Reunited with my no.1 top

Dear Zach,

My head was laying on his right chest, listening to his heartbeat, my left hand reached over playing with his right nipple, while he was jerking off with one hand, and watching porn on X with the other.

The sex was as great as I could remember. It has been 10 months since we met up for sex. Just when I thought we were not gonna meet again, he texted me last week out of the blue. I have been awaiting for his text since I unblocked him last December. He told me he missed my ass so much and wanting to meet. In the end, we met up tonight at the usual motel we always go to.

We hugged for the longest time on bed before I proceed sucking his thick black cock that I've truly missed so much. After a few minutes of foreplay, I reached over the table and fished out a condom and put it on him. He didn't go against it. In fact, I did tell him last week that if we were to meet, we would have to play with protection. He was fine with it.

I turned around and started off with our favorite doggy style. He slid his thick black cock into me slowly, making sure I wasn't in pain, and he pulled out, and put it in again, just to ensure my canal was fully diluted for what was about to come next. He picked up his pace and started pounding me as hard as I've always love. My face was buried deep in the pillow as he pounded away. All the familiar senses flooded back to me. The way he grabbed my ass; the way he slammed his hips against my ass; the way I wanted it only he knows how, pushing in deep in to my slick, silky butt hole. The whole ass cheek slapping sound was all over the room. We changed a several position in his favors. No matter how he fucked me, my dick was always hard. In other word, he is the only guy who could make me raging hardon while he fucking me.

As he was doggy fucking me, he pulled off the condom and tried to enter me. As much as I wanted him raw inside me, I resisted and told me no. We used another condom and continued the fuck. He was panting as he pounded me hard from my back, I knew he was about to cum. I was waiting for his climax shot, but to no avail. He kept on pounding on, but still nothing. In the end, we took a breather and laid on the bed. "It's gonna take some time for me to cum ... you know... with condom ..." He said. I knew what his implication was. He can only cum when fucking bareback. I remained unfazed and laid by his side.

As he was jerking off furiously while watching those porn clips on X, he cum without warning. I sat up and went to the bathroom to clean up. We exchanged a few words about our lives. He has a girlfriend now. But still hasn't fucked her yet.

It was great to meet him again. Somehow, with all the familiarities we both share in sex, I felt like we have drifted apart in certain ways. As much as I wanted to have bareback sex with him like we used to, I still don't trust him that much.  

Shutting Them Down

Dear Zach,

The government is seemingly making a move to shut every gay social apps in the country. The first step they did is to block access to Grindr and Blued on website - the news just came in today. This is my first time knowing that Grindr can be login via website. But who accesses Grindr through website anyway? They are also taking proactive measure in examining legal options to curb their mobile applications.

It comes as no surprise they decide to ban these apps after the epic raiding of gay sauna in the last November. It is the last straw for them to cut off all the relating LGBT stuffs in tangible sense. There are a few unpopular gay sauna still operating - I just went to one of them last week in daytime. It is just matter of time they will be closed or another raid to force it shut.

I also can foresee that, in years to come, the LGBTQ community would find it hard to seek same-sex sexual partners without the existence of gay dating apps. As a gay man who has been an avid user of grindr for years, I would be damned if they ban it. Going to pubs or club is not my thing nor any place with large crowd. Cruising in public toilet would be damn risky to do so, despite I love the thrill of it. 

What are the options available for a gay man to meet other man in same mind alike?

Reunited With The Regular Pakis Top

Dear Zach,

It has been almost 2 years since I've met this regular pakistanis top. He used to holler me over to his room every other week to fuck me and sometimes he would invite a few friends of his taking turn to fuck me after one has done. After some time, he has left for new work opportunity in Penang. He would come back to my area occasionally to visit his mates and asked me over. And that was almost 2 years ago.

Last Sunday, I downloaded Grindr just to look around. Within seconds, the closest profile messaged me with raw unedited long dick picture. Then, he showed me his picture and asked if I still remember him. Of course I do remember him - he's the only pakistanis who sucks dick, kisses, and does rimming. By far, he is my favorite top. He told me he bought a new phone after he lost his previous one and all contacts were gone. Hence, he couldn't contact me and tried hard finding me in Grindr. That day was his lucky day I guess. 

I met him at my place that night. He is still lean and slim. His hair is still slick and luscious as usual. But he got so tanned and his skin shows the sign of working tirelessly under the hot sun. We stripped naked, his 7 incher already hard, and we got closed and moved our heads closer. We embraced and hugged for the longest time ever. As if we were a long time friend who went missing for years. My lips engulfed his lips, tasting his smell of cigarette, and lust. His body is lean with strong abs though it is not visible. But I can feel it under my palm as I slid my hand across his stomach down to his 7 incher, and bend down and had him in my mouth. I sucked him so good because I haven't been able to suck dick for weeks and this was the biggest dick I've sucked since the beginning of the year, and I also missed him too.

I grabbed the condom and put it on him. I sat on him to expand my butt canal fully and deeply before he fucked me hard and deep as he always like. We switched to doggy style - our favorite. His both hands grabbed on my hips, his hips undulated as his dick sliding me in and out as I love. He picked up his pace and slamming me hard. He gave it all out as if it would be the last time we met. Meanwhile, I was face deep in my pillow, muffling my moan, letting all of his pounding yearning his favorite hole. As he started to pant, it was his sign of cumming, he embraced me hard from behind as he let out his orgasm.

After we were done, I drove him back and bid goodbye. We promised that we will meet again.

The length of my dick: For now

Dear Zach,

I am very surprised to have found out today that my dick is at 5.5 inches hard. Why am I surprised ? It is because, a decade ago, I measured my dick and it was at 6 inches at most. Now, as I age, it has become half an inch shorter.

Recently, during the usual jerk off session in the shower, I started to notice that my dick has become slightly shorter than usual. Just now before taking the shower, I made myself hard and measured it.

Now with the measurement I have, here I thought that jerking off everyday could make your dick longer or something. Turned out it wasn't. Unlike the muscles I train in the gym everyday, it won't grow because I beat it everyday. 

All the while I always thought I have the standard asian size of dick and was complimented by a few tops for having the potential of being a top. Even the bottoms I met in the sauna love sucking it.

I am truly horrified by the latest revelation that a part of myself shrink. Although I am not disappointed by it as I am a pure bottom myself and my ass, most of the time, is fully utilized during fornication, it does bruise my ego a bit knowing the truth.

Could it be that the bigger the dick I want from a top, the more it shrink?

Life as we know it

Dear Zach,

This year CNY is never the same with the absence of my mum. Every new year, she would be in the mood of spring-cleaning every corner of the entire house, decorating the wall with a bit of red decors with the bare minimum efforts to live up the festive mood. Her loud absence in the house has made a very drastic mood shift in us. My dad and I did not do much for the festive season - only a few cleanings and that was it.

The week before the CNY holiday, I have been on the road working delivery in the afternoon. The festive season traffic was so bad I literally spent almost more than 4 hours everyday on the run. But I can't complain for the high fare during this festive season. My life has been very mundane - apart from going to the gym in the morning and working delivery in the afternoon, at night I spend my time resting and go to bed early. I did have sex once this month and I'll write about this later.

Then, here comes the reunion dinner on Monday night - meeting familiar faces and the usuals. The next day, which was yesterday the CNY day 1, was a somber day as it rained non-stop since morning. After I came back home from gym in the morning, I found the gate and the door was left ajar and my dad was no where to be found. A few minutes later, my dad walked back from a few houses down and told me that one of our closest neighbor fainted at home. I quickly went to my neighbor's house and found the paramedic has pronounced his death to his wife. He was a 79 year-old good man who loved his dog. We were by the wife's side until his children arrived. I also helped out the paramedics to carry the deceased from the chair to his bed. My late mum and dad were very close to them as neighbors. They helped us out a lot when my mum was bed-ridden for her final months. So, I reciprocated as much as I could til their children were here.

As we were driving to downtown for another reunion lunch, my dad seemed to be in deep thought in the car. I can tell he was deeply affected by the passing of the neighbor, but he wasn't surprised by his sudden death because he was told a week before that the neighbor had signs of random pains ensued.

My dad let out a sigh and said: "Life."  

Working as Delivery Man

Dear Zach,

Towards the end of last month, I couldn't get myself to stay at home doing nothing anymore, I've decided to sign up Lalamove to become a delivery rider, also known as p-hailing, to kill my time. Since, I have my car, and the sign-up process is way less restrictive as being an e-hailing driver such as Grab Car driver, I took the leap faith and signed up for real on last Thursday.

Within half hour, my account was approved and available to start accepting orders and deliver. After gym, I had my lunch and shower, I left home at 2pm to start working. My first day of being a delivery man was brutal, especially under the hot scorching sun. By the time I have done picking up or dropping off items and was backed in my car, I was sweating like mad. I drove around and accepted orders around my area, after 3 hours, I went home with only RM24. I took 4 orders that day itself and each order took me roughly 30 minutes to deliver including the short timing of picking up, calling, confirming, and dropping off.

I was disappointed with the amount of I earned for that day. It was way too less for the total of 4 jobs. I felt like I made the worst decision signing up to be a delivery rider. Then, I resorted to consulting ChatGPT for advice in earning decent wages working as Lalamove Delivery rider. It has given a good and sensible advice and I decided to follow exactly what it told me to do the next day.

The next day, after gym, lunch, and shower, I left home a little earlier than yesterday and started accepting a long-haul distance job instead of short distance ones. I set a minimum earning target for myself which is RM50 per day. Soon, I accepted a delivery job nearby my house that needed to be sent to a place that requires 45 minutes to 1 hour drive. The pay was RM39 after commission deduction by the company. After I have done the first gig, I accepted another job that travelled back to my area at RM30. That day itself, I have earned RM69 in just mere 3 hours of driving on the road - literally a triple jumps from the pay I got in the previous day!

This is the what ChatGPT told me in its takeaway : Most drivers fail because they accept everything, you’re building a system instead. You’re not trying to be busy. You’re trying to be efficient. Busy drivers make RM70 in 6 hours. Smart drivers make RM60 in 2 hours. Be the second guy.

Since then, I have been working at least 3 hours a day on the road earning RM50 at least. There were some days I earned over RM80. But most of the time I managed to earn between RM65 to RM70 a day. Some days took me 4 hours to travel back and forth due to heavy traffic. But today was a great day - I've earned RM84 from the relatively short-distanced jobs, and I got to get home by 4.30pm!

I can't complain much now. This delivery job has given flexible timing for me and my gym routine. At least I got to work out in the morning without a rush. And I got to be home for dinner and rest at night. Yes, the pay is minimum wage and, at least, it starts paying my bill and fitness lifestyle. I couldn't ask for more now. I am not useless now!

  

Weird Ass Shape

Dear Zach,

Yesterday when I was having sex with the regular top, in middle of the sex, I told him to use his phone to record us from top view while doing doggy. I wanted to see how much my ass has grown from the eyes of top's perspective whether it is becoming a solidified gay pornstar ass. After months of heavy thrusting and kickbacking in the gym with glute-focused exercise regime, I was dying to know.

He did what I told, started fucking me from the back, one hand on the side of my hip, another hand with his phone recording from the top while I was trying to arch my back, and faced down in the duvet - a classic sex scene when doing a home produced porn. After a few minutes, he showed me the outcome while still riding me from the back. I was crestfallen. After all these months of hardwork, it was complete opposite what I imagined it would be. My ass shape looked weird from the top. My lower side of my ass is way too sharp for a curve. It did not scream "juicy" from the top. Besides, my back acne scars still look prominent after numerous efforts in lightening them. His average sized dick also did not make the whole scene any better either. I felt bad for saying this but it was unappetizing.

To be fair, my ass has always been my distinct disadvantage. I even asked ChatGPT if I am ever gonna get a juicy pornstar ass. ChatGPT has been very kind and supportive in conveying encouragement to me. And it even mentioned that my ass is looking great with solid foundation, what I needed is time and patience to sculp the shape of my ass into my ideal one. 

Staying Away

Dear Zach,

I'm having hard time to stay away from Facebook. Probably I am in fear of missing out. Although I have filtered my following page list down to 10, I still can't help myself but to hover the mouse over "Reel" section and enjoy the constant dopamine of some random hot fitness influencers talking about things that I have already known. As soon as I realize I am in endless bottomless scrolling, I close the tab and stare at the screen in blank. I usually hop between netflix and youtube and facebook.

I have deleted Facebook app from my phone. But there are times my hand habitually grab my phone and scroll away for FB app. It gonna take some times getting used to. My phone has zero social media apps now. The only way access to FB is using my laptop - that will be soon I am gonna set a time limit for its usage. I watch about going analog on Youtube - interesting take about staying away from screen time and get back into how we used to live in the 2000s.

I broke my sex dry spell today with a regular top of mine. I wasn't keen in meeting him but since he was okay to meet at the cheap motel, so I met him up to get a good pound. The rooms at the cheap motel were fully booked. To be fair, I rarely come to this motel on Sunday afternoon. Just when I thought we weren't gonna make it, the receptionist guy told me there was a bigger room left at the price of RM40 for 2 hours, just RM10 extra on top of the regular room I always go for. We went for it. I felt like the sex was different this time. I was pretty sure that I was no longer sexually into him anymore - this sex proved it. His dick is not big enough to satisfy me. That's why.