Finals

 

Dear Zach,

I have gone missing for a week to be exact. Final exams are in a week and I have been preparing it exhaustingly. For the one whole week, apart from going to the gym in the morning, I was staying in my own room doing revision all the time. My mind was literally blown off by the stuffs I have read and, sadly enough, I couldn’t have remembered what I read. Frustrating enough that I’d have to start all over again. Well, life as a student is always interesting. Just that I would have to do some adjustment for it so that it goes well. I can’t wait all of these to be over.

xx

Thank You

 

Dear Zach,

It’s such a thoughtful thing to do when people who have zero idea of who you are, sending you an email telling you to cheer up. Thank you for y’all concern.

For the past few weeks, I have been stressing about myself - my health, my studies, and my future. It is one of the life point where you have to make a huge decision for your own life. It is such a tough decision to be thought of. Especially when comes to my health wise, on the out side of me I may seem a healthy kid, but who knows what may have inside of me. Sometimes you just wanna kill yourself for doing the wrong thing and yet still repeating it all over again. If it is meant to be happened, it will somehow by any chance happen. If I were given one thing to do before I die, I’d spend my remaining time with my mum and dad, telling them what I have dreamed of, who I really am, and telling them they are the greatest persons none other than anyone that I’ve had ever loved in my whole life. Thank you.

#PurpleRibbonTeam

 

Dear Zach,

It’s finally over!

After months of preparing, researching, and writing with my heart and soul for my research proposal, after today presentation, I am finally done with that!

It was kind of nerve-wrecking while waiting for my turn to present. I gave the best I could, but I think it was not the best I did so far. Though I prepared adequately well for everything, it just lacked of something. Well, good thing it is over and I will have to wait until next few weeks to be able to get my project ongoing.

Finals are in two weeks. All I can say is … good luck.

Goes Wrong

 

Dear Zach,

I feel unease all of sudden. Even though I’ve gotten back home in the weekend, I feel something is terribly wrong and it really upset me most of the time. Shitty things happen one after another.

First is my research proposal that I needed to make amendment in the last minute as I have presentation to be prepared two days before the date is due. Fuck my supervisor actually. He could have told me earlier.

Secondly, the Microsoft office really fucked me upside down AGAIN. Thought it has been activated and will be lasted forever, sadly enough it mentioned on my screen saying it will be going unlicensed in two freaking days. So I downloaded version 2013 and installed. Followed step by step to make sure nothing goes wrong, only ended up saying it needs activation key AGAIN. I am speechless.

Here’s some pictures of my night out with my family:

Sad Day

 

Dear Zach,

I’m just sad today.

I just want to lay on my bed, close my eyes, and forget everything I hate about me.

I couldn’t. Because these imperfections have been part of me for a very long time. And will be forever tagging along with me til I die.

Life is really unfair at most of the time. Why do I have to be the one that have gone through the roller coaster rides to reach the destination?

Why can’t I have the similar road as Mr.Popular-and-Hot to have been able to get what ever he wants in his life?

I’ve always convinced myself if I work hard enough I would definitely get there. Only to lead to inevitable disappointment I’ve gotten used to have.

Not a single time I am able to get to enjoy a glorious moment in my entire fucking life.

It is just so pathetic. So pathetic I want to cry out loud but I couldn’t even squeeze a single drop of tear out of my eyes.

Life is so mess-up for me. And I will always be the one who clear up the mess and move on, pretending like it is just another casual downfall.

I am so sick and tired of this shits going on lately. Disappointment leads to another one. It seems unstoppable. Or maybe it is unstoppable.

I’ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore. If working hard enough isn’t going to work at all for me, I am not gonna work hard to get something I want.

If it is meant for me, then let it come to me.

I am tired. I want to curl in my bed. And cry. And drift into sleep.

I don’t want to wake up anymore.