Dec

Dear Zach,

It's December and I refuse to be reminded that it's December. It pains me; In fact, it infuriates me. Mainly because I am jobless in the end of the year and aching for something to do. I am a doer; but I am not doing something much lately. I am hungry for something, metaphorically and literally. I am hungry for something to work on, and at the same time I am hungry for food, which makes sense in the following, as everything in the kitchen is just right in front of my room, and I have nothing better else to do than to eat all up.

I need a goal, a purpose, a meaning of life, to work on. Staying at home suffocates me. And I am frustrated with myself if I made the wrong decision leaving my previous job. I pour out my frustration in the morning gym session, but mainly in eating too much of foods. I can't help it. Because I have set a goal to have a supermodel physique next year, which is ridiculous to think about given the fact that it is too ridiculous to even think about. I have been fielding calls and text messages like a CIA. I ignored messages from some friends who keep asking me to hang out. I don't hang out simply because I am running tight of budget. And it's pointless to meet up when both of us always fill with awkward silence that kills me. I'd think twice before I go out with someone thinking if it's worth my time or its worth my money. Often I think of both as one factor. So usually I decided not to go out. 

Another frustration is that I never seem to be able to get a call from all 50 apps I have sent to all the companies. It infuriates me further more that the interviews I went to particularly not going so well. Mainly because they complaint to me about how badly operating the company is and how bad the people are working with, rather than interrogating me with questions. I was well prepared with all the answer to expected question, turned out it was about heart-pouring session of one of the pathetic employee. This shows a bad sign and I quickly disregarded the idea of going for second interview after I left. 

It's funny. Really funny I feel like laughing right now.

xx