Monday, June 30, 2014

Life Of 4 Years In College


Dear Zach,

This month could be the longest month I could have ever expected.

Quite a happening month as I look back at the entries I have written. I admit that I was quite emotional and (mildly) depressed by the whole one-sided thing. Anyway, let’s talk about others before I go on with my tirade.

I still have another 3 more weeks to finish my degree. I can’t wait that moment to come. It’s been so long staying here. So long I am starting to wonder if I am permanently attached to this place emotionally and physically. I want to leave this place as soon as I can and start my exciting life in the city. Not that I hate it here. The only thing is that this place is downright boring. My life in the past 4 years was dull and boring. There’s nothing exciting about my life that every young guy usually does what they should do in their early twenties. I spent most of my time, sitting in my room, facing my laptop, judging people on the internet while absentmindedly flipping through the pages to be assessed for test. Plus my studies were pain in the ass. Yes. Truth be told, my life had been like this. It’s dull and freaking boring you would ever wonder if I was sane enough to be normal.

And there is this guy I liked asked me the reason why I like to be alone. I said that I like it that way. No, I am not angry. No, I am not sad. I just like to be left alone. Maybe because I am a lone freak that’s why he is avoiding me. If that’s the reason, fuck him. I do have friends but not that much. I don’t go buddy-buddy with everyone I came across with. I never made an acquaintance to every guy I had sex with. Sex is sex. Nothing more than that I would ever do. I usually won’t reply to any message that send to me with the context of missing you. I ignore. What do u expect me to reply when I don’t even miss you? Tell the truth that I don’t miss you to hurt your pride? And I never kept in touch with my high school friends. Reason.. please resort to previous paragraph. Hence, I am alone. Yes. Yes. Alone. Like always. Alone in my room. Judging. Sleeping. Eating. And repeat. This is how the environmental factors have shaped me into this. How pathetic I am.

In short, there’s basically the overview of my life had been for the past 4 years. Fascinating isn’t? I am glad that I am leaving this place soon.

1 comment

  1. I recently knew a 19 years old plu friend whom has to work 12 hours shift in shopping center so that he can pay off his father gambling debt, and his family has no fund on his studies. Not that I compare his story with yours, but I think we should be grateful what we have now, be it less or more. It does feel suck being single, but maybe there's good reason behind in this state. But I do feel sad that most plu will only make contact when there's booty call. Is this circle all about, avoiding responsibility? Hopefully not...


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