ …still finding the right one ..”

In actuality, it is way more than still finding the right one. I just don’t want to answer to it in detail for that matter. I feel really uncomfortable to have a deep talk about such thing with strangers I have spent time in bed.

I had once hung out with a decent guy I had shagged with. I felt self-conscious and unease. The first time was cool; The second time was way awkward talking about relationship given the fact he was attached after our sexual encounter. After that, I did not keep in touch with him at all. And I intend to cut him out from my life either. It is weird. I was attracted to him physically and wanted him for his flesh at the first place – not his emotions.

I never really hung out with guys I had shagged with. Never. I practice one-time policy and it has always been that way. It is really awkward for me to have spending time with a stranger who has implicitly explored the wondrous anatomy of mine. It is better off having one-time-thing and goes separate ways after that. I never believed the version of theirs’ keeping in touch. Not a single fucking word. Only phony does that - apparently they are. I never keep in touch with them even though I was given their number – after few days I removed their number without hesitation. Because I can and apparently we won’t ever keep in touch as we said.

x

Of Internship

 

Dear Zach,

Hey all! I am still alive and living dreadfully through the day of working life. Internship had started two weeks ago and I have found myself disliking my job by each day. I was done complaining about it in front of my parents and I guess I should take it easy as I can be. As the matter of fact, I wouldn’t be here after 3 months and doing such thing for future sake.

Each day after work, I hit the gym no matter how tired I am. After having my dinner, I straight away crashed into my bed. I didn’t even have time to be spending online. Having started working life as if starting anew of my life. I see things differently and have different opinions of my own. And I have spent time thinking a lot about my career if I wanna do such job for the rest of my life. I already have my dream career in mind but I am not going to share it here yet. I just wanna clear off my mind and really think about it whether this dream career of mine is really worth pursuing.

On the unrelated note, I have literally no intention of playing Facebook anymore. I have removed all the pictures and newsfeed in my profile. So you wouldn’t be able to see me there and I will not add anymore friend.

Til then.

xx