Let Him Go

 

Dear Zach,

It felt so real. So warm. I was confused.

Him clasping my hand. As much as I wanted to let him go, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. I’d never felt this way. It felt so special, loving, and happy for the first time in my life.

I’ve had never thought we would ever meet again. I am not sure what’s the reason he holds my hand - I am not sure if I want to know.

I had removed everything about him from my life. I was almost forgetting about him. Now, here it was, him holding my hand, strolling around the mall regardless the disapproval stare from people.

Why? Why did he do this?

I held on tight his hand. I didn’t ever want to let go.

I brought his hand closer to my nose, inhaling the sense of him. I want to be with him this way.

Deep down we both knew we can’t be this way. He had someone else waiting for him far away. He can’t do this to him and to me.

A ray of light shinning through the window to my eyes.

I was blinded by the ray of light. He was backing apart from me. I was losing him in the blindness of light.

It was now or never – I let him go.

 

 

I jerked my eyes wide open. A big patch of moisture on my pillow resulting from my drooling in my sleep.

It was just a dream. My heart was pounding.

 

 

Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad?

x