no friend

Dear Zach,

Ever since I removed Grindr from my phone, I have been feeling quite lonely. It is not that I got to meet guys most of the time. But the constant anticipation of the grindr notification sound throughout the day is what I miss the most. Besides, most guys there are mostly Malays and I tried to avoid meeting them up. Ironically, I just got fucked by a Malay last week but he was just an old fling I met few months back. And I also got bred by another Malay last Friday in the motel room. What can I say? These 2 are the ones who have my number, and as a begger, I can't be a chooser.

A doctor friend of mine shifted his practice in town in the beginning of this month. He is staying alone in a condo close to his working hospital. We agree to meet up someday but he knows me damn well that I will not go all the way to downtown. Even if I go to his place, sex will always be involved between me and him. Probably it was just a courtesy text for letting me know he is in town for work for the next 6 months. I try to engage with him some topic for conversation but he seems not to be bothered. So I dropped it and move on. 

I look at my contact list, apart from those unsaved number who are my sex flings, I realize I have no friend. It is kinda depressing that I am sex toy for them. Is it me being too ignorant for a friendship that does not involve sex?