Sext Back

Dear Zach,

It is totally not surprising the fact that my phone was busy receiving incoming message mostly from hookups I met, those who I plan to meet, and those who I don't intend to meet. We chatted over hookup apps, getting to know the basic, and eventually came down to the sexual topic we both dying to know about. Thing was going on pretty well for a week. When the days gone by, it all boiled down to zero. Neither of us were bothered to text each other. It's either me waiting for him to text first or him waiting for my text. Some were even so irritating. For instance, I was under the weather for a week with flu and terrible cough, this guy I met two weeks ago was keeping up with my condition every day. First I thought, he was nice for concerning about me. Then it was not so nice. Every time by the end of the chat, he always kept assuming that I would be able to meet him up either that night itself or the night after. I was being polite to decline because I was not in the mood for sex due to my illness. He seemed to not understand. To one extent, I told him: "I want to meet you. But not now. You don't have to keep asking the same thing." It was blunt and honest. He texted me the next day again. I was reluctant to reply him back. The conversation ended half way. So last night, I tried texting him again, gauging his response. Well, he did not text back again. I understand. It is just sex. As I always said, if sex were to be removed from the equation, mostly we have nothing else better to offer. We are boiled down to the level of superficial. No surprise there, without sex, none of the relationship is working. Probably I should start a spring cleaning for my contact list. 

nonmonogamous dating

Dear Zach,

It has been years that I have been discovering myself physically and sexually. But I couldn't put my finger on what I really want. I thought of having a boyfriend whenever I feel lonely. When sex was done, I feel like I needed attention rather than a physical being by my side. I gave thought of having an open relationship with someone. Though, the notion is intrigue. That being said, the jealousy of me having a thought of my man fucking around would definitely surpass the brim of my cup - overflowed. So open relationship for me is definitely not working. I am the type that "you for me; me for all." If you know what I mean. I am selfish that way. 

Today, I came across this read about a girl who isn't ready settle down with one guy but want to date with a few guy, dabbling around with one-night-stands. She enjoys the way she's having it but she felt somewhat missing something yet she insists on not readying for a serious relationship. She called it as "nonmonogamous dating". It's like you enjoy meeting guys you really like on sexually and intellectual level. It somehow describes my current circumstance so perfectly. 

In fact, I am learning a lot about my sexuality through interacting with distinctly different partners. One week, I met 3 different guys. On Monday, I met A. On Wednesday, I met B. If I am not sexually tired, I would be on Grindr scoaching for guys. Yes, this is me on daily basis. I have 3 regular partners: Two of them are my favorite - sex was great with them, but there was so much more than that we connected. Somehow sex has deepened our connection.

And I learn a lot about Guys too. You can call me Sexpert. The more guys I met, the more I know better of myself in what I really want from myself. I learn about experiences from the guys I met about their tragic break up, hooks up, high and low in relationship, and it further pursues me that monogamous relationship is not my thing to be sought after anymore. It has become so unrealistic people want to be in it because it has to after seeing people got into relationship on Facebook. Y'all may think I am just creating an excuse for being a hoe. I am fine with it. I am actually happier that way. I do not need to deal with jealousy. I do not need to deal with worrisome petty argument. And I do not need to deal with boredom. People are actually open-minded with relationship. Depending on how you project your relationship in anyway you wish. But, sadly, most guys are living back in 90s', thinking monogamous relationship will bring us happily ever after. 

Gay Apps Ready

Dear Zach,

Since I've moved on, I have downloaded Grindr, Blued, Tinder, and Hornet to make myself readily available.

I have been busy switching between these apps. I was hooked to Tinder at first, as the week went by, guys in there are just for show. Conversation always ended in 4 or 6 sentences. I don't bother to go along. I haven't hooked up with anyone yet in Grindr. The choices of man is multifarious I can't bring myself to be picky. I am obsessed with Blued. Blued has instilled with its specialty of having a live feature by selecting "public" or "private". Good Lord. The first time I did public live of myself I was so nervous. But the thrill excites me and my dick. I gained a number of followers from there. When I switched to private life to selected guys, I bare all and show them what I got. There was one time I whatsapp one of my newly met sex buddy saying that we should do a "private live" sex for the audience. He was so hyped for it. The thought of it turns me on. Hornet is always my go-to hook up paradise with the amount of malay guys in there. I see some potential guys in there. Anyway, I try not to think about it.

Back On Top

Dear Zach,

I wasn't going about blog this but I blog it anyway. It is so groundbreaking. For y'all.

One night, I invited one of my regular sex partner over to my house when my parents were away for wedding dinner. As usual, we made out. We love making out because he is such a good kisser. FYI, he's versatile. But I know him long enough, so I didn't mind keeping him. We have good chemistry all along. We did 69 position and at one point I wanted to rim his ass out. He has such a nice bumpy ass. While he was sucking my dick with his slippery mouth on top of me, I dived into his ass and started eating his ass. I couldn't stop. My tongue was finding way to penetrate his hole. It felt so good. 

Then I asked, "Can I fuck you?"

He was eye-wided. "Really? You sure? Your dick is kinda huge." 

"No worry. I will go slow."

Without hesitation, he positioned himself on his stomach, I kept rimming his ass while I put on the condom. Without a sec, I slide my cock into him. I didn't know what came over me for making me being the top now. I was dominant. I wrapped him from behind and making out while undulating my hips for further penetration. Inside of me hoping that I won't cum too soon because I wish to enjoy. Usually, I came fast when I fuck and that's so embarrassing. 

The view of his round ass being penetrated turned me on even more, I fucked him hard enough to moan so loud. 

"It feel so good." He said.

"yeah.. oh god. Your ass is so good." I whispered in his ear. "you are the first guy I fuck in 2 years." 

This continued for at least 20 minutes. My dick turned soft because of my daily ritual masturbation in the shower room after work. Probably my dick was worked out. Not bad for a fresh start of being a top. 

Since my dick turned soft, he flipped me over into missionary position, and his turn to fuck me. 

He cum a river. I didn't. 

We washed ourselves and back to bed cuddling. We talked and kissed in between. 

"I really enjoy fucking you. Oh god. I can't believe I fuck someone after 2 years of being pure bottom." 

Now, the thought of being top has turned me on. Not sure if I should continue back being a bottom. 

Miss Moving On

Dear Zach,

Over the weeks, there were some malay guys hit me up in Instagram and Hornet. We chat a little. Getting to know each other a little bit better. Then they gone missing for days without a text.

I wasn't supposed to be upset over this petty stuff. But I was. So upset. With their mind thinking of fucking me.

Am I just a piece of meat to them?

Anyway, I've moved on from all those depressing rejection I've gotten.

Probably I won't need a relationship for the time being. I can't get anyone who is sincerely enough to ask me for date.