Finals

 

Dear Zach,

I have gone missing for a week to be exact. Final exams are in a week and I have been preparing it exhaustingly. For the one whole week, apart from going to the gym in the morning, I was staying in my own room doing revision all the time. My mind was literally blown off by the stuffs I have read and, sadly enough, I couldn’t have remembered what I read. Frustrating enough that I’d have to start all over again. Well, life as a student is always interesting. Just that I would have to do some adjustment for it so that it goes well. I can’t wait all of these to be over.

xx

Thank You

 

Dear Zach,

It’s such a thoughtful thing to do when people who have zero idea of who you are, sending you an email telling you to cheer up. Thank you for y’all concern.

For the past few weeks, I have been stressing about myself - my health, my studies, and my future. It is one of the life point where you have to make a huge decision for your own life. It is such a tough decision to be thought of. Especially when comes to my health wise, on the out side of me I may seem a healthy kid, but who knows what may have inside of me. Sometimes you just wanna kill yourself for doing the wrong thing and yet still repeating it all over again. If it is meant to be happened, it will somehow by any chance happen. If I were given one thing to do before I die, I’d spend my remaining time with my mum and dad, telling them what I have dreamed of, who I really am, and telling them they are the greatest persons none other than anyone that I’ve had ever loved in my whole life. Thank you.

#PurpleRibbonTeam

 

Dear Zach,

It’s finally over!

After months of preparing, researching, and writing with my heart and soul for my research proposal, after today presentation, I am finally done with that!

It was kind of nerve-wrecking while waiting for my turn to present. I gave the best I could, but I think it was not the best I did so far. Though I prepared adequately well for everything, it just lacked of something. Well, good thing it is over and I will have to wait until next few weeks to be able to get my project ongoing.

Finals are in two weeks. All I can say is … good luck.

Goes Wrong

 

Dear Zach,

I feel unease all of sudden. Even though I’ve gotten back home in the weekend, I feel something is terribly wrong and it really upset me most of the time. Shitty things happen one after another.

First is my research proposal that I needed to make amendment in the last minute as I have presentation to be prepared two days before the date is due. Fuck my supervisor actually. He could have told me earlier.

Secondly, the Microsoft office really fucked me upside down AGAIN. Thought it has been activated and will be lasted forever, sadly enough it mentioned on my screen saying it will be going unlicensed in two freaking days. So I downloaded version 2013 and installed. Followed step by step to make sure nothing goes wrong, only ended up saying it needs activation key AGAIN. I am speechless.

Here’s some pictures of my night out with my family:

Sad Day

 

Dear Zach,

I’m just sad today.

I just want to lay on my bed, close my eyes, and forget everything I hate about me.

I couldn’t. Because these imperfections have been part of me for a very long time. And will be forever tagging along with me til I die.

Life is really unfair at most of the time. Why do I have to be the one that have gone through the roller coaster rides to reach the destination?

Why can’t I have the similar road as Mr.Popular-and-Hot to have been able to get what ever he wants in his life?

I’ve always convinced myself if I work hard enough I would definitely get there. Only to lead to inevitable disappointment I’ve gotten used to have.

Not a single time I am able to get to enjoy a glorious moment in my entire fucking life.

It is just so pathetic. So pathetic I want to cry out loud but I couldn’t even squeeze a single drop of tear out of my eyes.

Life is so mess-up for me. And I will always be the one who clear up the mess and move on, pretending like it is just another casual downfall.

I am so sick and tired of this shits going on lately. Disappointment leads to another one. It seems unstoppable. Or maybe it is unstoppable.

I’ve had enough. I can’t do this anymore. If working hard enough isn’t going to work at all for me, I am not gonna work hard to get something I want.

If it is meant for me, then let it come to me.

I am tired. I want to curl in my bed. And cry. And drift into sleep.

I don’t want to wake up anymore.

If I Were To Start All Over Again

 

Dear Zach,

If there was any possibility that I was given a chance to start all over again for everything has to do with my sexuality, for some people that would be a HUGE yes, but for me I would rather give up on this chance of a lifetime to continue on my winding road as I knew it. I am pretty much contented with my own whirlwind going around me and it is adventurous to be able to have been through it by myself.

I really do not want to resort to the past year figuring out who the hell I am. I am pretty sure the journey would have been similar to what I had already gone through, except the formal one was way too exciting and thrilling and sometimes I got hardon when I think of it leisurely. I made mistakes along the way; I have learnt from them. But I would never repeat the same thing ever again. Learning can never be stopped until you are dead.

I believe everyone has their own story to be told in theirs’ most comfortable way. My blog is my own comfort zone and it is the only ‘friend’ I am able to find solace. I am glad that I am able to be stronger than I thought I could be every single day.

Life Lately …

 

Dear Zach,

… has been exhausting yet fulfilling. I literally have spent my entire time sitting in my room reading journal articles for my research purpose more than I read for the past few months I could remember. The good news is that I have done my research proposal and just some touching up has to be done before submission in two weeks time. It was such a huge relief when I finally have the huge burden off my chest only to realize exam weeks are only few weeks away.

I cannot help but to think about life after University as I am only few months away from finishing my entire degree life. It gives me shiver every time I try to think about it. Not because life after University sounds horrifying as what most people told me, is the time I spent in my University life that I am going to miss. Even though four years of having been in University, especially my own small room in dormitory, is not that long, I still consider this place as my second home. It feels like I have gotten used to life being here, independently work out my life day after day, and the best part is I have attached to this lifestyle I do not want to change it at all. Sometime changes are inevitable. Learning to relinquish something you love is the hardest part of all, but moving on from the original spot is of important. Soon I am going to have to adapt these changes and start a entirely new life after graduation.

Speaking of life after Uni, I have been thinking a lot about my career and job scope that I am interested in. It is such a headache moment when you want to look for a job that you really like that you do not want to spend the rest of your life raving and ranting about how sucks your job is. I have even discussed with my parents about my career and they are fully support of my whatever decision I will make. I have been asked if I intend to pursue my Master after that. Truth be told, I have not really given a thought about furthering my studies because I have zero intention of doing that. All I ever wanted to do is to get a decent job and start earn for living. I have to pick up my responsibility to take care of my parents even though I have my elder brother doing so. And my parents could not afford to have me going abroad for further studies. Hence, if I ever intend to do so I will have to start working my ass off for that. Plus, I want to spend as much time as possible with my parents as they are my closest people in the world. Life is too short and we can never predict what will gonna happen next in few hours. Bottom line, I would not want to go abroad for any occasion unless it is for business purpose.  

As for now, I just have to do my best as I can be to complete my studies. Hopefully, everything turns out to be good as I thought it would be.

The Secret of Happy Couples

 

Dear Zach,

I found this infographic couldn’t be more truer than it already does. Spend a minute or two to take a look at it to know how to have a happy relationship. This implies to every relationship regardless gay or straight. This totally sums up what I needed to say for a very long time.

Source : Here's How To Have A Happy Relationship, According To Science (INFOGRAPHIC)