My Smiling Manifesto

 

Dear Zach,

Recently I’ve read a book and stumbled across about this girl was in need of happiness to overcome her years of depression. In order to do so, she came up with a happiness manifesto pinned at the back of her bedroom, to keep herself happy all the time. This idea has struck me thinking that I should have this in my life – doing things that keep myself happily contained. The manifesto consists of ten tasks that needed to be completed daily. Failure to comply will result in your own designated consequence. Here’s my Smiling Manifesto:

Ten Daily Tasks

1. Count Your Blessing – before bed you have to think of things from the day that were good and that you are grateful for.

2. Have a face-to-face conversation with somebody – you need to leave the house and go outside and find somebody to have it done.

3. Give yourself a treat – could be anything that pleasures you.

4. Laugh – a must-do.

5. Exercise – this can say no more.

6. Smile or say hello to a stranger (has to be a different person to number 2.)

7. Do a kind deed – either helping someone or going out of your way to be nice to someone.

8. Spend no more than two hours of laptop a day.

9. Put your phone away – pick up when there is an absolute necessity.

10. Keep smiling – no matter how terribly thing has gone out, just face it with a smile. A weak smile will do.

 

Failure to comply will be subjected to these consequences:

1. No facebook. No instagram.

(there are subjected to change.)

Break Free

 

Dear Zach,

It was after lunch time when I walked into the usual café, with the reminisces of old time atmosphere welcoming me, that easily become one of my favorite alone-time place. The lunch time was over, so only a few tables have been occupied.

I chose my favorite table at the back of the café and placed my order, expecting someone to walked in. Not long after, he came out behind of me, holding a coffee, and sat down opposite of me in a small cozy table. Steve has his signature hair style which I am always tempted to touch but not in public. He curved up his soft lips with a warm smile and I couldn’t wait to tell him about my everything. He’s the first normal guy I could have a normal conversation with – telling him everything without holding back.

It was the third time I have met him. I fancy him really much but not in butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of way. He’s sensitive, sincere, smart, insightful, and successful. He’s the only person I would only confide to. He’s always given so much of insights about his life and relationship which I tend to struggle with mine. I always learn from his advices - very insightful and useful and it seems that my life somehow is synchronized with his, having where we both were put into a similar kind of situation. He had been through 10 years of life – he knows exactly how life goes on. His wisdom has never ceased to amaze me as if he read my mine. He knows exactly how to comfort me with good choice of words and life example he had learnt from the past. I believe in him and him in me. I never doubted him.

I couldn’t be more happier that I was able to meet him today. Telling him everything I have been struggling along with my life. In return, I’ve got what I needed from him. It’s very comforting, convincing, and loving. I felt the weight on my shoulder had been lift up. For the first time in my life, my lips curved its way up naturally.

xx

Why?

 

Dear Zach,

I looked into the mirror, seeing myself in the reflection, I uttered one word: Why?

Why do I have to pretend someone that I am not when I can be someone that I want to be?

Why had great things never ever happened to me?

Why do I have to be so kind blessing someone I care about when I knew he’s with someone else?

I wanted to throw my fist to the mirror as if hitting myself back. Is it what it is? Am I incapable of loving? What do I know about heartbreaking when I am incapable of loving?

The void in my heart is prickling each time I remind myself that.

Closing the door shut, and clamber into my bed holding close to myself, and holding back my tears and swallow the lump in my throat, telling myself “I am closing myself up. No emotions. No love. It’s heartbreaking even though I can’t afford to love.”

Post-Getaway Outcome: Goal Setting

 

Dear Zach,

It had been five days since I came back from the unpleasant getaway. My depressive feeling has ebbed away which I feel refreshing and my mind is clear. During the entire trip, I wasn’t thinking about how my life should have worked out – I enjoyed whatever it had to offer there. I spent a lot on clothes and walked around like what a tourist should have been. It wasn’t considered remotely a great trip, but I still enjoyed it. The cultures, the poverty, and the life people living there had me feeling appreciative of what I have now. I shouldn’t be complaining about lacking thereof.

Coming back from the trip, I didn’t think much about my life either. But there’s one thing I am most certain about is that my goal has been set. Deep down in my heart, I know how hard it will be to achieve this goal. I can’t put my thoughts into word but I have a rough idea of what I want in 10 years time. There will be obstacles and challenges I will have to encounter. One of the obstacles is the completion of my internship which will be begun next week. 16 weeks of internship seems long enough to me and I am not really looking forward to it. Frankly, I am not into that job scope at all. Just for the sake of finishing a part of my course, I will just have to endure the dreadful weeks to come.

My goal is my driving force to propel forward. To be able to get something I’ve always wanted has never ceased to fail, but this time I won’t let it happen again. My history is about to change. If I put my faith on it, I believe it will change for my benefits.

xx

Overly Concern

 

Dear Zach,

Being overly concerned about someone you really care about makes you even more worried.

I tried calling if he’s fine. But third time’s not the charm.

I should stop caring about someone who doesn’t even know I care so much about.

I did what I could as a friend.

Til then.

Heart And Flowers

 

Dear Zach,

I was sitting in the airport lounge last night awaiting for check-in to the custom, I saw a 50-over year Caucasian old man holding a bouquet of roses behind of his back, expectantly and patiently waiting for somebody at the lounge. Everyone in the lounge turned their heads toward the old man with interest, guessing who’s the lucky person to be receiving such romantic gesture. I waited and waited for 10 minutes, he was still standing there, holding the roses behind his back. I was losing my patience thinking who would it be? His daughter? His wife? Or his affair?

Not long after, he was waving at the crowds who were coming out to the lounge. A very little cute girl running toward him and he kneeled down to receive her cheerful bubbly hug what it seemed to be a long lost family who had never seen each other for 10 years. Walking behind the little girl was a seemingly late-30s year old plum thai lady, pushing trolley filled with two giant sized of luggage toward the old man. The old man raised up and surprised her with a bouquet of roses, and move forward to his wife showering with kisses. It was such a heart-warming scenario everyone in the room seemed to be moved by the scene.

My heart swells from the romantic gesture. It was such a rarity that I could witness such beautiful moment. Heart and flowers are rare cases nowadays. Everyone seems to have forgotten the old fashioned way of loving someone. Sometimes giving heart and flowers on a non-special day is one of the way of showing how much you love and meant for them. It’s not a must but an act of kindness to someone important to you. I am a sucker for romance. I still firmly believe old-fashioned love could build a profound foundation of a relationship. 

xx

Unpleasant Getaway @ Chiang Mai

 

Dear Zach,

A small getaway to Chiang Mai, Thailand, was rather unpleasant. In the previous post, I did mention that I wasn’t really looking forward to this trip mainly because it was a family trip. Indeed, it was and I hated family trip a lot – lots of conflicts happened and I was so sick of it at one point I just decided to walk away from them and rent a bicycle cycling around the city. Despite all the expenses were paid by my dad. I am grateful for that. My notion of travelling around the new continent is way far different from them – especially my mum and brother. At one point, my mum threw a tantrum at my dad in front of a coffee shop just because my dad and I mentioned something about walking a lot. My dad literally walked away but he halted for the sake of her. She hates walking aimlessly from one point to another but my brother insisted to walk because he likes it so much and that should have been the way of how travellers do. Bullshit much. And I hated his idea of travelling. I hated family trip. I swear to God this is my first and last trip with them. I just don’t get it, travelling should be creating more happiness. Instead, my travelling created more hatred. It’s just plain stupid. I am not happy from this trip. Not at all.

In spite of everything, I did award myself thai massages every night after an exhausted day of walking. I’d have to say Massages in Chiang Mai is splendid.

I don’t fancy visiting temples. But it were eyes-opening.

I’ve finally seen the long neck ladies. They are truly rare kind of people. And theirs’ craftsmanship is the only way to earn for living.

I’ve finally known what ‘Tuk Tuk’ is. It was a cute ride.

Cycling around the town was the only thing I enjoyed truly much. I felt like I was a gypsy strolling around the town seeing something new.

By and large, I hated family trip.

x

A Getaway

 

Dear Zach,

All these depressive feelings struggling internally makes me really sick.

A perfect getaway is what I needed so much now. Despite the flight to my destination isn’t that far away, I still want to leave everything I ever know behind.

I am so not looking forward to this family trip though. I’d rather be travelling alone but the cost of doing it is way too expensive. Hence, I’ve decided to join in this trip with my parents.

It’s been more than 10 years since my last time I’ve ever travelled across the country. With all the times being invested in academic stuffs, and now with the upcoming Life problem haunting me endlessly, I just need to get away from everything or anything.

I will be away from blogosphere for a while. Til then.

xx

God Forbid Me From Getting Laid

 

Dear Zach,

For the past two weeks, I have been searching over the internet and apps on the phone to satisfy my need. I did go to sauna and a few infamous gay-cruised swimming pools in town to check out if I was able to hook up some hot guy.

After a several encounters, most are neither interested in penetration sex nor doing any heavy stuff.

I was like “You must be joking?”. My man-gina was screaming for need and I couldn’t find a better guy, even if I did, to give what I need.

I was really sexually frustrated. I do not know why I am always horny when I get bored.

God is telling me something. Maybe HE is trying to tell me that I might have something that I shouldn’t be having in my blood to be transmitted to other people or I should aware of these people.

Last night was my last attempt. Unsurprisingly, I got rejected.

If God is forbidding me from having sex, then I shall do it no more from now on. I am going to be celibate starting from now on.

xx

Become Your Own Best Friend

 

Dear Zach,

Some food for thought.

A little something to remind myself why I spent all night feeling depressive, occasionally crying, and constantly worrying.

I just need to be my own best friend after all. This is how I am going to be and in the midst of becoming my very own best friend.

Be strong as I can be!  

Absurd Criteria Of Finding A Prince Charming

 

Dear Zach,

I stumbled upon this profile of anonymous and found this so called ‘criteria of prince charming’ is absurdly hilarious.

 

Try to find a right guy to become my lover.... The criteria of my Prince Charming is:

1. Understanding me
2. Gymmer like me ( plus if he like Less Mills Excercise like Bodypump, Bodyjam, Bodycombat and Bodybalance)
3. Can cook coz I love to eat.
4. Older than me and hopefully 35+ year old.
5. I don't care how rich he is because I can earn my own money.
6. Can spend time with me
7. Romantic
8. Caring
9. Love pet cause right now I planning to adopt Maine Coon / Bengal / American Short hair as my CHild....hehehehehe....
10. Lastly, can follow me every weekend to Fitness First to workout together with me....

Seriously, I m not a chooser guy because I m also just average guy but most people here just wanna hv fun and this year I m 33 and feel very old already to hvg affair/scandal/ ons. Just need a serious relationship only... Cheer !

 

I am so rolling on bed laughing real hard by reading point number 1 to 10.

Ironically, he self-disclaimed he isn’t a choosy guy but he still have the decency to list out 10 criteria of finding a prince charming. It’s okay to have listed out what he wants out of a guy.

Well. I shall: “say good luck in your endeavor.”