no friend

Dear Zach,

Ever since I removed Grindr from my phone, I have been feeling quite lonely. It is not that I got to meet guys most of the time. But the constant anticipation of the grindr notification sound throughout the day is what I miss the most. Besides, most guys there are mostly Malays and I tried to avoid meeting them up. Ironically, I just got fucked by a Malay last week but he was just an old fling I met few months back. And I also got bred by another Malay last Friday in the motel room. What can I say? These 2 are the ones who have my number, and as a begger, I can't be a chooser.

A doctor friend of mine shifted his practice in town in the beginning of this month. He is staying alone in a condo close to his working hospital. We agree to meet up someday but he knows me damn well that I will not go all the way to downtown. Even if I go to his place, sex will always be involved between me and him. Probably it was just a courtesy text for letting me know he is in town for work for the next 6 months. I try to engage with him some topic for conversation but he seems not to be bothered. So I dropped it and move on. 

I look at my contact list, apart from those unsaved number who are my sex flings, I realize I have no friend. It is kinda depressing that I am sex toy for them. Is it me being too ignorant for a friendship that does not involve sex?   

Short Attention Lifespan

Dear Zach,

I have been trying my best not to tap on my phone as often as I could, but I failed. The only social media I have now is Facebook. I am drawn to the short video column and find myself scrolling endlessly for 20 to 30 minutes. I tried to put my phone down. Somehow my hand absentmindedly grabs the phone and start scrolling away.

I did try to focus on watching on Netflix, not even 5 minutes into the show, my phone was already in my hand, eyes on the phone, and paying no attention to the background voice from the show talking away itself. Thank god I am no longer active in Instagram and X anymore.

Even my monthly Youtube premium subscription can't convince me to stay any longer than 5 minutes on the screen. That being said, I have been watching a lot of educational and general knowledge documentaries, mainly from TED-EDU where they story-tell in mere 3 minutes length of duration with funny and interesting animation. Amazing how a short video can convey so much knowledges with simple understanding terms and animation. This is exactly how short our attention life span is. Everything has to be short and grab our attention as soon as we lay our eyes on.

On the other note, there will be a big book sales carnival in town in coming 2 weeks. I tried to buy a book from bookstore but the price is too ridiculous for me. RM79.90 ? Seriously? I am gonna wait for the year end book sales carnival, I can get less than RM20 for the same title. I need to pick up reading back. I feel like I am getting more and more stupid by each passing day.      

Microjoy My Ass

Dear Zach,

I read from one of the blogger mentioning about the deep appreciation of microjoys. There is always the little things that we often neglect in our daily life give us the tiny bit of joy. Like waking up in the morning feeling rested or a fellow gym goer compliment your ass or sucking dick.

It is all down to how you perceive these joy at which level of magnitude.

One of the microjoys I got is one regular female gym goer compliment how round my ass is, asking what I did for getting it plumped.

At last, someone has taken notice of my ass. Sadly it was from a woman.

They say "what you upload on the internet, it will be forever staying in the internet."

Here's my bare ass pic staying here for the internet. It is not like my sex tape hasn't been leaked in the gay porn domain for the public view - I was an OF creator years back, remember?  

He Wears It

Dear Zach,

The pakis guy in the previous post was texting me non-stop for the past 2 weeks. I couldn't host as my brother has been staying at home for the last 2 weeks. But my effort of not replying him seem to be encouraging him to text me incessantly. I really applaud these pakistanis mens' persistent effort of not giving up in texting when comes to booty call. It shows that they do care for you a lot ... ... so that they won't lose a hard-finding chinese bottom who can host or meet their sexual needs.

Last night, I was horny and craving for his dick. I replied to his text and agreed to meet at my place at 1030pm. I fetched him to my place while we were on the way back to my place, he asked me if I have a condom. I was pleasantly surprised. I asked him why you need one.

"safety.." he said sheepishly.

I am glad he requested to have safe sex.

When we were in my room, we both stripped naked. He crossed his arms from my back and hugged me tightly. Our skins were so warm for each other. He sniffed my shoulders across my neck to meet my lips. I turned and faced him, playfully caressed his hairy chest, I moved in and kissed him softly. Our lips were stacking on each other urgently and hungrily. We were making out romantically.

He was fully rock hard at 7 inches. I kind of expecting his request of having safe sex was just a bluff. But he ushered me to the piece of condom lying on the table. I was more than happy to put it on him. He was rock hard with a rubber on it - a great sign.

The sex lasted surprisingly longer than usual. We managed to try different positions that we both find comfortable. It wasn't just fuck; We made love. It was slow and sensual - him enjoying the view of my missionary pose with both of my thick thighs up on air while me enjoying the view of his hairy torso and lustful pleasure while he was inside of me. I can tell he loves my ass a lot as he playfully slap it when he entered me from the back. It is juicy and firm.

Once we were finished, he said that he can fuck longer with a condom on. Without a condom, he came way too fast.

"Well, then, I will stock up a lot of condom for you so that you can fuck me more often." I teased him playfully.

         

Pakis's way of like

Dear Zach,

Two weeks ago, when my dad was away for a trip, I've had the whole house for myself. I invited this Pakistanis guy from grindr over to my place that night. He has no transport and stays relatively near to my house, I made the effort to fetch him to my home. With Pakistanis man, I would have expected the time duration of the sex would be less than 10 minutes - they always cum way too fast the moment they put their dick inside of me.

He is tall, dark, and masculine. In fact, every pakistanis man I have ever met is masculine and that is what I love about hooking up with them. With a bit of unshaven beard and goatee, he greeted me in my car with deep voice. I brought him back to my home. He complimented that I have a nice house. Since it is dark at night, no neighbor next to my both side would notice him.

We stripped naked as soon as we were in my room. With the subtle hairs across of his front torso, I took a deep sniff of his hairy chest and the musky body odor hit my olfaction. When our faces closed to each other, I was surprised by his impromptu kiss on my lips. Fun fact: majority of the pakistanis would never kiss or suck or rim or does nipple play - surprisingly this pakis man kissed me with full passion. He tasted like cigarettes. Soon after, I kneel down and took his 7 inches in my mouth. We kissed and cuddled for a while before he fucked me.

He told me his last sex was with an indonesian lady. It was just sex but nothing permanent at the moment. I asked if he wears a condom. He was okay with it or don't. But when we came to doing the real thing, he refused wearing one. I was glad I was on PreP the day before. So we did it raw. The sex didn't last very long but it was enough for me to let a Pakis man to unload inside of me - it is my fetish having them to raw fuck and cum inside of me.

Once we were finished, he was trying his luck asking me for some money. My attitude changed in 360. I firmly told him "no". One bad habit of them they tend to ask for money in return. They would give all sort of excuses just for a short change. But my response has always been firm and cold. He seemed to get the point in my response. He didn't query much further.

When on the way sending him back, he told me he fucked an indian guy few months ago and he gave him RM200. I said that I won't give and never will. He only did it because the guy isn't chinese and he loves chinese guy, therefore, he will fuck me for free.

Oh whyyyyy.. how generous of him to do that. In fact, I shall charge him for fucking me instead!

I would like to continue this sex thing going with him. Or sticking to only him when having bareback sex. But what worry me is his HIV status. You would think these labor workers are not sexually active. You are dead wrong in this - they have their way of finding guy/woman for sex. And they wouldn't use a condom neither. They usually have nothing else to do except working for 12 hours a day. Hence, sex is always in their mind. I want to skip taking my on-demand PreP so that I can have unplanned sex with him at late night. Also, I am afraid in future he would start asking me for money again. 

What is your take in them? As much sex craze as they are, they hardly have sex to be honest. One of the main factor is that they can't host and very discreet. 

Jail For Being Gay

Dear Zach,

There are news about the government plan to review existing legal provisions on the enforcement of deviant activities such as "unnatural sex" or plainly known as "gay sex" following the high profile raid on last Friday. The released of the detainees were due to the lack of evidence and legal ground for remand. Based on the current law, it is illegal to have gay sex but only it is illegal when it is caught in act or either of the party claim to be victim. Although it is illegal, the current law is too ambiguous to able to charge someone for it. In other word, there is no right law for now.

Some government personnel who got detained during the raid were removed from job. It is no surprise they did it in swift action to "punish" for involving in such scandal. Literally every homophobes in the internet trying to place their insult in every way they could. I have read a story about one of the detainees who get humiliated in the interrogation room for asking him to fake "moaning", describing the way they were treated in disgust, and given only small piece of bread and water in the lockup cell.

I am afraid for myself - afraid that we will soon become criminal for just being gay. What if gay sex is no longer a normal sex and will become the only reason you get jailed for doing what you love in your own private time? Tbh, I am not sure if I want to have sex in a cheap motel anymore.    

90kg

Dear Zach,

I have finally reached 90kg on Saturday! All those constant food stuffing and hardwork in gym have finally paid off. It is exactly 10 months of bulking process. Going from 69kg to 90kg is not as easy task as just eating MORE food - it requires structured food plan with adequate amount of macronutrients as you grow in size. Here's the summary of my bulking process:

•  my calories intake went from 2000kcal to 3200kcal in a gradual state of increment.
• gym 6 days a week. Cardio at least 3 times a week after weight training.
• Sleep by 11pm most of the time.
• My meal consists of eggs, oat, rice, and chicken. Also an add-on mass gainer protein shake in between.
• The fruits I ate usually banana, orange, and lemon.
• Since I omitted veggies in my meals, I substituted it with drinking psylium husk fiber at night before bed.
• I have cheat meals on the weekend.
• On Sunday, I would let my gut rest from constant loading of food. I eat only when I feel hungry.

And that's about it. I compare picture of me "before & after" and it shows a drastic difference. I do look big but I am still unsatisfied with the growth of my chest and arms. Somehow, my ass has grown the most, and that I am very proud of.

My next move will be the maintenance of my current weight for this month. Let's see how it goes then by the end of this month. New year new fitness goal perhaps.