Jealous

Dear Zach,

I got extremely jealous these days. 

I got jealous of my regular tops when they told me they fucked other guys out there over text exchange as we planning to meet up. When they told me about their gory details, I got extremely jealous and my response was monotonous and sarcastic, and I cancelled the plan of meeting up in the end. Esp when they told me "it was awesome!". Like, do you really expect me to acknowledge your sex experience knowing that the bottom you fucked was better than me?

There are some tops who are happened to be versatile whom I do not know much even though they fucked me good. I'm so jealous of versatile gay guy. Like they can fuck and be fucked like a slut. And I don't fancy my top to be a versatile at all. I don't fancy the notion of my top to be fucked by a top. That's major turn off for me. There's one regular top I always meeting up with him, I did not know he is a versatile until one night we chat and he told me about it. He gave such a great sex but knowing the fact that he is a versatile put me off a little.

I hate bisexual guy. Because they are even more sluttier than versatile gay guy. They get to fuck female and male. And the way they treated me like a sex toy. I hate that and I will never fuck with them.

I know I have absolutely no right to be jealous about. 

I don't know why I was jealous about them. Probably I shouldn't be asking them about sex and their last sex. Better yet, stay celibate. 

I Love You

Dear Zach,

Our last text exchange was 2 weeks ago.

I was waiting for your text.

I just want to tell you that I do miss you a lot. I want to fall in love with you. I couldn't.

But I do love you. I love you.

But seemingly God want to pull us apart. We can never be accommodating for each other.

I hope you can find your love one in future. I love you. May you and your future partner be happy always.

I miss you. I love you.

Away

Dear Zach,

I've been too immersing myself in Social Media to the extent I almost forgot who I am.

I need some time off from Instagram. It's too intoxicating. I need to step back before I got too attached to it.

Meanwhile, I just need some time off to think.

I miss you

Dear Zach,

It is too common; It is too basic to hear this 3 words 8 letters.

Slowly I've got to realize that it is not something lovely to be said by someone you care anymore.

Guys saying it when they are horny; Guys saying it when they are bored; Guys saying it when they want your attention.

As much as I wanted to retort with a savagely mean reply, I couldn't.

Because that's what I really want to hear from them. Be it they are horny or bored, I want to hear it. I want to be missed. I want to be felt important. I want to be loved. Most probably I, myself, wanting attention as much as they do.  

Frustration. Given up. It's all about sex. It's never about love. It never was.

I was their sex toy. They never really missed me.