Strictly Platonic?

Dear Zach,

I met Sham exactly 10 years ago when I was working as a trainer in one of the top leading fitness center in the middle of Kuala Lumpur. That time he was a client to one of my co-worker and we did exchange a few words. He is a local indian, tall, dark, but average skinny looking and few years older. I knew he was gay right away when he conversed with me, but I did not intend to hook up with him because he was not my type. He works as doctor in one of the busiest hospital in the center of KL. He told me he was pursuing specialist that time - very bright future ahead of him.

Fast forward few years later, we came across each other in Grindr and he confessed everything to me about his feelings and how he always wanted me and do all kind of dirty things to me. Of course, what hooked me up the most was his 7 inches long black dong when he sent me picture as proof. He was located back in Penang island. But he always come to KL for a short weekend trip in one of many expensive hotels for getaway. The first time we met up the sex was good. Every now and then, he would come to KL just to find an excuse for a short trip but, in actual fact, he intend to meet me. He often keep suggesting us how good we will be if we ever be in a relationship. How he would treat me right and give all the amazing sex and goods to me - emotionally and monetary wise. 

I thought he was joking at first, as the time went by, his suggestive comments about us became serious. There was one time he bought me a Samsung phone which cost over RM6000 and sent to me via courier service. He said he just wanted to help me as I was struggling with my own career at that time, so an upgraded phone would have been of help in any way. I was grateful for his act of kindness and expensive gift, somehow I felt compelled to return him favors in sex. Over the years, whenever he came visiting, I would meet him, and have sex just to return some favor of his kindness. Over time, he would again suggest us to be together. I firmly said no. "I am not looking to settle down." In fact, I don't see myself settling down with him. I see him as a good friend with platonic sex. He was disappointed but he knew from the start I never intended to settle down.

We still keep in touch over the years. He had a few relationships that lasted less than 6 months. From being exclusive to open relationship, somehow his luck with men to be in relationship always doom to fail. Sex was always part of us when we met. One time he was grieving for the loss of his grandma, we had sex multiple times over the course of 3 days he was in KL.

As the time went on, our sex have become a routine - at least for me. There was no passion anymore despite the fact that he still love it. Two years ago, I told him that I just didn't feel like to have sex with him anymore as I see him more of a good friend now. He got what I meant, sometime when we met strictly outside of the hotel, he would ask if I wanna go back to the hotel to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell him no. I just told him either I was not into it or I've had to go. 

Recently, I have started to reach out to him since he has been really quiet, even before that he was awfully monotonous to every message I texted to him. He said that he just embraces the part of being introvert and alone, sometimes he feel like he is becoming less attractive, and cannot be a cup of tea for everyone all the time, even I don't prefer to have sex with him as I see him more of a friend, hence he needs to adapt changes in life and come to terms with it. The penny drops. He was implying about us. And I did not query further and just ended the conversation with just simple texts and "take care". Somehow, he asked about my mum and I told him about everything. He was surprised and kept the conversation going, and then he asked me out on the weekend since he would be in town for the weekend, I have got no reason to reject since we last met was 1 year ago.

After lunch we went back to his hotel, before we knew it, we were naked on bed, both us with hard-on, I lubed him up and enter inside of me raw. This was the first time we have bareback sex. All these years, we usually have sex with condom due to his nature of job which requires extra precautious when comes to having sex. Doctors will be barred indefinitely from practicing medicine if ones diagnosed with HIV. But when he started taking PreP and deoxypep diligently 1 year ago, he has been going full throttle in having bareback sex with everyone, even when he travelled to Bangkok recently, he said he's had sex 4 times a day over the course of 5 days staying there.

Our sex this time was enjoyable. Simply because it was very long time since we have sex. We just fucked, no kiss no foreplay. I felt like we were reminiscing for a good ol time. But this time there was no passion no more. I think he felt that too. I wonder if I was compelled to have sex with him again just to keep our friendship going or just to repay his expensive sushi lunch treat on that day itself. If sex was taken out of the equation, will this platonic friendship be ended as I speak?