Dilemma

Dear Zach,

I am starting to become more self-conscious of my physique as I am leaning toward 90kg. Last check on Sunday, I am at 88kg. Although I have gained size overall, what makes me self-conscious about is my belly. It is not that kind of unhealthy overweight fat belly, but it is the kind when a person is consistently working out in the gym and increases his caloric intake steadily, the abs is eventually shielded by a layer of fat that is probably an inch thick. I suddenly have this sense of self-consciousness because I took a selfie in the front mirror and compared the picture I took 2 months ago, it has shown such a drastic change of my physique. However, seemingly some regular gym members start to notice my body changes and shower me with compliment. 

Apart from that, I am getting less messages in Grindr now. When I get messages, they are mostly from scammers asking me if I want to have a friend and partner. I always use the most recent photos I took to put on my grindr profile. I never liked the idea of deceiving men with some old pic of me due to my insecurity just to get hookup. They either like the current me or don't. Same scenario applied to sauna visits, I can certainly feel the sense of being casted out when you are unfit.

I am starting to ponder on the thought of losing fat once I reach 90kg. But I am satisfied of how I look now for real. I can finally see some meat on my bones. My ass cheeks are getting plump and rounder. It took me almost a year to finally get here, I do not want to lose all of it just because of what other mean gays say. I am gonna delete Grindr anyway. I've had more action with men from sauna instead. 

I always wanted to be muscular. If being unfit and fat is what it takes to become one, I would rather to be uncomfortable for now so that I can be comfortable with what I will achieve later in life. 

How To Heal Anal Fissure You Get From Anal Sex

Dear Zach,

One of my biggest peeves being a pure bottom is having anal fissure. I've had them for a number of times throughout my adult years and, trust me, it is not a good feeling. I just had it last week. 

Anal fissure is, in the simplest terms, a tiny wound around the smooth muscle tissue around the orifice. Although it is tiny to be noticed, it is hurtful enough to know its existence.

You can get it resulted of passing of hard-stools or rough sex or sex without lubrication. For me, I always got it from having sex. And the tiny split always occurred relatively near to bottom end of the external anal sphincter. (as you can see the picture below, a tiny red wound close to the sphincter). Sometimes I also got it from folliculitis - an inflamed hair follicle near my anus, because I always shave my ass to make it smooth for rimming. 

I have tried many ways of healing it. And these are the best ways recommended medically by doctors:

1. Sit bath

Prepare a basin large enough to fit your ass into it. If you have a bathtub, that would be good. I use a plastic basin and place it on the floor. I fill the basin with ONLY warm water. Then, I sit in it for 5 minutes. The purpose of doing this is to promote blood flow to the injured area for healing. I do this twice a day after shower.

2. Apply antiseptic/antibiotic ointment

For me, I apply antibiotic ointment on the affected area twice a day after sit bath. I usually squat down so that I can easily pinpoint the wound and apply on it with the ointment. You can purchase it from drugstore or pharmacy. I use Pfizer Terramycin Ointment - it can also be used for eyes infection.

3. Avoid having sex for the moment til it completely heal.

Usually when the cut is minor, it would heal within 2 to 3 days. Avoid having sex at all cost because anal penetration could very likely aggravate the affected area.

The only way to know if it is completely heal is when there is no pain ensued when you wash your ass with water. 

In the nutshell, anal fissure is pretty common for bottoms to have it. Most of the time it does not require surgical intervention. Just treat it with care and then you will be good to get fucked in no time. 

FYI, those 2 pics are my real ass ;)

High School Shenanigans - Sex and Killing

Dear Zach,

The number of killing crime has been shockingly happening quite frequently in my country for the past months. Just 2 months ago, there was this teenage son who killed his mother, who happened to be a teacher and widow, and younger brother. The magnitude of the news has become the headlines of my fb news feed everyday. News have it that the son was under immense academic pressure and constant nagging by his mother who wanted the best for him. He couldn't take it no more and ended up killing the mother in her sleep. His younger brother tried and stopped him but it was too late and ended up got killed instead. It was such a heartbreaking news.

Besides, every week there were cases about high school students being sexually abused. The most recent one was about a female student being raped by 4 high schoolers in the classroom, and the whole scene was recorded and dissipated through social media. Then, in another state of the country, there was a case about consented group sex between the high schoolers happening in the classroom. What in the world has become?

Just few days ago, a new killing case happened in the school between a 14-year-old male and 16-year-old female student, in which the 14 y.o kid stabbed 200 times at the chest of the female student in the toilet because she rejected his love confession. He killed out of rage. He then calmly walked around the school compound with the bloody knife in his hand. He was apprehended shortly after.

It is crazy how the high school ground has become such a major crime scenes. I strongly believe social media is the one to blame. Teenagers having early sex is pretty normal. What not normal is having group sex in the classroom and recording the whole sex scene and post it online. That's sick. I can hardly find any group sex for myself due to frequent raiding in the hotels.   

My Last Time Going to Otot2

Dear Zach,

Just when I thought I could get laid in the infamous Otot2 sauna, things couldn't have gotten any bad than it could. Probably I went on one of the weekdays, hence the disappointment rendered me to draw my final straw of going to this place.

I arrived at the place at 7.30 pm. Paid my entry and undress in the locker room and went to shower. The crowd was significantly lesser than it normally would. I walked around, enjoyed the immense heat in dry and wet sauna, and dipped myself in the hot spring for recovery. Around 8.30pm, I tried looking around for men. To my disappointment, most of the men were either out of shape, old, fat, and way too skinny to my liking. There were 2 good-looking chinese guys so far hanging around - I can tell they do workout a lot. And they were such a huge catch amongst the men. I felt like one of them was into me. I couldn't tell. Because I was certainly not into them.

There were so many malays around as usual. And I have zero interest in any of them nor they in me. Ever since I have been bulking up, my sexual appeal has been declining. I've got lesser touches from men in sauna. I am not complaining because this is the choice I made when I decided to gain size for my body. I guess gay men would still very much prefer men in their lean and toned physique.

It was close to 9.30pm. I've got no action with any man. There was no single brown man in sight. I've seen more attractive men in Chakran than in here. I was so disappointed. Somehow, there were a few guys blew me. And most of these guys are bottoms. So many bottoms but where is the tops? Probably there would be more attractive men in sight if I come on the weekend. But since the place was infested with mostly malay and bottoms, this would be my last time being here. To be honest, I never had a good time here ever.      

Untitle

Dear Zach,

For the last few weeks, apart from going to gay saunas, I also have been dropping visit to a few bookstores in town just to check them out. Despite the fact that you can easily view the variety selection of books on the internet, something about visiting bookstore is and has always been an anticipation for me - especially browsing the newest releases placing right in front of the entrance with "New Arrival" tag upon entering.

I tried picking up reading for the past 2 months. Apart from reading books from my favorite author, I did try to read some others authors' work. But I didn't like it. I tried to finish it. I just couldn't. This made me skeptical in buying new books. Also, the prices of the books these days are never cheap. It ranges between RM60 - RM120. I still remember back then the cheapest was RM32. With the price double up now, I can no longer simply afford books from different author just so that I could "try" reading if I like it. With such price, it costs me a week of grocery shopping. I will probably look for second handed books online under RM20. 

Most of my expenses now are on the foods. My goal toward 90kg looks promising now. I am standing at 87kg. I certainly look bigger than I was. My ass is getting bigger and rounder. My chest looks slightly wider and larger but still looks like shit to me. I intend to go for being pro-bodybuilding. I asked my coach feedback about being PRO in Malaysia, he told me "... don't... it does not worth all the hardwork you pay off... just be fitness influencer or be a slut on tiktok/instagram, and get sponsors from there, you earn way more from there than being a PRO ... ". It was a total let down, but what he said it was true. If you are hot and good-looking, just dance stupid on tiktok would get you to somewhere.

Every thing now on socmed is all about sex.   

Boring and Brawl

Dear Zach,

This weekend my dad was away again. And I have the whole weekend by myself. Unfortunately, I've had anal fissure since Thursday. I wasn't able to have sex since the fissure was very near to my orifice. I thought it would be healed by Saturday. But it was still slightly sore. So I forgo the idea of asking the 23 y.o tall guy over my place for sex.

Luckily, the fissure is completely healed today. So I decided to go to Chakran again.

But It was so bad tonight. Most of the guys are bottoms and they have small dicks. They sucked me more than I did. In fact, I didn't even get to suck them at all. The crowd was significantly lesser. A few chinese guys trying to hit on me, but I was not interested.

I went to the rooftop to try my luck. There was this chinese mature guy sucking this indian's 7 incher in the public view. The indian guy saw me walking over and grab my hand and asked me to join. He sucked me while the chinese guy sucking him. It has become the center of attention while others were on the mattress, lying there, watching the action taking place. Soon, another indian skinny guy joined us, but he was quite shy. I was very eager to suck the 7 incher, but it was in somebody's mouth. Slowly, it has become a mini orgy without sex. I got bored but the big dick indian guy wanted to fuck me raw. So we both moved to the private room. Although he was very hung, sadly he can't get it fully hard to be able to penetrate me. But we both had a great make out session though.

Then I went to the dark steam room. There was a brawl almost broke out in the middle of the room. As I was chilling inside awaiting, a few guys walked into the dark. Later, I heard the sound of a slap on someone, the guy who got slapped yelped and started pushing around, I quickly ran out. Almost everyone ran out in the fear of getting punched. The guy who got slapped was a very tall brown guy with tattoo on his right arm. He was angry and frustrated the way he was treated when he refused somebody's touch. He walked away and left. I feel bad for him as that is not right to slap someone when you cannot accept rejection.

I feel like Chakran is getting boring for me. I think I should give myself a breather from going to sauna. Every gay sauna I go, there are more number of bottoms than tops. I want to get fucked hard and rough; Not getting sucked by random bottoms who think I am a top.   

A Barebackful Weekend 2

Dear Zach,

Friday night sex has left me wanting to get bred more. There was no luck on Saturday although there were a few interests in grindr planning to meet up but they cancelled on me last minute. I took a break on Saturday and went to Chakran on Sunday evening.

I reached there at 7 pm and it was already happening in both dry and steam sauna. As usual, I took my shower and went to sit in the dry sauna for a while. There were a few blowjobs between me and a few indian guys. Nothing particular. 

I went into the steam sauna and I can tell there were actions taking place. I could hear sloppy and muffling dick sucking at a few corner. Since it was dark inside, all I could do was to reach my hands as a lead and touch whoever wanted to be touched and got down to business. I managed to suck a thick indian cock. So thick I wonder if it could fit in my ass. There were many men coming in, congesting the entrance, at this point, everyone was just against each other slippery wet body.

Then, there was this guy walked in, followed by another guy behind him. As far as I could fairly make out his silhouette, he is lean and hairy, I can tell he works out a bit. As soon as our body touched, I grabbed his junk as he grabbed mine, his growing 7 inches throbbing in my hand. But it was taken away by another hungry mouth, but we caressed each other body, and started to make out ferociously. He sucked my dick and I sucked his as his pushed away the sucker - long and juicy in my mouth. I stood up, and turned my back facing his, my ass poking his dick, hoping he would get the hint that I wanted to get railed in the middle of the crowd there and then.

He got the hint, and grabbed hold of my ass, spit on his dick, and slid right into my ass. I gave out a yelp as he did. He pounced me so hard while everyone around us minding their own business. The ass pounding sound echoed all over the dark steam room. A few started to get close to us. We moved out closer to the entrance where there was a bit of light shine through so that anybody who walked in on us could see that we were fucking in the middle of the way. A few men who walked in was surprised by the ordeal and stayed and watched.

As the heat was getting on us, we took a break and walked out. Now, I could totally see him. He is relatively good-looking - with trimmed beard from ear to chin, hairy chest, faded hair style, and lean physique. He asked if I was a local. I told him yes. And he is a Pakistanis. Oh sweet lord jesus... ... my favorite kind of man. We chat a little and continued our public fornication in the dark steam room. I was so turned on by attention I was given. As he was getting close, he pulled out, and started jerking off fiercely, and asked me to finger his ass. He cried out loud and cum all over his body.

I thanked him and moved on to find others to fuck me. Soon, I found another one in the dark steam room, hard dick out standing in the middle, I moved my back against his dick, he got the idea, and entered inside of me. I didn't care how he looks, I just wanted someone to fuck me raw. In the end, he cum inside me and left.

I left around 9 pm.      

A Barebackful Weekend 1

Dear Zach,

My dad was away for a short trip over the weekend. That left me with an empty house. I was on Grindr most of the time trying to get guys to come over. Friday night, I managed to hook up with this tall mixed indian malay guy. He was at the center of town when we exchanged messages in Grindr and was quick to agree to meet me.

He arrived in his bike 30 minutes later. I was greet by his tall lanky build, deep manly voice, nerdy look with large round spectacles on his nose bridge and acne face, and a sign of receding hairline. He was in his formal wear, so apparently he came after work. I showed him into my house, he put his things down, and started to unbutton his shirt, showing off a surprising hairy chest. I was instantly turned on by the view of his hairy body, I moved in and touch him and started licking his nipples.

He kissed me softly, then we were both devouring each other mouth hungrily. We moved backward to my room as we made out. We stripped naked and his 6.5 inches cut dick waving at me in commando. I sucked. I licked. I did everything dirty to it. He turned me over and ate my juicy ass. His tongue played with my orifice and lightly chewed and smooched my juicy ass cheeks in between.

He wanted to fuck bareback. I let him. I was in four, then he slid it in me with ease. He worked his way up to test if I could take it. He pounced me hard enough to let out my moans. He knew the right way to fuck a slut.

"You are such a whore." He said as he pouncing my ass.

"Yes, I am your whore."

"You have such a breedable ass. Oh god.." 

" breed me, daddy, I work my ass off for you." 

We tried a several sex positions, but doggy was our favorite. My asshole was so wet and sloppy as his dick sliding in and out of my orifice. Our sex lasted for quite a while. In the end, he cum twice in my ass.

After he cleaned himself, we cuddled in my bed for a while. We got to know each other a bit. A few surprising facts about him: he is just 23 year-old, but he looks so much older than his age should be. I thought he was older than me. And, this was his first ever bareback experience and it was euphoric for him. I asked why he was willing to lose his virgin bareback experience on me, he seemed shy to answer. I was and have always been someone's first time experience in sex I don't know why. 

As it was getting late and he lives quite far away from my place, we made out a bit before he got dressed and left. We exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.

The Bangladeshi Dick

Dear Zach,

Two Sundays ago, I went to Chakran as it was a long stretch of weekend holiday. As Monday and Tuesday were public holiday, I bet the crowd in Chakran would be favorable to me.

After I paid for the entry, I went to the locker room to change. There were already quite a number of guys getting dressed for leaving. But the crowd upstairs said otherwise. As usual, I was the outstanding one amongst the browns. I took a shower at the open shower area and went to the dry sauna.

As I entered, there were already 2 indian guys sitting there on the top bench. I sat close to one of them. Minutes later, I felt his hand caressing my thigh, then he slip through underneath of my tower to grab my cock. I did the same to him. He bend over to his left and started sucking my cock - warm and wet. He alternated himself between sucking my cock and chest. As the heat getting to him, he thanked me and left, here came another brown guy entered.

I could not make out how he looked like. But he was definitely shorter than me. He sat on my left. Our knees were touching each other. I slid my hand across to his dick, I was greeted with a perfect 7 incher. I bend over and sucked him like I was giving resuscitation. His dick was smooth and long. He pulled me up and kissed me hard while playing with my chest. He seemed to love my chest a lot. He kept sucking it non stop. Then, the door swung opened, a slightly muscular indian guy walked in and saw us in action. He sat next to my right. His hand started touching me inappropriately, I wanted him to touch me like that. He placed my hand on his 7 inches thick cock. I was so luck and happy because there were two 7 inchers right next to me. I bend over to him and started sucking him. I alternated myself between the 1st and 2nd guy. I was sandwiched in between them, my mouth was so wet from sucking, my body smell of their saliva as their tongue did their magic work all over me. As the play went on, another guy came in and sat next to the 2nd guy, the 3rd guy stood up and he was rock hard with his 6 incher. He brought himself in front of me, nudging me to devour it. 3 big dicks at once, I was in fucking heaven.

Soon, the 1st guy went out, leaving me and the 2nd and 3rd guy. As I kept sucking the 3rd, I could feel his build-up closing to its edge, without warning it came all over my mouth. Once he finished, he left. Only me and the 2nd guy in the room now. I told him I love his dick so much. This time, he stood up on the bench below, facing the door, as if on cue, I did what I should be doing - placing his thick 7 incher in my mouth, sliding my wet lips across his long shaft up and down, tasting every inch of him as I could. The door swung wide opened, another guy walked in and was surprised by our bold steamy action happening right in front of the door, at that point we both did not bother and continued. Eventually, he jerked off and cum in my mouth. I slurped every drop of his semen.

I thanked him and left to shower. The night was still young, and the crowd was packing. I sucked a few dicks in the dark steam bath room. As the heat was getting on me, I left to take a breather.

This guy came close to me, and lightly touched my bulge. But he was somewhat familiar, then I realized he was the 1st guy in the dry sauna. He looks decent up close. He has a slim body and a facial feature of pakistanis. He gave me a smile and hugged me, telling me he likes my body. The way he speaks had me confirmed that he is not a local indian. We went in to the dark steam room, I started sucking his 7 inches on my knee. Then, we pulled me up and told me "I want fucking...". I asked if he has a condom, he nodded yes. Then he went down and grabbed a condom, we moved our play to a private room.

As we were in there, we chug our towel aside, his 7 incher greeting me with anticipation, I kneel down and had him in my mouth. We made out, sucked each other chest, and I deepthroating his dick. I stood up and got ready for the grand price. I lubed myself with my own spit, as we both were sweating like mad already, my orifice was already wet and sloppy. Before he entered inside of me, I asked where he was from. To my surprise, he is from Bangladesh. As a Bangladeshi, he has the most perfect straight dick I have ever come across. He wore a condom, I turned around and bend over, arching my back, ass tilted up for him, he slapped my ass telling me how juicy my ass is, and entered inside me slowly from behind in standing, as he was fully inside of me, he slowly moved his hips against my ass.

He picked up his speed of pouncing. At this point, he was pouncing hard on me. I moaned so loud to his every hard pounce. He seems to know how to fuck very well. Every long stroke pulling out and in against the wall of my orifice had me wanting more of him. We were sweating like mad inside but we couldn't be bothered. He kept fucking me in standing, in missionary, and in doggy. He just kept doing what he did best. Our body yearned for each other. The slippery sensation of our body, in some way, intensified our desires, as if we were making hot and sweaty love in a semi-dark stuffy room. I've never had a Bangladeshi who fucked me so well and was able to last quite long. We were fucking close to 45 minutes. We couldn't take it any more as we were out of breath. I told him I wanted to drink his cum. He pulled the condom off, and started jerking it. I kneel down in front of him, tilted my head up, our eyes locked, telling him that I want him, I want all of him in my mouth. As he was pacing up his arm, I could feel his breathing quicken, I knew he was about to cum. Next thing I knew, he exploded all over my mouth, I sucked every drop of him off from his tip. He shuddered as my mouth licked his tip of his dick. We both gave out a light chuckles as to acknowledge how amazing our sex was. I wiped myself up and we went to shower together.

It was already 9 pm, there were nobody else around except both of us. We got to know each other a little bit. He is married with a few kids. His wife knows he fucks around with men and women. But his wife and kids are staying in his country. I told him some bit of myself but mostly fake info. We got dressed and I thanked and bid him goodbye.