Tuesday, July 8, 2025

Uncertainty

Dear Zach,

9 years later, this post I wrote still hit me hard to my core.

I have survived through the pandemic, the recession, the downs, and the lows. After all these years, I still can't believe I am still alive and well writing this.

I am still lost. Even worst, I have no job, no prospect, no passion. With my mum's nearing to death, I have come to terms that she will never be able to see my success in future. 

I used to love reading, in which it led me to think that I would be a writer someday. Recently, after learning that being a self-published author in Malaysia is like throwing your money into the empty pit, the dream of being a writer has been casted further away.

I have tried being acrylic artist for a year. It started out well. With exhibitions and art fairs that I have participated, I made no money from all of that. In fact, I was at financial loss in every fairs and exhibitions I attended. But I was fortunate enough to get invited to be part of group exhibitions. It lasted until the beginning of this year when my mum's cancer becoming serious, I decided to give it all up and shift my focus on her since it is not working for me and I don't see myself in working this line of career. 

What is your dream? To be fair, you only can dream when you have achieved financial freedom. Because all the dreams we have certainly involves money.

Just like what will be my plan after my mum died? 

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Maira Gall