Not Keen If It Isn't Raw

Dear Zach,

I tried to be courteous to Ben by texting him that I can host for a month, if he's keen to meet up again, let me know. He replied 3 minutes later with "sure" nonchalantly.

12 hours later, he asked if I am into raw with him. I told me no.

"I am not sure if you are raw fucking others." I replied. 

What he replied next was "okay, thanks. I am not keen." Just like that, he did not even rebut saying he didn't fuck others raw but with condom. He pretty much gaslighted me. In this case, I am pretty sure he has been fucking raw with others since he didn't deny it.

Thanks for being honest. I guess raw sexing with him was a mistake to begin with. I am pretty sure he has gotten used to raw sex now. I can't risk without knowing actual his sexual health status. He has always been very shady about his personal sex history. He claims that he has been taking prep. But I never believed him. 

During the time we were raw fucking, after sex, I felt very guilty and afraid with what-ifs. What if he lies about his busy schedule but fucking around with others raw? Not that I am jealous, but he is not the person who would proactively take sexual health precaution when comes to sex. All these while we were having sex, I pray that he was clean. Every 3 months I took the test and came out clean, I would inform him about my results. Whereas he wouldn't do such thing. If I were to ask him to do a testing, he would throw a fit at me. 

I could have taken PreP for him. Somehow, his frequent cancelling on our meetup has occurred to me that taking PreP is just a waste of money and effort.

Therefore, I am not gonna hold on to him now. His final text meant that he is no longer interested in me. I am okay. I removed his contact and blocked him forever.

We had a great times, but great times always come to the end.