Dear Zach,
This incident happened one month ago when I was still dating Chris. It was a Sunday afternoon, where we were in a hawker shop, having our late lunch. At that time, I let down my barrier a little to share some story of my flings - since he was so into getting to know about me, especially my sex life. I don't bother to hide either. I told them whom I slept with. And then he told me about his exes - the story of heartbreak and dramatic incident. He told me his exes were so dramatic to the extent that you could imagine a guy would jump out of window just because he broke up with him, trying to cut his own wrist to end his life, ended up having two scars marked on his wrist. I seriously doubted what he said. Then he told me about his non-dramatic breakups - four out of eight, they cheated on him by falling for someone else. I didn't get it then; I'm clearly I got it now.
He told me about this one ex of his, who is diagnosed with HIV positive, cheated on him multiple times - mere time he found out from his friend that his ex blowing someone in the gym sauna. But he didn't leave him then, still care for him, paid for his medical expenses. I felt sorry for him then; I felt stupid for him now. Until one point, his ex had sex with a fellow one night. Somehow he found out, and forced him to confess to the guy he slept with, that he's a HIV carrier. He said if he didn't confess to that guy now, he would tell the whole world about him. He did anyway. The confession.
Then we talked about playing safe sex and stuff. I told him I had sex with this doctor one time last year, there was some occasions he tried to penetrate me unprotectedly, but I refused to let him. I spilled out the name of this doctor, he realized that there's a doctor who has the same name is a HIV positive carrier, who is having it for 10 years. I don't believe the coincidence.
The next morning, this thing irked me for the whole night, I quickly snapshot a pic of the doctor and send to him. Minutes later, he confirmed my worst fear. At the moment, my whole world crumbled and stop. I excused myself from work, and called and told him the truth. I was so assured that I didn't fuck with him raw. This was my safest bet. But still. It irked me throughout the whole morning. I applied for emergency leave and went to the pharmacies around my place to get the HIV Rapid Test kits. After an extensive search to no avail, I stopped my car at one side of the road, feeling so emotional and frustrated, I hammered my fist on the steering so hard, and yelling like no one else in the world.
After much contemplation, I came across a blogger's blog saying about this HIV Rapid test kits thing he used. So I quickly texted him and, thank god, he told me that he would get one for me. Later that night, we met up and carried out the blood test in his car. We waited for 10 minutes for the result to show. It was my most longest and dreadful 10 minutes ever. While waiting for the result to show, I told him about the incident. And he reassured me that everything will be fine since I didn't have bareback sex with the doctor. I can't make myself to believe a single word. My mind was numb and couldn't react to whatever he said. Without realizing it was already 15 minutes, I looked down at the test kits, it showed one band - negative result. I let out a huge breath and my mind came back to life.
I had sex with the doctor in last November, so within the three months window period, if I were to have it I would have symptoms by then. And it's already 3 months since, so the result is pretty much accurate.
Oh Lord! I am so thankful for the whole new chance given to me!
xx
