The End of 2017

Dear Zach,

It's time for my evaluation of my life in 2017.

It wasn't that bad. I still keep my job safe. Probably the longest run a job I've been working with. This job got me the flexibility to have sex randomly at random time which is a good thing.

Nothing significantly happened in 2017. Except the amount of sex I was having was certainly good.

I got to know more about myself really well sexually.

1. Being a pure bottom is my main role.
2. Any tan or dark skin male is my main preference.
3. Cut dick is the best.
4. Preferably dick size 5 to 6 inches.
5. My blow job skill is dramatically improved over the years.
6. I hate muscular fit guys.
7. I got turned off by chinese guys.
8. Kissing and rimming is the main foreplay I would and expect the opposition to do.
9. I'd prefer dick pic over face pic.
10. Gay hookup apps I am using now is Hornet, Grindr, and Blued. (they lifted off my suspension after several email exchange with the operator. So now my old previous account no longer available. I created a new account and started hooking up again.)

I realized the very important fact that I am not capable of having a relationship. All I ever wanted is to have attention. Probably attention is what every one needs now. I don't believe in monogamous relationship. I don't buy that. End of story. I am very happy living with my single life.

Just yesterday, I had sex with an American Black Guy. His dick wasn't as long as I would have expected. But it was thick. It was great.

I don't want to have any resolution. It is useless and I don't think I would ever comply to it. Let's just have sex and go through the year with a dick.

Hornet Suspension

Dear Zach,

I have been having a lot of sex last 2 weeks. I almost had it twice a day in every 2 days. I am sexually tired. And I can barely get myself hard these days.

My hornet account was suspended. I was pissed. Most of my hook ups I contact are from there!

Welp. probably this is my calling to remove it for good start for new year.

Sex During Working Hours With Big Dicks

Dear Zach,

It was a boring sunny Friday where I was in my workplace doing nothing much except scrolling on gay apps. A guy I met up once who almost teared my ass once hit me up this time. Since my time is really flexible, I sneaked out and met him at his place which is just 15 minutes away from my workplace. As usual, he greeted me in his boxer, but he shaved off his hair and put on some weight. He looks very cute. Without further ado, we made out on his bed and slowly proceed to rampaging my ass with his mouth while I was on top of him sucking his 6 inches cut dick feverishly. 5 minutes later, he slid his cock into my ass slowly, then proceed to fucking me hard from behind. It was solid 30 minutes of hard fucking both of us sweating like crazy.

After sex, we kissed goodbye and I returned to my workplace. I was tired but I was still horny because I did not cum. And then this guy from hornet hit me up again after not attempting to meeting up for so many times. After work, I went to his place. He looks smaller than the picture he put up on in Hornet. But he looks very typical Malay which I love the most. He seems like a quiet person than he actually look. We both cleaned ourselves before we laid on bed and started smooching each other. I slid my hand underneath his towel and found myself a gigantic 7 inches thick cock. I was shook! "That's too damn big!" I exclaimed. He laughed. I snapped a pic of his huge cock before I savor its whole thing in my mouth. Big damn juicy! Most of the time, he practically ate my ass out as much as he could. It felt so good with his wet mouth on my anus, feverishly eating it. Slowly, he penetrated inside me with his huge dick, I've never felt so good in my life. He took it slow in afraid of my pain. I appreciated it but I wish he can go faster - I am capable of handling big dick. We lasted for 20 minutes. It was great having a huge dick in my ass again.   

I still get jealous

Dear Zach,

I am extremely jealous. I feel like my hand is shaking with huge load of emotion with mixture of anger and disappointment. I know I have no right to be jealous over something I should not be jealous at the first place. 

I refuse to kiss and tell. Somehow I can't help it to share my sexual escapades to my regular sex buddy. I am not sure what has gotten over me. 

One day, my fav regular sex buddy texted me since he was off that day. 

When I told him I was gonna fuck him again. 

"Again?" He replied.

"You afraid?" 

"Ya a bit. But its okay. I am here for you." 

"But you have to moan softer this time because my parents are sleeping next door. hehe." I replied.

After an hour, I looked into my phone and he said: "Go slow and easy should be fine. I met a guy last week he fucked me so hard til I bled. No one has ever fucked me til bled before that's why I scare."

I was so angry. Jealous. And extra jealous. I can't help it. 

I replied monotonously. He asked if I was sad or jealous. 

Thing was going well and we planned to meet up that night. Even if he came over, I wouldn't have the mood to fuck him anymore. 

I told him I was a bit tired and don't come too late. Seemingly he seemed unconcern about it, he said: "hmmm we can meet someday next time if you want."

Without further ado, I hit back "okay." 

I really hate putting so much emotion into sex. Knowingly it wouldn't bring much good to us. 

I was waiting for him last week but he found others instead. I am so disappointed as I shouldn't be. 

Reason Why I Don't Date

Dear Zach,

After nights of contemplating and thinking of the sole reason why I refuse to date or start a serious relationship, I have finally come to the terms to that. Or should I put it this way, the core reason for that.

I am financially unavailable. 

For those you may be thinking, "Dating or starting a relationship does not cost a penny." Let me break it down for you one by one. 

I live in a city with a salary just adequate for myself alone. I live with my parents. I drive my mum's car to work. I do not have to pay rent and no commitment issue. I am free for that. The expenses which include gas and teleservice are less than RM400. I extract a sum of my salary for my own saving and parent's allowance. All and all, this comes down to remaining RM1000. RM500 for my food allowance and another RM500 for emergency uses. My dad has paid off my PTPTN loan in which I am truly grateful for that. I am debt free and I couldn't ask for more. 

Typical dating cost averagely RM1000 per month. 

1. Movies - RM18-20 for movie tickets/ popcorns and shit RM15. So there goes RM30-40 per movie going. A month will cost RM160. 

2. Lunch and Dinner (assuming you date all day with your man) - fancy eat out costs RM15-25 per portion. RM12 for beverages. Total = 25 + 12 = RM37 per fucking meal. RM74 for 2 typical meals.

3. Hang out and chill at fancy cafe - A cup of coffee cost RM12. RM15 for large. RM9 for cakes. Total RM21 for just sitting and eating a fucking cakes. 

4. If he's working out at high end gym, you may be very likely workout with him at his gym - gym membership RM189 - RM200 per month. 

5. Miscellaneous - Minimum RM100-200 a gift to make each other happy. 

A month of typical dating as shown above would cost RM950 to or more than RM1200. You can calculate based on your frequency of dating. 

So, you can see how much it costs to spend for a date. Literally a date could drain you as much money from your wallet as it could. Unless he's rich, sadly I am not rich. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. That amount of money for a month can be used for so much occasion. Why would I want to spend for meaningless date whereby it will eventually lead to break up as commonly it will be? 

You probably think that he would surely understand my situation and he will pay for everything when we date. Clearly, one has a limit too! I can't expect him to pay for everything and not feeling guilty about it. Sooner or later, he would get fed up with me and call me as gold-digger. Typical gay guy loves to hang out at the mall. How much sex can we offer for a day if we were to stay home? Clearly, one of us would be bored of each other. 

They said "No matter what, you have to spend some money in dating.". This is why I don't date. Can't you see how much it cost? 

If both are attracted to each other just because of sex, why not just have sex and get it done? Sex is free and liberal. 

I choose sex over date. That's why. 

Passive

Dear Zach,

I don't know why I am like this, I am getting more and more passive in terms of socializing. I hardly initiate a text to anyone lately. I found myself that I have no reason to do so. Because of that, I lost a lot of opportunities in meeting good lad. Because of that, I've pushed away the guy I loved.

It's okay. I am never worthy enough to be loved. I am never worthy enough for everyone.

I Miss Missing You

Dear Zach,

There were times when I was thinking what I did wrong to deserve to be alone all the time. I was never loved by any man in my life. I loved him but he did not. Probably I was seeking for attention.

I was given advice that I should stop dabbling around having sex with random guys for good. Probably the stupidest shit I've ever heard. As if I stop doing that, the man you love will come to you sooner. I don't believe that. Some guy abstain himself for a years yet he's still single. Probably they should try harder enough to be single to get a guy.

Out of the blue tonight, I just missed him.