9 years later, this post I wrote still hit me hard to my core.
I have survived through the pandemic, the recession, the downs, and the lows. After all these years, I still can't believe I am still alive and well writing this.
I am still lost. Even worst, I have no job, no prospect, no passion. With my mum's nearing to death, I have come to terms that she will never be able to see my success in future.
I used to love reading, in which it led me to think that I would be a writer someday. Recently, after learning that being a self-published author in Malaysia is like throwing your money into the empty pit, the dream of being a writer has been casted further away.
I have tried being acrylic artist for a year. It started out well. With exhibitions and art fairs that I have participated, I made no money from all of that. In fact, I was at financial loss in every fairs and exhibitions I attended. But I was fortunate enough to get invited to be part of group exhibitions. It lasted until the beginning of this year when my mum's cancer becoming serious, I decided to give it all up and shift my focus on her since it is not working for me and I don't see myself in working this line of career.
What is your dream? To be fair, you only can dream when you have achieved financial freedom. Because all the dreams we have certainly involves money.
Just like what will be my plan after my mum died?
There is no charge for dreaming. Happiness is having dreams, success is making them come true! I have no doubt that a plan will form after your mom passes. For now just enjoy the time you have with her. I understand that you'd like her approval and for her to know you will be okay, but those are things deep down that a parent knows. As long as your happy and can earn a living that's all that matters. You might not have your dream job but not many people do. Please take good care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteThank you. For now, I'll just focus on her til she passes.
DeleteYou tried out a few things like acrylic art and did well enough to be invited to exhibit. That's a success. Don't discount that. Do you think successful artists achieved this in one year? If this is your truly passion, then maybe you should stick with it. Talk to people. Find out how you can make money in this field. You must have other interests. Is there anything else you want to explore? In the meantime, can you make money with a side hustle or part-time job to make ends meet? Look at all the artists and actors who work in restaurants or cafes while they are trying to make it. The ones who are successful never would be there if they hadn't tried. Not everyone is successful in art, acting or whatever, but I have to respect them for trying.
ReplyDeletePart-time job is not possible for now, since I am needed in almost every 2hours attending to my bed-ridden mum, although we have hired a day carer. For now, having to work for living is the last thing in my mind.
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