Cruising in Dead Hill : Exploration

Dear Zach,

Ever since all the gay meeting apps have been banned in Malaysia, the only way for all the gay people to meet up (for sexual fun), apart from going to gay sauna, is through cruising in the public spaces such as toilet mall, recreational parks, and swimming pool shower room. We are like going back to olden days where cruising in public area is our primary source of seeking prospects.

I have been toying the idea in cruising but these days there are always news about 2 men getting caught having indecent, or immoral, action in public area. I am torn between "fuck it, let's do it" and "let's scale down and think about it".

I have been a member of a gay local forum for quite some time now. There are a lot of topics about cruising for gay people in our local areas, especially at the downtown in one of the few popular malls. Also, some of the notorious swimming pool where actions in the shower room are guaranteed. And then here comes the recreational parks.

I stumbled upon a member commenting about this abandoned recreational forest park in the mid downtown, where it is located probably 20 minutes away from my home. I did not know this place existed although I have passed by the roadway multiple times for the past few months.

I called it Dead Hill because it is abandoned and I strictly want to protect its identity for security reason. Dead Hill was once a popular recreational park, as the year went on, the maintenance of the park slowly disimproved, eventually, the park was abandoned and "opened" for gay people to cruise inside. Now that I have read the archives of the park in the forum, it has become a popular spot for gay cruise since 10 years ago.

Interesting to know that many people in forum commented that the place is great to cruise because it is too dark to see. I have been daunting to go check it out but I was too chickened out to go at night.

Yesterday morning, since I was on the way to visit the temple, I decided to drop by that place and check it out.

I arrived at the parking spot around 10.30 am. There were only few cars parking along the street toward the entrance of the park. I got down and walked through the entrance of the park, where the tall trees hovering over the concrete walkway, and a grimed-covered resting hut along side into the park. A few meters walk inside, I was greeted with a green water lake in the center of the park, the pedestrian walkway is surrounding the lakeside, and I saw a few guys strictly brisk walking around the lake for none other than recreational purpose.

Since I was here, I explored every inch of the park for better navigation at night next time. The park is clearly abandoned with the signs of desolation and overgrown natural beauty, featuring cracked concrete paths, thick vines curl crawling over the grimmed-covered resting huts. As I climbed up to the hill, where the most cruisers loitering around, there were ruined concretes that highlighting its nostalgic traces of its once glory moment. As I climbed up the stairs to the top of the hill, I can see an oversight of the train and highways next to it. Since it was morning, there was no people cruising around here.

Somehow, at the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a shirtless chinese man loitering at the resting hut, far end of the center of the overlook, I took my sweet time walked over. He was already stripped down to his skimpy thong. An obvious prospect waiting for hunt. I went over and grabbed his crotch, he grabbed mine. Within minutes, he was down on his knee sucking my dick. I cum in his mouth rather quickly because I was afraid of getting caught in plain sight, also he sucked my dick so good like he hasn't sucked one in years. I thanked him and continued my exploration down the hill. Then, I saw another shirtless skinny tanned tattooed guy looking at his phone at the corner of the ruined concrete, another obvious cruiser awaiting. The chance was ruined when a hetero malay couple passed us by. Since it was getting hot anyway, I left the place after 30 minutes exploring.

But I came back in the evening again.

To be cont.... ...

         

1st Death Anniversary

Dear Mum,

Today is your first death anniversary. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you. Everyday whenever I come back from long day of delivery work, your smiling portrait in frame on the cabinet that placed next to the entrance always warmly welcomes me back.

There are days I think of you sitting in the dining table, hunching your back trying to loop the thread in the needle on the sewing machine, only to call for my help to do it for you because of your bad eyesight. I can't afford to give away the sewing machine because it reminds me a lot of us - of how we both trying to make the best use of it.

You loved cleaning the surface of the cabinet, shelves, and table because that was your motherly duty. Cleaning every corner just so we live comfortably. We still try our best to keep our house clean and tidy, just so that we do not want to fail you for not taking care the home you loved.

I am doing fine. Have a job. Eat and sleep well.

I'll visit you at the temple this Sunday.

Miss you. Always.

Love,

Your Son 

Right Place, Right Time, and Right Person.

Dear Zach,

I was the sluttiest and fan-favorite bottom amongst the group of migrant workers. When one of them has fucked me, he would passed my contact (or me) around to his other peers and tell them there is a white smooth bottom for their sexual pleasure. Of course, I would never turn them down unless some of them were really illiterate I gave up texting. Some of them were nice; Some of them were just plain rude. Somehow most of these migrants workers I've fucked with were just one or two time things. Whenever I received a simple text "hi" from a random number by the surname of "Khan", I knew my contact has fallen on some random pakistanis man. 

As my contact number were passed along in the sea of them, it fell on this Pakistanis young guy. He did text me a few times, but I ignored it completely at that time because I was mentally exhausted dealing with them. Towards the end of 2024, he texted me again to try his luck I guess. So I decided to play along with him. He sent an expire photo of himself - he is good-looking. We decided to meet up at his place where he lives in a rented room of the most run-down apartment across the street which was only 5 minutes away from my home. 

Krim is very good-looking in person, slightly taller than me, lean average physique, and packing with 6.5 inches smooth dick. He is the perfect package for my sexually desired migrant worker. But he comes with a few restrictions: He doesn't do anything orally on me. He only wants me to do it on him, in which I am perfectly obliged to do so. His hard and firm and hint of sweat scented cock in my mouth drove me crazy. But when it came to the deed, he failed badly. He cum fairly quick. Not to mention that he was inexperienced in sex. In my mind, I have crossed him off my list.

Few days after our first sex, he texted me telling me he missed me and wanting to meet again. I was reluctant. But I was horny. So I met him again. This time, I guided him slowly. He followed my lead. Entering inside of me with slower and much controlled pace. The sex lasted slightly longer than the last time. He felt happy about it.

Since then, we met every week at lunch time when he was on his lunch break and returned home from work to have sex with me.

I queried him if he has ever fucked a man. He told me that he did with a guy before me. Met him from tiktok. A local chinese guy. From there leading to physical meet up and sex. It lasted a few months before he left the country for work, till he met me. I was his 2nd. 

In every session, he has gotten from being touch aversion to more intimate in caressing my body and, his personal favorite, my white smooth ass. Although he doesn't like to do thing with his mouth, I love giving him kisses on his chest, neck, and shoulder, whenever we hug each other upon meet up or after sex as a sign of affection. I guess he doesn't mind me doing that to him since he told me he really like me and me doing that to him.  

Somehow he has the habit of disappearing for a few months without text messages and come back as if nothing has happened. I was upset but I didn't query further. Every few months he disappears and comes back, he is surprised by my physique - from lean to bulk. Of course, my juicy ass is what he loves the most. He can't stop touching my ass and telling me "your ass is big I love it".

His act of disappearing is quite frequent to the point I got really upset and cut contact with him completely. Blocked him even for a few months. Only to have him unblocked later. He texted me again the beginning of this year. Consistently every week for meet up. But I ignored every text of his. This lasted for 4 months. His persistent efforts of not giving up on me is what got me caved in eventually.

When we finally met up, he was upset and asking why I ignored him. I didn't say a word but kneel down in front of him, pulled his pants down, and gulped his already rock-hard cock in my mouth. I was relief that he was still excited to see me as ever. The sex at that time somehow felt different from the previous encounters we've had. It felt intimate, loving, and yearning. He started to hold my hands as he was inside of me. His face inches apart from my shoulders. I can tell he was completely at ease at what he does.

His act of disappearing got my curiosity, I confronted him about it. He said that despite he works nearby where we stay, often he would be relocated to some remote place for work for a few months. This is why he went missing.

"I really like you. And I really miss you. I want to see you. Why would I block you?" He said.

Since then, I have no reason to give him the benefits of doubts. I believe what he said. I mean, if he doesn't like me, he would have given up on me long time ago.

I don't love him. But I do like Krim a lot. He is the only pakistanis guy who appreciates having good time and doesn't take me for granted.

He can host. We both stay very close to each other, and always available at the right timing. I love big cock and he loves my toned ass. Although the sex doesn't last long, at least a quickie sex before work is what we both needed in the times like this.

We have the right place, are at the right time, and are right person for each other.

What more could I ask for? 

Decision Made

Dear Zach,

In my previous post, I've mentioned about the notion of partaking Spanish course and listed out a series of doubts. I am very grateful that some of you are very encouraging for me to go for it if I am genuinely interested in it.

Having said that, I have also consulted Gemini (Google's version of chatgpt) and vented my concerns and doubts.

Here's what Gemini told me:

When you are feeling stuck, your instinct is to add something new to your resume to stand out. It's a proactive thought, but we need to look at how the Malaysian job market actually treats languages. If you are learning Spanish strictly to solve a financial strain and get a job in KL, the math does not add up.

In Kuala Lumpur, the high-paying language allowances are almost exclusively for corporate roles requiring Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese because our economic trade is deeply tied to Asia Pacific. While there are a few corporate Spanish roles in KL servicing the Latin American markets, they are rare, and companies often hire native expats or native-level speakers who lived abroad.

Takes 2+ years, costs RM 1,150+ upfront per level, and has almost zero market demand from employers in Kuala Lumpur.

You have to be completely fluent—usually at a B2 or C1 level on the CEFR scale.

• To get to that level from zero, it takes roughly 600 to 800 hours of intense study.

• If you do it via a 30-hour classroom term every few months, it will take you years to get to a employable level. You need a financial solution much faster than that.

Therefore, I have decided not to go for it. My initial thought of taking Spanish course was just to slightly brush up my resume and skill. Somehow an AI clarifies my doubts, knowing that Spanish class is just a luxury hobby if you have the disposable money.

  

To enroll or not to enroll

Dear Zach,

I have been self-learning Spanish over the past 2 years and, so far, I've managed to understand the context of the conversation in the netflix shows I watched. But I am nowhere near being fluent in speaking the language because I have no one to speak with. I've always wanted to further improve learning the language itself. 

Chatgpt suggested me to take up a structured Spanish language course offered by the Spain Embassy in Malaysia. I've looked it up and it has several intake on every 3 months. Two weeks ago, I've inquired with them about the details and was told that the next intake for absolute beginner will be on mid of next month. The beginner Spanish course is segregated into 3 levels - from 1.1 to 1.3. The price for each level is RM950 for 10 weeks, the session will be conducted in face2face for 3 hours on Saturday.

Few days ago, I got an update about the opening registration for the new intake. Unfortunately, the timing for the class is not in my favor. I asked if I could jump into 1.2 level instead as I told them I have been self-learning for a year and the timing for that particular level is right for me. They allow it as long as I still have the basics.

The dilemma: Do I really need it? Why do I need to spend such amount to learn the language when I can learn it myself with all the free resources on the internet? Will I get a good return if I invest in this course? Will I travel to Spain for work? Will I ever get a Spanish boyfriend? Will I ever travel to Spain? Is this language gonna open door for me? Is this language important for me?

Sex = Money

Dear Zach,

I came across a post on the gay forum where this user posted about having sex is expensive.

Gay apps now cost money,

 

OnlyFans cost money, 

 

PrEP, PEP, monekeypox and other vaccines cost money,

 

paid fun cost money, 

 

find a room cost money, 

 

go gay sauna cost money, 

 

travel cost money, 

 

every fucking shit cost money,

 

sex = money 

 

money = sex 

 

What he vented about is an absolute truth. Having sex is no longer a free thing anymore unlike back in the days when guys could just lay back and stick their dick into any kind of hole for pleasure. The only concern for the heteros was getting their female partner knocked up. Other than that, having sex is practically stress free and easy.

Fast forward today, having sex is equivalent to spending money. Buying condoms of different sizes and brand, type of lubricants used for smooth penetration, figuring out the places to host for sex, etc. All added up it become a cost to bare. Not to mention if you are a frequent raw sex player, taking PreP is mandatory in this case, and frequent STD testing that cost over RM300, just to make sure you are clean to proceed to having sex at your own mean.

Since when having sex has become a financial burden for everyone? It is no wonder why most of the lower class gay guys are succumbed to STD and HIV fairly easy when they don't have the financial mean to purchase the basic necessary protections for themselves.

There are many times I want to have sex, but the only place I could have sex is going to gay sauna. It means I have to pay RM30 for entry, and consume a few pills of PreP that cost RM10 to get protection for myself. If I were to go every weekend, it would sum up RM120 per month! 

Who to blame? Is having sex becoming a luxury or is it not a basic psychological need anymore?

.

.  

Oh by the way, grindr and other gay hook ups apps are officially removed from google play store.  

  

Open Shower Play

Dear Zach,

Last evening, I went to Chakran after a month of not having sex. I was extremely horny I literally jerked off every night in the shower before sleep. I wanted to get my monthly massage session fixed but my wallet is running tight. So I decided to go to Chakran instead.

I arrived at 7pm - not much of a crowd. It made sense because it was on the weekday. Ten minutes in the dry sauna, I was already making out and sucking cock of one indian guy. I proceed to the steambath room and let some hungry suckers savoring my cock. But the most happening times for me were at the open shower area, where I got to quick swallow a big-dick indian, and got raw fucked by this tall bald indian daddy top.

I walked out of the steambath room naked as I passed by this mature daddy. Then, he followed me to the open shower as I tried to cool myself down with the chilling water cascading from the shower. He stood next to my shower, gently placed his hand on my erogenous zones and reached over my left to grab the publicly shared shower gel. I playfully grab his thick cock as he reached over. He squirted a few drops of the shower gel, lathering on his stocky body as he got closer to my back, and slid his hands across my back to my chest, lathering his soapy hands from my chest to my orifice. Before I knew it, he was poking his dick against my orifice, knowing what was coming next. He was trying to find a hidden lube at the top of the rusty pipe, but the lube is not slippery enough to penetrate me, so I used a bit of the shower gel instead to lube his dick up, and he slid inside me smoothly.

There were a few indian guys walked in on us were surprised by the sight of us fucking openly. But it was dark but they could make out the silhouettes of one big indian guy humping a pale chinese bottom at the corner of the shower room. Some of them stood aimlessly under the shower just to watch us. He finished outside of my ass. He thanked me and took a shower and left. 

I continued cruising around in the steambath room to have a great foreplay before I left at 9pm. 

Surrender Value

Dear Zach,

Few days ago, I happened to have delivered a few orders in the area where the insurance company at, I dropped by at the place and requested an update of my surrender value of my life insurance policy in which my dad had bought for me since I turned 21.

As expected, the value is half of what I was insured. I haven't been paying for this policy because the interest has paid off itself. In other word, I have a sum of money sitting there collecting dust. I have been toying the idea about withdrawal, since I have no one else, other than my dad, to leave something behind with if I die. The sum of the money I have isn't a large one, rather it is an amount that I could live comfortably without working for at least 2.5 years. Since I am working with minimum wages, my savings are now safe without depleting. But there were some times I would still have to use my savings for some random purchases.

Since my day time delivery work is now stable, I am thinking to work at night for a few hours in some garments shop at the mall. At least the few hours of work could supplement my total income.

I hope there is easy way out to get some serious cash. I would have loved to continue making my own porns but I would have been in jail by now. 

    

Ex fuck buddy Vet

Dear Zach,

His oddly familiar face plastered on the death memorial template in some random Veterinary clinic, which popped up in my newsfeed in Fb as I was scrolling down aimlessly. I was about to scroll down away until I saw his name spread across in the right center of the alignment in bold italic form. Then, I saw he was addressed in his shortened form of nickname, only then I remembered about him.

I was a bit shocked to learn about his passing. If I remember correctly, we met through Instagram years back when I was in my early 20s. He was a lean and good-looking malay guy in his mid-20s who worked as Vet. We corresponded on IG chat for quite sometime before we decided to finally meet up for sex. He came straight after work at night. He wasn't particularly tall. But he was a handsome guy with subtle moustache.

I sneaked him into my room at night after my parents asleep. He was such a great kisser. And, ultimately, an excellent ass rimmer. The sex was definitely top-tier. He knew what he was doing and did it very well.

Our sex always ended up in euphoria. I rarely cum for a top but he was one of the exception where both of us cum together. Since then, we became regular for sex. Every 3 weeks, we would meet up for sex at night at my place. The sex had always been great.

As usual, the sex has become less frequent as the months went on. To the point where we both stopped contacting each other and moved on.

Until today, in the mid afternoon, I stumbled upon his memorial post on FB randomly. He had a bright future as Vet. But he died fairly young. I wasn't sure how FB algorithm decided to show me this post. Literally, life is short. 

     

Fat Masseur Gives The Best Blowjob

Dear Zach,

I found this fat masseur in google last year. I didn't know he was fat, probably late 50 year old, until I met him in real person for massage service. His pricing is very cheap. RM60 for 1 hour massage is a bargain. And his private center is just 10 minutes away from my house. When I arrived, the shop was located upstairs with a signage about will writing consultation and service. Interesting. I was led to a corner of the premise where the room is sequestered for massage session - a massage bed, a table with stacked towels and a few bottle of oils.

The first session was great. He was very cautious to massage any part of my erogenous zones. The 2nd time I engaged with him again and told him that he didn't need to by shy and can massage those parts because I feel good about it being massaged. My purpose was to test if he was interested in giving me some extra service. The session turned out as I expected. He massage those parts, as I turned and laid on my back, he slyly slipped his hands across my balls and tips of my hardon. Then, he asked if I wanted to try a dick massage, which I don't usually do because it is just an assisted jerking off. I turned him down, but he proceed by grabbing my dick, stroke up and down as he closed his eyes, feeling my pulsating dick. And then he proceed to slide his hand across my chest and nipple playfully.

The 3rd session was when he started to giving me the great blowjob. My body was slick with oil as he deep dived sucking my dick hungrily. But, not sure if he was so good in giving me head or the massage improves the blood circulation of everywhere, I came fairly quick.

As the sessions went on, he seemed to be anticipating toward the end of the session. We started making out. Him eagerly sucking my oil slicking cock, until I cum in his mouth. He said I was the first customer he has ever given a blowjob to. "you are such a naughty naughty boy..." He smirked. Somehow his massage quality starting to drop as the extra service ensued. Therefore, I would only find him if I really needed to release. Or else I wouldn't go to him anymore.

In fact, I asked him if he fancies giving me blowjob sometime. He said yes. "You are the only guy I've given blowjob to but not others. Reason being I like you gentle kiss and make me feel good. So why not?". He gives the best blowjob so far. So why not engage him for a good time? 

You see, I seem to always be somebody else's first time. In fact, I have taken away a few virgins in my hand. 

 

Trip Cut Short

Dear Zach,

I've managed to have the house for myself for a few days after my dad left for Singapore. I invited my regular Pakistanis top over to my house after I came back from Chakran sauna having great time sucking a few dicks and getting fucked raw inside the dark steam room. The sex with the Pakis top was good as usual. This time, we have tried several sex positions since we got to have sex on the real bed instead of his floor carpet used as a substitute for the mattress he sleeps on.

Few days later, my brother dropped in from Singapore and stay home for work for a week. Today I've got to know that my dad had been feeling ill since Thursday due to food poisoning. Therefore, he won't be joining the crew for the europe trip and will be coming back home tomorrow. It has been a few weeks of bad omen. 2 weeks prior to his trip, he's had persistent cough. The following week, he's had a persistent diarrhea after taken a sachet of fiber powder. Now, 3 days before the flight to the actual trip, he was down with food poisoning, vomiting and diarrhea. I am starting to think that he is being anxious about this trip since he was gonna be away home for a month. I knew how anxiety attack looks like when you have one - always nauseous. Or, could be my mum in heaven telling him that this trip is a bad omen.

I am actually relief that my dad decided not to go on this trip with my uncles. In fact, I have been quite worrying about him. I am sure that my dad is in utter disappointment since he has spent quite a few thousands buying new clothes, shoes, and luggage bag just for this trip. Also the cost of the trip has also been forfeited. He may be at huge loss of money, at least he is willing to forgo the idea of forcing himself going on this trip in his current state of condition. He was very looking forward to this trip, somehow God has new plan for him. If it is meant to be, it will be. 

Not Keen If It Isn't Raw

Dear Zach,

I tried to be courteous to Ben by texting him that I can host for a month, if he's keen to meet up again, let me know. He replied 3 minutes later with "sure" nonchalantly.

12 hours later, he asked if I am into raw with him. I told me no.

"I am not sure if you are raw fucking others." I replied. 

What he replied next was "okay, thanks. I am not keen." Just like that, he did not even rebut saying he didn't fuck others raw but with condom. He pretty much gaslighted me. In this case, I am pretty sure he has been fucking raw with others since he didn't deny it.

Thanks for being honest. I guess raw sexing with him was a mistake to begin with. I am pretty sure he has gotten used to raw sex now. I can't risk without knowing actual his sexual health status. He has always been very shady about his personal sex history. He claims that he has been taking prep. But I never believed him. 

During the time we were raw fucking, after sex, I felt very guilty and afraid with what-ifs. What if he lies about his busy schedule but fucking around with others raw? Not that I am jealous, but he is not the person who would proactively take sexual health precaution when comes to sex. All these while we were having sex, I pray that he was clean. Every 3 months I took the test and came out clean, I would inform him about my results. Whereas he wouldn't do such thing. If I were to ask him to do a testing, he would throw a fit at me. 

I could have taken PreP for him. Somehow, his frequent cancelling on our meetup has occurred to me that taking PreP is just a waste of money and effort.

Therefore, I am not gonna hold on to him now. His final text meant that he is no longer interested in me. I am okay. I removed his contact and blocked him forever.

We had a great times, but great times always come to the end.

  

Home To Myself

Dear Zach,

My dad will be going to Europe trip for 3 weeks, but, prior to this trip, he will drop by Singapore to visit my brother and his family, mainly just to visit the grandkids.

Since I have the whole house for myself, it is ideal for me to host for sex. I could have pre-invited Ben - my no.1 top - so that he could make some time in advance just to meet at my place for sex. But our last text exchange was 30th of March, which was 2 months ago when I tried inviting him over to my place as my dad was on a short trip to Melaka, he said he would be in other state that time. How convenient. I gave him time to text me again to see if he was still keen on meeting me over the next two months. Two months passed, apparently he wasn't. I am not surprised - our sex arrangement have since been changed such as our timing for meetup were never be able to be compromised, our last sex was fully protected as opposed to bareback sex in which he prefers, and he has a girlfriend now. I wanted to shoot him a text but I have the strong premonition that he would give an excuse to turn down the meetup. He is always unavailable whenever I tried texting him first. 

There is this another top who has been texting me for meetup over the past few months. Our sex used to be great. But it becomes a bore eventually. And his dick isn't my ideal type.

Or I could invite this Pakistanis top I have been meeting quite frequently these days. We have been meeting at noon lunch time that suits his time. We always have sex at his place before we go to work in our separate ways. Not sure if he is available to meet at night. I can try.

With grindr being out of option, I have no one else to booty call. This feels like back to my early 20s where I relied on craigslist or planetromeo web to search for random hookup.

I could go to Chakran sauna. Probably I would. 

    

Toxic Drivers

Dear Zach,

I have joined a delivery driver group community in FB and I have read a lot of experiences and encounters of others on how they overcome and diffuse the situation when shits hit the fan. Also, some interesting event unfold during the delivery process being shared so that other drivers can take notice. But, mainly, the group is just a bunch of whiny, angry, and low EQ drivers spreading their toxic negativity faith to others because of the low fare for drivers, complaints from customers, and undeniably injustice from the customer service to the drivers.

These kind of posts I would try my best to avoid reading it. Somehow, I can't stop myself but to read and understand the frustration and despair on what they are going through. The comments from other drivers don't really help much but to add more oil to the blazing fire itself, trying to justify their wrong to right just because they are unhappy with everything and everyone but themselves.

The more I read, the more I am influenced by them in terms of thought, mindset, and action. Like I am constantly angry - angry about over nothing. Like I always assume things happened to these drivers would someday happen to me. Like I always needed to raise up my shield against them when it happened. Despite I work 3 hours a day in the afternoon, my mind is fried from thinking all the possible forms of spiteful events if I deliver the goods late to the customers. 

Ever since I started to combine a few orders in one way delivery, the expected time to delivery has become slightly longer than usual. What was used to be 5 stars service now has drop to 4.97. I am no longer getting any review for my service. All that has ceased since I learnt how to combine orders and send in one shot. 

What can I do? The fare is bad and low, the only way to recoup is to grab a few orders combined and make the best out of it. Somehow this method has allowed me to go home much earlier, in which I have nothing to complain about.

I am not sure if the influence has anything to do with my frequent lash out at my dad or my dad has been very petulant with himself. His hearing is getting worst therefore I would raise my voice at him and lashing out my excess frustration simultaneously.    

This has been said for the umpteenth times - social media is extremely bad influence. I think it is time to avoid that group for a while now. 

33

Dear Zach,

I wrote a short blog about my 23 y.o birthday 10 years ago. Somehow this post popped up at my popular post section at the sidebar and it was hard to miss. Thought of writing a post about my 33 y.o birthday.

It was unbelievable that I have lived for 10 years since. A lot could and had happened within the past 10 years. A lot of significant events happened in my life that literally changed the entire course of my life upside down - the good and bad way. But I regret nothing to everything I did and I would probably still do it if I were to given a second chance rewind.

I never celebrated my birthday every year. I always treated it as a normal day of life. This year was no different than others - apart from the fact that my mum was no longer here with me and my dad for a simple dinner on the day before my birthday.

Not sure which year it started, on every birthday, I would always cry in my car on the way back home from gym. The year before last, I cried because I was at lost in my career prospect, feeling pretty useless; Last year, I cried because knowing my mum was gonna died; This year, I didn't cry - I had cried enough. But I was just sad and lonely because I am still at lost in my career prospect. Now I come to think of it, how did I actually make it so far since back then when I was already jobless and clueless at my life goal? When there is a will, God gives you a way.

I spend my birthday this year at home, sleeping through day and night because I was strangely tired. Woke up in the morning, doing chores, and cooking my weekly dessert soup for the serving of two, me and my dad. I wanted to have a birthday sex. But I ended up staying in, jerking off in the shower at night, and hit the sack at 11pm.

Gay Hitchhiker

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Bimarried man finally gave in to my blowjob request

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Spending on dumb shit

Dear Zach,

I am neither a big spender nor spending on unnecessary thing that absolutely bring no benefits to me. I have always been living in frugal, except when comes to my fitness and health aspect, I am willing to spend more on that. It is part of an essential aspect of life to live better for years to come. I wouldn't like spending on garments or shoes or anything. If I were to come to the state where I needed to spend on these things, I would choose the most affordable or the cheapest one as long as it does it job well.

I don't know what comes over me last few days. I feel like a switch inside of me flipped. I decide to start a collection of "Trading Card Game" of a specific genre - think about Pokemon Cards but it is not pokemon card but something else similar. I want to own a collection I love about. Rather than buying its toys in which it holds no value in future, I've bought their card collection instead. I go to Shopee and start browsing for affordable price packs to check out.

Two days later, they arrived to me in small boxes of plentiful packs of cards inside. I am so stoked because I just am. I start cutting off the top of every packs and shuffle the cards, trying to pull the rare cards out of dozens. I don't want to think so much about it. I just want to enjoy the moment being a child again. I've gotten a good amount of pulls in getting rare cards. I love everything about it. I carefully slide them one by one into the card album in neat and perfect order. After I am done, I move away and take a good look of the collection I got so far. I love it!

This is the best RM800 splurge I've spent! Not even a seep of regret come to my mind.

In the end, I just want to start something that I enjoy. 

Probably I am just lonely. but whatever.      

A jinx or a curse

Dear Zach,

Seven years ago, when I bought my first car, I was working as freelancer. My income wasn't stabilized at that time. Since it was a brand new car, I decided to work as e-hailing driver to supplement my income since the registration at that time was smooth sailing without much requirements - all you need is a valid driver license, identity card, and car grant. I set up the driver's account within a day. The next day, I started driving and picking up passengers. Fast forward one month later, the government decided to introduce a new policy whereby all the drivers must comply to mandatory car-inspection, obtaining e-hailing driver's license, and purchasing an add-on insurance for e-hailing. I was pretty upset at the news because I just started out and here came a bunch of burdening regulation we would have to comply. The regulation was enforced 2 month later after the news announced. I have already quit by then.

Now, I have started working as a delivery driver 2 months ago. Again, all was well, I was pretty contented, until the war broke out, oil price surged, which in turn rendering all the price of petrol in the world shot up double amount as before. Although the government has subsidized almost 50% of the price with a fixated amount of 300L per month for each of us 2 months ago, this month they decided to make a u-turn and reduced the amount to 200L per month because they can. As a delivery driver myself, even though I work only for a few hours, 200L per month is literally not enough.

My car feeds on 20L of petrol per pump at the price of RM40 (unsubsidized price for now = RM80). I would need 10 pumps to fulfil the quota. Therefore, I need to carefully plan for my trips for delivery so that I can make it last for at least 3 days before next pump. I am not so much worried about my earning now, I am more concerned about the gas price directly inflicting my earning.

You see, whenever I start to feel comfortable working on something, an unpleasant event would come along right after, as if it is waiting for me and snatch away my happiness. Am I jinx or what? 

     

Greeting in Undie

Dear Zach,

This afternoon, I've accepted a job to deliver a few boxes of alcohol to a rich neighborhood in Bangsar (a.k.a the beverly hills) where I have to drive into small tiny road and hills and turning sharp cornering. It is nice to explore some part of neighborhood in KL I've never gotten the chance to do so.

After 30 minutes, I've arrived an area where it shaped like a cul-de-sac - all these fancy big houses at the middle, small modern houses at the side along the round shape. I circled to the back and reached at the customer's drop off point. I was told at the pick-up point that the customer is an expat - not suprising because this place is where most of the expat would live in.

When I arrived at his gate, the expat greeted me in his boxer. Literally a very short boxer. Fortunately, he was wearing a shirt but that itself didn't do much of covering, partly due to his tallness in which it makes him look like he was wearing a brief. I have to admit he has a great ass. As he came closer to help me out to unload,  I took a quick look of his feature - he was bald with nose and ear piercing, a small moustache above his lips, he looked a mix of arab and white. And he was definitely gay. Who in the hell would someone greet a delivery rider in a boxer? I am not sure how these expat live and greet people, but this surely isn't the way our local greet a stranger. lol.

After finished unloading, I quickly left for another job before the traffic started building up.

Cont. Dying Friendship

Dear Zach,

A continuation of the "dying friendship" post I wrote last month. After 2 weeks, he decided to text me again - asking if I want to come over to his place (for sex). 

I did not reply him yet because I was in the hurry to get ready for work. 

I guess he is out of bottom to choose or he has fucked every bottom he could in his area, therefore I am his last option to booty call.

What do you think I should reply with? Because I am planning to say "no" to going down to his place due to traffic reason. 

Drought

Dear Zach,

As a person who has been sexually active in hook up apps and gay sauna, in which both of them have been now regulated in my country, I have been a very docile in my current situation. I did have sex this month with a pakistanis top who, occasionally, dropped by my area for a night before he departed to Penang for work. It was a hard pounding which I always prefer. And that was the best pounding I received for the month. I did download back grindr to assess how bad the guys selection - it was as terrible as it was before I deleted it 3 months ago. Small radius of men showing, probably less than 20 boxes of profile on my search feeds if I toggle the "online only" option, and plenty of malays in which I don't want to do anything with them.

I was debating to go to gay sauna again. Otot2 is completely closed for good since the directors of the business were charged in court. And there is a new gay sauna in town popping up and the price is ridiculously high. My favorite sauna Chakran is still opened for business as I passed by when I was doing delivery at the area. I am glad because I really do miss going there sucking big black indian cocks.

However, with the surging of oil and gas price, I can't afford to drive to anywhere else except saving the petrol for delivery works only. The price of the petrol for my car is insane. Even my daily wage from the delivery work could barely cover. I think it is time to reassess my monthly expenditure and start cutting cost for unnecessary spending like massages.

The heatwave in my country is at warning level now. Every where is so dry and hot, same like my sex life in drought.      

Gaining Popularity in Asian/White Profile

Dear Zach,

Back in the days when I was still doing OF and sex for living, my twitter feeds used to be filled with homemade gay porn. As I was scrolling down, I came across this post where this effeminate petite chinese bottom posing on four in front of the camera with his back arching, accentuated his clean shaven round ass as the focal point. I clicked into his profile and browsed through his posts. Most of his videos or photos were taken without showing his face. But his signature bob hair with slender body was what I can concluded that he was a certified pure bottom with a great ass-set. He is a local guy staying at what seemed to be a fancy condominium or hotel as from what I observed from his videos.

As I was scrolling down more deeper of his older posts, I came across one of his post where a big white cock sprawled on top of his round ass. A few more of this kind of photos or videos uncovered from the loading feeds - some were teaser of a few seconds clip. I curiously clicked into this white guy profile tagged in his posts. Soon enough, I found out this white top is the partner of the local chinese bottom. Or partner in crime at least. Every post he showed off his big 7 inches white cock, some were waving it at the bottom's ass like a prelude to the heavy action, and some videos were taken from the top view where the bottom sucking his dick. Every posts of his received great response with high counts of likes and retweets in contrast to his bottom partner. Every one seemed to favor this white guy dominating the bottom - a very typical asian/white gay porn scene. Needless to say, their OF are fairly popular amongst the local.

I was jealous; Jealous not because I wasn't able to hook up with a white guy; I was jealous because they worked their way up in breeze because of their racial profile and people love them. You see, that's the white guy's effect to the asian people. When a white guy enter the local scene, everyone is jumping on him because he is either rich or with big dick or both.

There was another local chinese gym fit guy who was fairly popular on IG. Not until he hooked up with a skinny white guy, his twitter became very popular for the next few weeks. He didn't post much on twitter, but when he did he post some part of his sex clips with his white boyfriend, a teaser to his onlyfans. As expected, his posts received so much tractions, same went to his IG where he showed off his newfound relationship with his white boyfriend, travelling around the globe and shit.

You see, all we need, as local gay guy, a white guy then we are set for life.

 

Is stripper broke from the start?

Dear Zach,

I have always been wondering how these strippers in the club can get jacked and leaned when their financial strains limiting their access to nutritional foods. Not many man would opt for being stripper as their full time job if they haven't been in a dead end of life - as what I always watch in tv shows where these men are broke and homeless, in which they then turn to working as stripper to fulfill end meets.

Realistically, no broke man ever is jacked with muscles. What we learnt from tv show is a far cry from the reality itself. A broke man has already limiting access to basic food, let alone hitting the gym and getting adequate amount of protein to maintain the size of muscles. In reality, those men who works as strippers are already in great shape prior to performing in the club - some are gifted with good look. Which means these men are financially independent but their income is somewhat instable. Hence, they make use of their assets to make money. Just like how Onlyfans works.

I am watching Beauty in Black in Netflix, and those strippers in it are in financial debts and forced to work in the black-owned strip club. But their body are leaned and toned and amazing. This itself has confused me. If you are in debts and have no money, how are you gonna get money to buy food and get in shape?

To be in shape, in my own opinion, is never cheap. It is a somewhat expensive lifestyle one has to make sacrifices to be in it.

On the other note, I love watching these black guys in BIB. It enforces my strong interest in black-skinned man and no doubt my lust and love toward them is all the more fonder. In Malaysia, you could hardly find black negro walking around unless you go to a specific area of the town where these immigrant usually stay. I still remember there were a few occasions in the past years having sex with some black guys from Africa and I was in awe of their BIG BLACK COCK.

Dying Friendship

Dear Zach,

Nothing is more infuriating than receiving a text message from Sham but leaving you hanging just like that. The last time we exchanged text was last December. And he was quite monotonous to every text I wrote. After that, we didn't keep in touch. Although he has temporarily transferred his medical practice to KL for 6 months since last November, we have not met up for any occasion yet. Neither both of us initiate for a meet up. Since he lives in the town center, where the traffic is congested and parking spot is limited, he knew me damn well I wouldn't travel all the way to downtown for a "meet up". 

Our last sex was quite awkward for both of us. Therefore, I am not surprised he didn't even bother to initiate a meet up while he is in downtown. I guess that was the last straw of trying to win me over. Or, at least, we could catch up with each other lives without having sex.

Fast forward to this morning, I got a text from him. But I didn't reply instantly but waited til later. I was being courteous to him. I did not tell him anything about my current event. If he is interested and intends to keep the conversation flowing, he would have asked more. But he did not. He put a full stop there with a "yep". I did not try to query further because I don't want to be the one who asks all about him.

So he left it there. That's that. It is tell-tale sign that this friendship is dying. Nevertheless, I couldn't be bothered much now. After all, I am perfectly capable being myself without friend. 

 

The White Supremacy

Dear Zach,

Recently, I realized I am no longer into many aspects of life that I find it quite worrying as, you know, life may have changed you. 

I am no longer finding men from the west side of the globe attractive - white, tall, killer-edge jawline, lean muscly toned physique that the quality is a great fit for pornstar. Whenever they come to the Asian country, I find that they are always being repugnant and conceited and disrespectful, thinking they are superiorly white with big cock and gifted body, and their strong currency exchange against ours, making them feel like they are the elite people in the third world country. Somehow, these white guys love coming to Asia making social media contents and the locals favor them so much just because they are white. Trying finding an indian native making contents, I can guarantee nobody would bat an eyelid.

I used to really look up to them. I was lucky enough to have sex one time with an American when I was doing sex for living years back. Fast forward now, with all these social media exposure on how the white people from the west be making good use of their good look and hot body to pull some stupid stunts for views and likes, dancing in their skimpy thong in front of the camera desperate for attention, thinking that they are entitled to behave like a total idiot in front of the camera in the name of content creation, and hoping to get famous overnight, it makes me wonder why people love watching them "grow". 

I may sound biased. But, most of the reels contents saturated in my FB feeds itself have already proven so much for the facts I have mentioned above. Everyone is so desperate to be famous and earning easy money by working in the least amount of efforts. The more I come across it, the more I starting to hate it. I try to hide these contents but to no avail. It seems like FB love borderline sexual contents from the west.

It is not like I am hating on these white guys. It is just that they are leaving so much bad impression on the social media it starting to make me doubt if they are from the "best" country in the world.

   

What's Next

Dear Zach,

I am starting to like my side gig as delivery man. Everyday I look forward to the trips I go whether it is a long or short distance journey. Although the fare is relatively low this month as the muslims are on fasting period during Ramadhan month, so the number of cars are relatively lesser compared to the previous months, which in turn leading the fare slightly lower than it is supposed to be.

I earn just enough to cover my daily expenses. Nothing much I could really spend on unless I have to use my bank saving. I am looking to get another side gig at night to supplement my day income - at least I could have some saving and breather to spend my money on. So far, there is not much of idea coming to me when comes to working at night. ChatGPT suggests me to do graphic designs and sell it on etsy. That is too competitive and I would need to have a large followers on social media, in which I have already quit. Most of the suggestions are just not in my favors and the market is too saturated. Every one wants to work online earning passive income but none of them really making any money out of it.

I am thinking I shall go back to sex for pay. Firstly, I would have to sculpt my body lean and toned before I decide to do it. I give myself a deadline til end of May - roughly 12 weeks to go - to reach my goal. I am starting to see some lining of my abs but hardly visible. I have been working on my diet regime and workout plan with ChatGPT and it has given me solid advices. I have been following its plan and it did work! I have the confidence I could achieve my hotshot sex body by end of May. Til then, I shall work on what I am doing now.

Reunited with my no.1 top

Dear Zach,

My head was laying on his right chest, listening to his heartbeat, my left hand reached over playing with his right nipple, while he was jerking off with one hand, and watching porn on X with the other.

The sex was as great as I could remember. It has been 10 months since we met up for sex. Just when I thought we were not gonna meet again, he texted me last week out of the blue. I have been awaiting for his text since I unblocked him last December. He told me he missed my ass so much and wanting to meet. In the end, we met up tonight at the usual motel we always go to.

We hugged for the longest time on bed before I proceed sucking his thick black cock that I've truly missed so much. After a few minutes of foreplay, I reached over the table and fished out a condom and put it on him. He didn't go against it. In fact, I did tell him last week that if we were to meet, we would have to play with protection. He was fine with it.

I turned around and started off with our favorite doggy style. He slid his thick black cock into me slowly, making sure I wasn't in pain, and he pulled out, and put it in again, just to ensure my canal was fully diluted for what was about to come next. He picked up his pace and started pounding me as hard as I've always love. My face was buried deep in the pillow as he pounded away. All the familiar senses flooded back to me. The way he grabbed my ass; the way he slammed his hips against my ass; the way I wanted it only he knows how, pushing in deep in to my slick, silky butt hole. The whole ass cheek slapping sound was all over the room. We changed a several position in his favors. No matter how he fucked me, my dick was always hard. In other word, he is the only guy who could make me raging hardon while he fucking me.

As he was doggy fucking me, he pulled off the condom and tried to enter me. As much as I wanted him raw inside me, I resisted and told me no. We used another condom and continued the fuck. He was panting as he pounded me hard from my back, I knew he was about to cum. I was waiting for his climax shot, but to no avail. He kept on pounding on, but still nothing. In the end, we took a breather and laid on the bed. "It's gonna take some time for me to cum ... you know... with condom ..." He said. I knew what his implication was. He can only cum when fucking bareback. I remained unfazed and laid by his side.

As he was jerking off furiously while watching those porn clips on X, he cum without warning. I sat up and went to the bathroom to clean up. We exchanged a few words about our lives. He has a girlfriend now. But still hasn't fucked her yet.

It was great to meet him again. Somehow, with all the familiarities we both share in sex, I felt like we have drifted apart in certain ways. As much as I wanted to have bareback sex with him like we used to, I still don't trust him that much.  

Shutting Them Down

Dear Zach,

The government is seemingly making a move to shut every gay social apps in the country. The first step they did is to block access to Grindr and Blued on website - the news just came in today. This is my first time knowing that Grindr can be login via website. But who accesses Grindr through website anyway? They are also taking proactive measure in examining legal options to curb their mobile applications.

It comes as no surprise they decide to ban these apps after the epic raiding of gay sauna in the last November. It is the last straw for them to cut off all the relating LGBT stuffs in tangible sense. There are a few unpopular gay sauna still operating - I just went to one of them last week in daytime. It is just matter of time they will be closed or another raid to force it shut.

I also can foresee that, in years to come, the LGBTQ community would find it hard to seek same-sex sexual partners without the existence of gay dating apps. As a gay man who has been an avid user of grindr for years, I would be damned if they ban it. Going to pubs or club is not my thing nor any place with large crowd. Cruising in public toilet would be damn risky to do so, despite I love the thrill of it. 

What are the options available for a gay man to meet other man in same mind alike?

Reunited With The Regular Pakis Top

Dear Zach,

It has been almost 2 years since I've met this regular pakistanis top. He used to holler me over to his room every other week to fuck me and sometimes he would invite a few friends of his taking turn to fuck me after one has done. After some time, he has left for new work opportunity in Penang. He would come back to my area occasionally to visit his mates and asked me over. And that was almost 2 years ago.

Last Sunday, I downloaded Grindr just to look around. Within seconds, the closest profile messaged me with raw unedited long dick picture. Then, he showed me his picture and asked if I still remember him. Of course I do remember him - he's the only pakistanis who sucks dick, kisses, and does rimming. By far, he is my favorite top. He told me he bought a new phone after he lost his previous one and all contacts were gone. Hence, he couldn't contact me and tried hard finding me in Grindr. That day was his lucky day I guess. 

I met him at my place that night. He is still lean and slim. His hair is still slick and luscious as usual. But he got so tanned and his skin shows the sign of working tirelessly under the hot sun. We stripped naked, his 7 incher already hard, and we got closed and moved our heads closer. We embraced and hugged for the longest time ever. As if we were a long time friend who went missing for years. My lips engulfed his lips, tasting his smell of cigarette, and lust. His body is lean with strong abs though it is not visible. But I can feel it under my palm as I slid my hand across his stomach down to his 7 incher, and bend down and had him in my mouth. I sucked him so good because I haven't been able to suck dick for weeks and this was the biggest dick I've sucked since the beginning of the year, and I also missed him too.

I grabbed the condom and put it on him. I sat on him to expand my butt canal fully and deeply before he fucked me hard and deep as he always like. We switched to doggy style - our favorite. His both hands grabbed on my hips, his hips undulated as his dick sliding me in and out as I love. He picked up his pace and slamming me hard. He gave it all out as if it would be the last time we met. Meanwhile, I was face deep in my pillow, muffling my moan, letting all of his pounding yearning his favorite hole. As he started to pant, it was his sign of cumming, he embraced me hard from behind as he let out his orgasm.

After we were done, I drove him back and bid goodbye. We promised that we will meet again.

The length of my dick: For now

Dear Zach,

I am very surprised to have found out today that my dick is at 5.5 inches hard. Why am I surprised ? It is because, a decade ago, I measured my dick and it was at 6 inches at most. Now, as I age, it has become half an inch shorter.

Recently, during the usual jerk off session in the shower, I started to notice that my dick has become slightly shorter than usual. Just now before taking the shower, I made myself hard and measured it.

Now with the measurement I have, here I thought that jerking off everyday could make your dick longer or something. Turned out it wasn't. Unlike the muscles I train in the gym everyday, it won't grow because I beat it everyday. 

All the while I always thought I have the standard asian size of dick and was complimented by a few tops for having the potential of being a top. Even the bottoms I met in the sauna love sucking it.

I am truly horrified by the latest revelation that a part of myself shrink. Although I am not disappointed by it as I am a pure bottom myself and my ass, most of the time, is fully utilized during fornication, it does bruise my ego a bit knowing the truth.

Could it be that the bigger the dick I want from a top, the more it shrink?

Life as we know it

Dear Zach,

This year CNY is never the same with the absence of my mum. Every new year, she would be in the mood of spring-cleaning every corner of the entire house, decorating the wall with a bit of red decors with the bare minimum efforts to live up the festive mood. Her loud absence in the house has made a very drastic mood shift in us. My dad and I did not do much for the festive season - only a few cleanings and that was it.

The week before the CNY holiday, I have been on the road working delivery in the afternoon. The festive season traffic was so bad I literally spent almost more than 4 hours everyday on the run. But I can't complain for the high fare during this festive season. My life has been very mundane - apart from going to the gym in the morning and working delivery in the afternoon, at night I spend my time resting and go to bed early. I did have sex once this month and I'll write about this later.

Then, here comes the reunion dinner on Monday night - meeting familiar faces and the usuals. The next day, which was yesterday the CNY day 1, was a somber day as it rained non-stop since morning. After I came back home from gym in the morning, I found the gate and the door was left ajar and my dad was no where to be found. A few minutes later, my dad walked back from a few houses down and told me that one of our closest neighbor fainted at home. I quickly went to my neighbor's house and found the paramedic has pronounced his death to his wife. He was a 79 year-old good man who loved his dog. We were by the wife's side until his children arrived. I also helped out the paramedics to carry the deceased from the chair to his bed. My late mum and dad were very close to them as neighbors. They helped us out a lot when my mum was bed-ridden for her final months. So, I reciprocated as much as I could til their children were here.

As we were driving to downtown for another reunion lunch, my dad seemed to be in deep thought in the car. I can tell he was deeply affected by the passing of the neighbor, but he wasn't surprised by his sudden death because he was told a week before that the neighbor had signs of random pains ensued.

My dad let out a sigh and said: "Life."  

Working as Delivery Man

Dear Zach,

Towards the end of last month, I couldn't get myself to stay at home doing nothing anymore, I've decided to sign up Lalamove to become a delivery rider, also known as p-hailing, to kill my time. Since, I have my car, and the sign-up process is way less restrictive as being an e-hailing driver such as Grab Car driver, I took the leap faith and signed up for real on last Thursday.

Within half hour, my account was approved and available to start accepting orders and deliver. After gym, I had my lunch and shower, I left home at 2pm to start working. My first day of being a delivery man was brutal, especially under the hot scorching sun. By the time I have done picking up or dropping off items and was backed in my car, I was sweating like mad. I drove around and accepted orders around my area, after 3 hours, I went home with only RM24. I took 4 orders that day itself and each order took me roughly 30 minutes to deliver including the short timing of picking up, calling, confirming, and dropping off.

I was disappointed with the amount of I earned for that day. It was way too less for the total of 4 jobs. I felt like I made the worst decision signing up to be a delivery rider. Then, I resorted to consulting ChatGPT for advice in earning decent wages working as Lalamove Delivery rider. It has given a good and sensible advice and I decided to follow exactly what it told me to do the next day.

The next day, after gym, lunch, and shower, I left home a little earlier than yesterday and started accepting a long-haul distance job instead of short distance ones. I set a minimum earning target for myself which is RM50 per day. Soon, I accepted a delivery job nearby my house that needed to be sent to a place that requires 45 minutes to 1 hour drive. The pay was RM39 after commission deduction by the company. After I have done the first gig, I accepted another job that travelled back to my area at RM30. That day itself, I have earned RM69 in just mere 3 hours of driving on the road - literally a triple jumps from the pay I got in the previous day!

This is the what ChatGPT told me in its takeaway : Most drivers fail because they accept everything, you’re building a system instead. You’re not trying to be busy. You’re trying to be efficient. Busy drivers make RM70 in 6 hours. Smart drivers make RM60 in 2 hours. Be the second guy.

Since then, I have been working at least 3 hours a day on the road earning RM50 at least. There were some days I earned over RM80. But most of the time I managed to earn between RM65 to RM70 a day. Some days took me 4 hours to travel back and forth due to heavy traffic. But today was a great day - I've earned RM84 from the relatively short-distanced jobs, and I got to get home by 4.30pm!

I can't complain much now. This delivery job has given flexible timing for me and my gym routine. At least I got to work out in the morning without a rush. And I got to be home for dinner and rest at night. Yes, the pay is minimum wage and, at least, it starts paying my bill and fitness lifestyle. I couldn't ask for more now. I am not useless now!

  

Staying Away

Dear Zach,

I'm having hard time to stay away from Facebook. Probably I am in fear of missing out. Although I have filtered my following page list down to 10, I still can't help myself but to hover the mouse over "Reel" section and enjoy the constant dopamine of some random hot fitness influencers talking about things that I have already known. As soon as I realize I am in endless bottomless scrolling, I close the tab and stare at the screen in blank. I usually hop between netflix and youtube and facebook.

I have deleted Facebook app from my phone. But there are times my hand habitually grab my phone and scroll away for FB app. It gonna take some times getting used to. My phone has zero social media apps now. The only way access to FB is using my laptop - that will be soon I am gonna set a time limit for its usage. I watch about going analog on Youtube - interesting take about staying away from screen time and get back into how we used to live in the 2000s.

I broke my sex dry spell today with a regular top of mine. I wasn't keen in meeting him but since he was okay to meet at the cheap motel, so I met him up to get a good pound. The rooms at the cheap motel were fully booked. To be fair, I rarely come to this motel on Sunday afternoon. Just when I thought we weren't gonna make it, the receptionist guy told me there was a bigger room left at the price of RM40 for 2 hours, just RM10 extra on top of the regular room I always go for. We went for it. I felt like the sex was different this time. I was pretty sure that I was no longer sexually into him anymore - this sex proved it. His dick is not big enough to satisfy me. That's why.