90kg

Dear Zach,

I have finally reached 90kg on Saturday! All those constant food stuffing and hardwork in gym have finally paid off. It is exactly 10 months of bulking process. Going from 69kg to 90kg is not as easy task as just eating MORE food - it requires structured food plan with adequate amount of macronutrients as you grow in size. Here's the summary of my bulking process:

•  my calories intake went from 2000kcal to 3200kcal in a gradual state of increment.
• gym 6 days a week. Cardio at least 3 times a week after weight training.
• Sleep by 11pm most of the time.
• My meal consists of eggs, oat, rice, and chicken. Also an add-on mass gainer protein shake in between.
• The fruits I ate usually banana, orange, and lemon.
• Since I omitted veggies in my meals, I substituted it with drinking psylium husk fiber at night before bed.
• I have cheat meals on the weekend.
• On Sunday, I would let my gut rest from constant loading of food. I eat only when I feel hungry.

And that's about it. I compare picture of me "before & after" and it shows a drastic difference. I do look big but I am still unsatisfied with the growth of my chest and arms. Somehow, my ass has grown the most, and that I am very proud of.

My next move will be the maintenance of my current weight for this month. Let's see how it goes then by the end of this month. New year new fitness goal perhaps.

Here's a few pic of my ass. It is still not as big as I thought, but they look good to me in comparable to some gay porn star. 

Bailed

Dear Zach,

I was feeling quite anxious yesterday about the raiding news happened on Friday night. The public humiliation of the media coverage has gone through the roof with vile comments. Funny how these people are shocked about the existence of men-only sauna for gay men. How do they expect us to meet gay men in public then? It is no surprise that the hardcore religious people are so disturbed by such news, they start to blame the gay people for the natural disaster happening in our country. "Homosexual is a sin. They have sinned, but we suffer." Little did they know that some of the detainees are highly educated and professional in medical field - one of them is a surgeon and specialist doctor in our local hospital. As much as I hope this country moving forward, this high profile raid has literally set us back many years.

I have been following the current news about the raid -170 local men were released today as all of them admitted that they were no victims of anyone in the premise. Another 30 men were foreigners that were still remanded for 2 days. But the case is now closed.

Meanwhile, there is another gay sauna in another state was also raided last night - only 11 men were arrested and will be remanded for 6 days.

Today I tried checking Kakiku on Google - another popular sauna in town after otot2 - and it stated closed for business temporarily since yesterday. It doesn't take a genius to know that it will likely be the next target for raid.

   

Raid

Dear Zach,

I wanted to write something else personal but the news about police raiding in Otot2 is all over the place in FB.

I am genuinely shocked when the news are plastered all over my FB news. Literally every news platform is all about it and making it to be the top headline of every news.

The raid happened last night Friday at 8 pm - the peak hour where most gays were arriving and enjoying good time. There were total 201 men arrested within the premise. Based on the short clips and pictures on news, most men were all covered with tower waist down during the raid. I also see some familiar faces in the short clips. 

I have always thought otot2 has been a safe spot for gay men since it has been operating for decades. Although there were a raid for few times over the years, but it has never made it to the news headline like this.

I am fortunate to make the decision that I stop going to otot2 last month. That being said, it doesn't mean other gay sauna in town is safe, in fact, they are more likely targeted next for the next sting operation.

I guess going to sauna for me is no longer an option anymore. 

CreamPie

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Tanned

Dear Zach,

There was this new guy from my gym recently who caught my attention due to his extremely tanned skin complexion. He has this muscular built that fits right to his body frame - strong arms with tattoo and well-built lower body. He always wears oversized shirt to cover up his already sizable body frame. I am fairly certain I am slightly taller than him. Occasionally, he would wipe his sweat off his face with the bottom edge of his shirt, giving me a sneak peek of his abdominal muscle which is fairly lean but not too shredded. His tanned skin complexion is the cherry on the top. His physique certainly compensates his lack of good-look of his appearance. All in all, he is an attractive man that stood out in the gym.

I wonder how he get so tan to the point where it gets close to dark brown color. He is not dark but not too brown either. I was told that steroid or PED injections can cause darkening of the skin color. Sun tanning could also be a factor in contributing darkening of the skin.

I used to love sun tanning by the swimming pool. The after tan effect was invigorating. But I always have bad breakout afterward. As skin cancer (melanoma) diagnosis has been drastically increased over the years, it is no longer advisable to get your skin burnt for all the wrong reason.

I just finished watching "The Big C" in Netflix. It is about a woman, who diagnosed with 4th stage melanoma, trying to live her life to the fullest while searching for cure for her cancer. Somehow I can relate to her in the end of her deathbed. The scene where she was bedridden with pains and confusion was exactly how my late mum dealt with. Overall, it was such a heartwarming series.      

Plan for This Weekend

Dear Zach,

It has been 2 weeks since I had a real sex. I am amazed at myself that I could go on so long without sex. "Long" is such a stretch here but I am pleased that I decide to desensitize my ass from having too much sex. Besides, I have only been to the sauna once this month itself. With the unfavorable weather has been for the past 2 weeks, I am reluctant to drive all the way to downtown in rain and there is a likelihood that I may stuck in the traffic due to flash flood or whatsoever. But I manage to sneak in a good massage session for myself in the middle of the week.

My dad will be away for a trip to Vietnam on this coming Friday and back on next Tuesday. So I have the whole house for myself. I texted this guy I had fun with last month  if he wants to come over for sex again. Unfortunately and coincidentally, he will be outstation for work and only be back on Sunday, hence Monday is the only option he could come over. I am thinking about to reinstall grindr just for this weekend. So much do I know that I will be smacked with another disappointment again.

Most likely I will be going to Chakran. We will see.   

Juicy

Dear Zach,

Ever since I have started noticing my ass has gotten much rounder and bigger than I thought it would, despite the fact that it is still far from my ideal size and shape, I have been splurging on buying tight compression short pants as reward for my hardwork working my "ass" off in the gym. I do have to admit that I look good in those slutty compressed tight that accentuated the shape of my ass, flaunting around in the gym, and probably am I the only man who dare to wear such tights for working out. Of course, I bought them at bargain prices - I owned 5 pieces of them in different colors.

It is motivating when you realize what you are working on is slowly coming to fruition. The aggressive bulk that I am doing is definitely the major part in shaping my ass. Although I am out of shape, I don't really care much of getting in shape or being shredded. I am tired and hate being skinny and lean after years of working out. With such success I have in bulking, I will definitely stay the way it is and be big. I don't care if I lose my abs. All I want is to have a big juicy ass and I definitely will get it.

Return to Old Ways

Dear Zach,

I have deleted Grindr from my phone. It is done. I am so done with it. I couldn't be more relief when there is one less social apps in my phone for me to stay away.

Grindr is best for those who are always on the move from city to city; Not for people like me who always stays at home, waiting for booty call messages but unwillingly to move to anywhere beyond 5km. Apart from that, I have read that the criminals these days are targeting gay people on grindr, and rob the victims' phone and hacked into it, and transferred all the funds out of the victims' bank account.

Gone is the days when gay men on grindr expecting to have sex upon serious meetup. Now, these gays are expecting this and that and everything before meeting up, and then decided to ghost you before the hour of meeting up.

Hence, it is decided that I shall go back to the old ways of meeting up guys: cruising, bathhouse, swimming pool. Way before grindr existed, I always cruise in the toilet of the empty malls, checking out guys in skimpy trunk in the swimming pool, cruise around the area of swimming pool where some men suntanning naked at some secluded area of the pool side, and walking in some random shower room cubicle that was left ajar expecting a hardon awaiting for you in the shower room swimming pool. And I always had luck in hooking up in the swimming pool shower room.

Gay sauna is, no doubt, a place I would always go to. I always anticipate the weekend to come faster.