Bye Bye Bye

 

Dear Zach,

When you fell in the pool of romance, you would have the urge to write everything down for every single day of what you’ve had done with him. For the past few days had unfailingly proven that romance can make my mind dumber – from dumb to dumber. For the split second would I have thought there’s a remote possibility between us to go any further from initiating sex talk to romantic talk. I guess sex talk wins it all. Big time. Because everyone wants to have sex, and when comes to talking about sex, people never cease to be feeling animated talking about it, and that’s when the horny feeling kicking in. And, of course, since our animated behavior were all started off by talking about sex, then I shall be the gentlemen to shut it off by sealing my lips, refusing to talk to him by any chance, and being coldly distant and distantly cold. Like yesterday, I hardly spoke to him more than two words for the entire day. I was gloating inside because I got the be the bitchy side of myself when one has triggered my bitchy side of myself.

It’s exactly two weeks to go to finish my internship in this fucken company. I can’t wait to leave this place and don’t miss anything or everything and everyone in this company. I hated everything and everyone from this company. My utmost hatred toward everything about this company is indescribable and indestructible. And the boss is gay and I hated him so much because he’s an asshole that everyone in this company will always hate. And because of too much hatred in one, I’ve become a hateful person. Okay. I lie about the last part.

Not sure what has overcome me this morning, I woke up and grabbed my phone, and swiped to the left to look for the all time infamous icon, I tapped on it, and went to the setting of the apps, and deleted my account, once and for all. So yeah … … since deleting the apps isn’t working to halt me from my constant seeking of sex, then I will have to delete the user account. I am a free bird now.

To anyone who has once chatted me up over the Jack’d, saying that you have come across my blog, I am sincerely grateful for all the kind words and flattery. I hope my lack of acknowledgement to your message doesn’t offend you in anyway as I find it awkward chatting over Jack’d. LOLZ.

That’s all for now.

See y’all in December.

xx

I Am Divorced

 

Dear Zach,

I want to make a simple post about my divorce.

 

I am divorcing my phone.

 

Divorcing myself from my smart phone or dumb phone that I used to love to cling with so much as though I couldn’t live a day without it. I know it’s felt so cool to be able to swipe left to right, up and down for the awesome interface you’ve had never tried before. It’s also cool to have such cool gadget to be able to constantly update your social medias on ease of your palm with a right tap away. I know the temptation to check on the updates of the photo you posted online saying how stressful you are in which you are not, but wanting to seek some attention just for the sake of getting likes for the photos. And the games are fun to play with.

But, please, put it aside. Or hide in your bag. And enjoy living for the moment without those gadget tagging around. Learn to put it down when you are having conversation with others over a meal. Learn to put it aside when people are talking to you directly in your face about things that matter. Learn to put it down when you are having a dinner with your family, because they are what matter the most. Learn to put it in your pocket when you are walking on the road because you wouldn’t want yourself to get hurt by just a gadget that makes you fall off from the pavement due to busying tapping away on your phone. Learn to adapt living the life without your phone around you, observing how different it is to be living in a world where everyone is hunching their back to look at the screen of the phone, while you are just sitting there with a cup of tea on the table, that’s it. I have adapted such manner that I wouldn’t put my phone on the table, by any chance, or put it inside my pocket. Even if I have nothing to talk about, I would just observe the surrounding people, take it as a chance to be an avid observer about people. Because I want to learn how life it was when there was no cool gadget around us for the last decades.

I know it’s an awkward start not to have your gadget around when you are sitting alone in the coffee shop. Not everyone could do this. Because to most people, not having your smart phone around makes them socially awkward. But having your smart phone with you makes you anti-social. I am trying my best not to constantly flip on my phone just to kill away my boredom. But most of the time I would leave my phone in my car. Because I just want to enjoy my quiet meal and tea, and the sound of people chattering around you, and my mundane life.

xx

Stinky B-yotch

 

Dear Zach,

Thank you for the kind words of dumping that asshole in my previous post.

Yup. I was really happy that I did not touch him today by any chance. Nor did he touch me when I was alone with him in the car to somewhere for lunch. And I did not really talk to him. I was glad things between us had changed so drastically without me knowing it and remained back to what it was supposed to be when I started working there – to be strictly platonic. When he jokingly told me he was leaving next week, I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I was glad he could leave as soon as possible before I leave the company in two weeks time. Having that being said, he is going to leave this company as well on the same day I leave. What a fucking coincidence! But I couldn’t be bothered because I will not be seeing him anyway. Let alone him fucking himself. And whenever he tried to bring up topic about sex, I avoided it completely and pretended I wasn’t interested in talking about sex with him under such awkward circumstances. What I found irritating about him is that his fingers are constantly on tapping his phone for almost all the time, especially while driving, eating, and walking. I really couldn’t hold my irritation of his such disrespectful behavior to me, I voiced it out, “Why are you tapping your phone all the time?”

“Just tapping. Playing games.” He said, still tapping on his phone.

“My dad is almost like you. Tapping on the phone, playing games when we having family dinner.” I said, looking ahead of the road. “And he was admonished by me for being disrespectful to us.” I added.

He still had the cheek to say this, “So you are trying to admonish me for being like this?”

“Well, I am trying to give you an advice. It’s a bad habit.” My tone was hard. But he didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh. Thanks for the piece of advice.” He continued on tapping his phone.

“You don’t have to listen it anyway.” I said sardonically.

“Listen or not, that’s my wish. Thanks though.” Tap tap tap tap …

I am so disappointed. What a complete arsehole! I tuned up the volume of the car stereo and refused to talk to him after that. If he doesn’t want to talk, why should I talk to him? 

Lesson learnt from this experience: Never ever bring up the topic about sex in work. Simply because topic about sex could drive two people doing all sorts of wrong things at wrong place at wrong time. Fortunately, I didn’t get to suck his hardon anyway – his dick stinks when I slipped my hand into his pants and grabbed hold of it. I washed my hands with Dettol thrice, but the stinky odor still linger around my palm. Sorry for being such a bitch here, but I am not sorry.

x

I Don’t Care

 

Dear Zach,

I was in my own foul mood today. I had been quiet for the entire day. Dead quiet. Everyone seemed to be aware of my unspoken silence and found me intimidating as my facial expression was as dark as charcoal, they never dared to speak to me. Neither did I speak more than ten words for the whole day to anyone. I appreciated that they didn’t try to talk to me. Because if they do I would have flipped out, and punched bitches.

I expected him to talk to me at least to find out what was wrong with me; He did not. I was really disappointed by the fact that he treated me such way, even if he would have the chance of being punched. And I was jealous of him when he told me he had lunchie with the bitch he hated. Okay, I shouldn’t be jealous as the bitch had no one to go lunch with, him being a lady-men to have accompanied her for lunch. And my foul mood was ten times worst after lunch hour. I refused to look anyone in the eye, especially him. I used my cold stare at him, and hard voice to him. And yet he still acted nonchalantly to my sudden changes of behavior. I swear to God I could have thrown a chair across the room at his face.

This. Has readily proven that he does not like me as a person. He just attracted to my physical appearance. I am really disappointed in him. It’s over. It’s done. If he’s ever touch me, I will slap him for sure.

I Should Stop

 

Dear Zach,

I should stop.

Stop doing something that he wouldn’t even have the tingly interest to do it in return. Like me kissing his hands.

I was the one who was doing it.

I was the one who was holding his hands while driving the fucking car.

I concerned about him. Like trying to massage his injured wrist with the cream I purposely brought it along.

I was the one who said I miss him. First. He never said it back.

I wanted to ask if he is fond of me.

I guess the question should be remained unspoken. Because I knew he wouldn’t answer directly to my question.

I am really confused.

Maybe I don’t have abs. But this is absurd.

If there’s no reciprocation between us, it’s about fucking time to cut the loose.

About fucking time.

I Don’t Have A Type

 

Dear Zach,

I used to have a type of guys I fancy – lean, toned, chiseled abs, broad shoulder, and muscular back. They were my kind of dream guy I wanted to be and be with.

I guess I have gotten to know better about these hot guys through Jack’d, and feeling much grateful to the constant invention of latest gay-seeking apps nowadays, I hated and am hating on these narcissistic and stupid ‘hot guys’ who intend to find guys like them – stupid and narcissistic hot guys.

I don’t have a type. If I like you, I will like you. Simple as that.

I am tired of people asking what my type is. Because seeking my type of guy as though seeking needle in haystack. Even if he’s your type of guy, he might not be compatible with you or otherwise. Having a type constrain you from being yourself. Because you would pretend to be someone you are not to impress your desired guy.

I don’t have a type. Simple as that.

x

Romance?

 

Dear Zach,

A week that filled with lust could really make my week a little much brighter and I look forward to each day itself. Not sure if it’s lust or just some sudden fondness I found in him. Good thing is that we work together in the same area, so that we get to talk to each other without failure.

I never liked him in a way I like him now when I got to know him 3 months back. We just work. Nothing much happening then. Back then I hated my job so much to the point I didn’t really notice about him. As the days went by, I was starting to notice him. He’s slim, slightly shorter than me, and wearing an old-fashioned specs on his handsome face. If you ask me if he’s attractive at the first place, I’d say no. He’s never really my type of guy I’d consider to have sex with.

Time makes funny things to people. Not sure when I starting to have the intention to get to know him better. I think it’s the sex topic that makes both of us sexually attracted to each other. We shared our sexual encounters, and other sexual stuffs. Everyday whenever he approaches me, his after-showered scene filled my nostril, always giving me an instant hard-on. I wanted to grab him into me and smooch him madly in the working area. We always flirt with each other whenever we have the chance.

Deep down I know I shouldn’t be having such complicated relationship as I’d be leaving in a month. We wouldn’t be seeing each other then. I constantly remind myself that I must not fond of him. I must hate him. Despise him. But I couldn’t. Until one day, we unintentionally drove to a discreet place after lunch, and made out in the car. It was good. I felt ecstatic! I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way as I did. The next day itself, I wanted to tell him we should remain what it should have been instead of going further. I couldn’t do it. And I miss his lips on me already.

I have no idea where this is going to lead to. Is it going to lead to a new beginning of something I am afraid to be committing for so long or it’s just some platonic encounter that I usually have?

Argh! I shouldn’t have let my dick to think.

Trousers

 

Dear Zach,

When I was first asked to differentiate between trousers and pants, I was stunned for God knows how many seconds had past, only to realize I had no idea there was a difference in them. I scooted over to one corner discreetly, powered up my smart phone to search for “Trousers VS Pants” on the Google bar, not wanting to lose my dignity in front of my colleagues for not knowing what trouser is. Well, I was assured, firmly assured, that both terms mean the same thing but both are being used in different country – that’s what the Google said. For my entire life, I had been using the term ‘pants’ to describe pants in different sizes, length, width, and colors. As long as it covers the most private part of your anatomy at your lower body, it’s safely wearable and I am just whatever.

What am I writing about this? There are a few reasons but I want to emphasize on one: Fashion in Men.

I do notice the fact that men, especially who are aged over 25, are starting to look attractive at their respective age. Partly because they are mostly financially stable and the fashion sense is getting over them in a way their surrounding peers also starting looking fashionably good. It’s a good thing for men to know how to dress up well to impress themselves and people. Sometimes I came across some men, gay men especially, wearing short shorts – like real short – walking around the mall. It’s not sexy but greatly horrifying. I think for men, regardless straight or gay, should be able to dress up decently before stepping out the door to see the day light.

Trouser is the good choice for every man. It looks good on them. And definitely cover up the hairy calves which sometimes grossing the shit out of people. For those who do not know what trouser is like I do, below is the picture.

Isn’t the trouser looking too hot on this guy already?

A good choice of trouser is the best make up potion to bad wardrobe. Basic trouser can be paired up with tank top, sleek shirt, and T-shirt, and you are good to go for a day/night out. It gives you that macho yet approachable aura and expensive looking to others who see you. Colored trousers could also be worn if you are a vibrant joyful person.

Very often when I run out of idea of dressing myself up, I’d go for a plain color trouser and pair up with a desired color of T-shirt. Because it’s easy, breezy, and wonderful.

Picture extracted from Zalora official website : www.zalora.com.my/men/clothing/pants/

Remember, dressing simple is sexy.

 

xx