Update

Dear Zach,

It's headed towards end of the month. So much has happened I couldn't put my thoughts in words easily as it seems. I got an offer as Fitness Instructor in a local gym club and I accepted it on the spot without hesitation. Because I am done waiting and worrying about what if. I want to work that work. And I also enrolled a professional fitness trainer development course and it will be starting next month. Everything seems to be in great place and I couldn't be more happier. I told my parents about my plans to work in Fitness and Health industry. They couldn't complain because they are so done seeing me miserably figuring what the actual fuck I want, they let me go to have my own way. I couldn't be any more grateful for their utmost supports in this matter. In future, I will be taking a lot of health and fitness related courses for my own good. I wanna build a career out of it. Right now, I need to focus one thing at a time - my PT development course, my job, and my body. I have a created a new blog to record my daily tracking progress changes of my physique. I'm dedicated to that to see how it goes in few months time. 

xx

Newsfeed

Dear Zach,

My news feed is currently flooded with "Hilary-Trump" campaigns. Every time I scrolled down my Facebook page, undoubtedly I would be seeing either Trump or Hilary across my feeds. Apparently, I don't care. Pictures of semi-naked men have always to be a favorite of my daily dose of caffeine; Now they are annoying as fuck. Status of people being love, grateful, and tirade complaint of everything and anything has been setting my teeth on edge. I keep getting message notification from this indian guy. We did chat for a while back then. Now I ignored him. The more I ignore him, the more tenacious he is. So I blocked him. And I keep getting request about swimming inquiry. Though it seem to be a good thing, but their intention weren't good enough. I have been asked for pictures. Why the fuck do you need a fucking picture of me when your intention is to learn swimming skill? It doesn't make any fucking sense, does it? Why? What if I am fat guy? Would you still want to have a lesson with me? If you are thinking with your dick when inquiring about something, I will not be polite to you. I am under no obligation to serve any of my privacy for your own viewing pleasure for that matter. I have been fielding booty calls like a CIA. I had too much sex last month; I had a few. I think my orifice is getting tighter with squats and hip-thrust. But I didn't make a good use of it. It's been a long month for me. 

Clear

Dear Zach,

I've set my goal. And I know what I want to do now. With the courageous words from my family and friends, even stranger who knows you for few hours talking about doing what you like to do for your own good, couldn't be any more helpful in steering my doubts away. My mind is clear with what I'm gonna do. And now is up to how I am gonna do it. I've enrolled a training course for next month. It was full of doubts but I took the chance. I can't worry so much to take risks. God will lead the way. It's now or never. 

xx

Annual STD/HIV Screen

Dear Zach,

It was quite a turmoil to me since my last HIV screening test in the car under the dark, knowing how grateful and blessed I am to be given a chance to live after knowing the fact I had sex with an unknowingly HIV-pos carrier. It was back in February when I had the test. After five months since then, I decided to get my full health check again yesterday. After running my errand, I went to the infamous Klinik Bangsar South - a clinic that provide most efficient and reliable screening service. I told the female doctor in my lower voice that I wanted to do full screening test for STD & HIV. She speaks quite loud though. I told her I had sex with men. She explained and advised in terms of protective sex in benefits of my health and everyone's health while my blood being drawn. The latest patient she told me she had diagnosed with HIV was just last month - he's just only 19-year-old. Everything was done in 5 minutes. It was rather quick. No urine needed. Only my blood required. I was told the report will be emailed to me the next day in the evening. I got my report today at 6 pm - I'm tested clean. She did also explain in the email some vaccination needed in near future which I find very helpful. I was quite surprised that she even took up some time to write a quite extensive email to patient, in which I find her very reliable and responsible. Here's what she wrote to me:

Pls see your attached report.No STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases/Infections) found. HIV Negative.Noted that you require 3 shots of Hepatitis B vaccination to be fully immunised at 0 months(now), 1 month later and after 6 months time.After which, you will be immunised for life against Hepatitis B virus.Do Consider getting Gardasil HPV vaccination for yourself & your partner as it prevents against genital warts, Cervical & other genital cancers in both men & women.Requires 3 doses of this vaccine to confer lifelong immunity against HPV( human papilloma virus).You may collect your original report from the clinic at anytime convenient,if you need it.Be a Safe Sex Ambassador, educate your friends & family regarding the importance of using Protection & Safe Sex.You can make a difference in reducing the spread of STDs & HIV.Stay safe. Use protection!! It saves lives!Don't forget to repeat your the HIV test 3 months after your initial exposure to recheck HIV Status after the incubation period.(if applicable) See you next year for your annual STD Screen!My advice to you:When going into a new relationship or  if there are any suspicions about your partner's fidelity/ sexual activities, it is wise for a couple to get screened. You have the right to choose Clean & Safe Sex.Kindly Recommend us to your friends/partners so that they too get tested and be safe.Thanks. 

The price for the checkup is RM300. Well, I don't mind paying extra for a good service.

To Do List

Dear Zach,

Things I want to do:

1. To be Fitness Instructor Certified

2. To be Yoga Instructor Certified

3. To be a Freelance Story Writer.

4. To create a health and fitness blog to help people in need.

5. To create a blog for local people to share their own story.

6. To volunteer at the beach for a month

7. To learn Japanese language as my prime skill to get to work in Japan

8. To take IELTS exam

9. To teach English in Japan.

10. To write a book.

11. To get a job to cover all costs above.

How To Live

Dear Zach,

Technically speaking, I was a let-go. But they decided to give me 2 options, which was either I resign by myself or I would have to serve a month for behavior observation, in which both options would eventually lead to one outcome: termination. They talked to me in not very nicely soft spoken way to maintain their highest form of filthy pride which makes me gag. I just don't get it as to why people working in the managerial position are so pathetically weird? Do they really think they have the entire reign in controlling people the way they act? I was very disappointed to have wasted such great opportunity to be working with such people in a reputable company. My ex coworkers are very supportive and envious on my decision in leaving, as though I was leaving on behalf of them. All in all, it's not worth it. 

Now, I am back to square one: feeling lost. Completely and utterly lost. I don't really know what I really want. I have my own dreams. All the dreams I have are all related back to money. Money is always an issue. I wanted to travel to find myself. But finding yourself in travelling would cost you a bomb. Not a sensible idea i would say. They said: "use your talent to sell". Ironically, I have no talent. No special skill. No in-depth experience in specific field. And indebted with shitload of loan with no job to pay. Good god, I still have home to live in. So, what am I to do with my life?      

In the nutshell

Dear Zach,

Alright. I've quit my job. Now it's time to find another one. The cycle goes like that. It is the 4th time in 2 years I've quit my job just like that. I've grown used to it. In fact, it seems to be a norm to me. Here are some facts I've gotta admit after working in office:

1. I hated working under stress. I don't handle it well even though I lied during the interview saying that I could handle it well. I lied. I didn't handle it well in the end. 

2. I always scowl when I work seriously. I was often mistaken that I have attitude problem - which utterly pisses me off. That's my fucking face. What do you expect me to change? A facelift, bitch?

3. I hated wearing office shirt. It looks good on me but I don't feel good at all. Simply because I sweat profusely under the sun. 

4. I hated having a female manager. Yes I'm sexist because I have bad encounters with 2 female managers who are as dry as nun's crotch. 

5. I hated to report to my superior for what I did for the day. Reporting means you gonna explain what you did. Explaining means you gonna tell her exactly what you did. She would look at you as if you were so dumb for doing such thing for the day. And then there set off the heated conversation between me and the superior, trying to right the wrong for me; wrong the right for her. She would accuse me for having "attitude" problem. Since when giving my own opinion is fucking equivalent to that? Which lead to number 6.

6. I hated accusation. And having a conversation with my superior. 

7. I hated having deadline. If you don't meet it, you would be so dead. 

8. I can't sit still. My ass is either always on constant penetration or always off the seat. 

9. I hated office environment. It just so not me.

10. I hated the fact that I earn peanut for working 9 hours. 

conclusion: I will never ever step foot in office job. It's never too late to know what I want now.