Working as Delivery Man

Dear Zach,

Towards the end of last month, I couldn't get myself to stay at home doing nothing anymore, I've decided to sign up Lalamove to become a delivery rider, also known as p-hailing, to kill my time. Since, I have my car, and the sign-up process is way less restrictive as being an e-hailing driver such as Grab Car driver, I took the leap faith and signed up for real on last Thursday.

Within half hour, my account was approved and available to start accepting orders and deliver. After gym, I had my lunch and shower, I left home at 2pm to start working. My first day of being a delivery man was brutal, especially under the hot scorching sun. By the time I have done picking up or dropping off items and was backed in my car, I was sweating like mad. I drove around and accepted orders around my area, after 3 hours, I went home with only RM24. I took 4 orders that day itself and each order took me roughly 30 minutes to deliver including the short timing of picking up, calling, confirming, and dropping off.

I was disappointed with the amount of I earned for that day. It was way too less for the total of 4 jobs. I felt like I made the worst decision signing up to be a delivery rider. Then, I resorted to consulting ChatGPT for advice in earning decent wages working as Lalamove Delivery rider. It has given a good and sensible advice and I decided to follow exactly what it told me to do the next day.

The next day, after gym, lunch, and shower, I left home a little earlier than yesterday and started accepting a long-haul distance job instead of short distance ones. I set a minimum earning target for myself which is RM50 per day. Soon, I accepted a delivery job nearby my house that needed to be sent to a place that requires 45 minutes to 1 hour drive. The pay was RM39 after commission deduction by the company. After I have done the first gig, I accepted another job that travelled back to my area at RM30. That day itself, I have earned RM69 in just mere 3 hours of driving on the road - literally a triple jumps from the pay I got in the previous day!

This is the what ChatGPT told me in its takeaway : Most drivers fail because they accept everything, you’re building a system instead. You’re not trying to be busy. You’re trying to be efficient. Busy drivers make RM70 in 6 hours. Smart drivers make RM60 in 2 hours. Be the second guy.

Since then, I have been working at least 3 hours a day on the road earning RM50 at least. There were some days I earned over RM80. But most of the time I managed to earn between RM65 to RM70 a day. Some days took me 4 hours to travel back and forth due to heavy traffic. But today was a great day - I've earned RM84 from the relatively short-distanced jobs, and I got to get home by 4.30pm!

I can't complain much now. This delivery job has given flexible timing for me and my gym routine. At least I got to work out in the morning without a rush. And I got to be home for dinner and rest at night. Yes, the pay is minimum wage and, at least, it starts paying my bill and fitness lifestyle. I couldn't ask for more now. I am not useless now!

  

Weird Ass Shape

Dear Zach,

Yesterday when I was having sex with the regular top, in middle of the sex, I told him to use his phone to record us from top view while doing doggy. I wanted to see how much my ass has grown from the eyes of top's perspective whether it is becoming a solidified gay pornstar ass. After months of heavy thrusting and kickbacking in the gym with glute-focused exercise regime, I was dying to know.

He did what I told, started fucking me from the back, one hand on the side of my hip, another hand with his phone recording from the top while I was trying to arch my back, and faced down in the duvet - a classic sex scene when doing a home produced porn. After a few minutes, he showed me the outcome while still riding me from the back. I was crestfallen. After all these months of hardwork, it was complete opposite what I imagined it would be. My ass shape looked weird from the top. My lower side of my ass is way too sharp for a curve. It did not scream "juicy" from the top. Besides, my back acne scars still look prominent after numerous efforts in lightening them. His average sized dick also did not make the whole scene any better either. I felt bad for saying this but it was unappetizing.

To be fair, my ass has always been my distinct disadvantage. I even asked ChatGPT if I am ever gonna get a juicy pornstar ass. ChatGPT has been very kind and supportive in conveying encouragement to me. And it even mentioned that my ass is looking great with solid foundation, what I needed is time and patience to sculp the shape of my ass into my ideal one. 

Staying Away

Dear Zach,

I'm having hard time to stay away from Facebook. Probably I am in fear of missing out. Although I have filtered my following page list down to 10, I still can't help myself but to hover the mouse over "Reel" section and enjoy the constant dopamine of some random hot fitness influencers talking about things that I have already known. As soon as I realize I am in endless bottomless scrolling, I close the tab and stare at the screen in blank. I usually hop between netflix and youtube and facebook.

I have deleted Facebook app from my phone. But there are times my hand habitually grab my phone and scroll away for FB app. It gonna take some times getting used to. My phone has zero social media apps now. The only way access to FB is using my laptop - that will be soon I am gonna set a time limit for its usage. I watch about going analog on Youtube - interesting take about staying away from screen time and get back into how we used to live in the 2000s.

I broke my sex dry spell today with a regular top of mine. I wasn't keen in meeting him but since he was okay to meet at the cheap motel, so I met him up to get a good pound. The rooms at the cheap motel were fully booked. To be fair, I rarely come to this motel on Sunday afternoon. Just when I thought we weren't gonna make it, the receptionist guy told me there was a bigger room left at the price of RM40 for 2 hours, just RM10 extra on top of the regular room I always go for. We went for it. I felt like the sex was different this time. I was pretty sure that I was no longer sexually into him anymore - this sex proved it. His dick is not big enough to satisfy me. That's why.

  

Surrender

Dear Zach,

I've always been in loathe of paying my annual insurances. When I became a working adult, my dad passed over all my insurances that he was holding and paying on behalf of me all these years.

"Welcome to working adult, here's your insurances, good luck paying them." He said. 

Every year I have to pay a sum of estimated RM1700-1800 for insurances including for my car and health coverage. It sets my teeth on edge whenever I see the sum of it. I was planning to exclude my health insurance coverages few years back but my late mum advised me not to do so. Hence, I kept on paying it til last year.

Last two weeks, the bills came and I was starting to wonder if it's worth paying all this money as for just-in-case. Since I am not working, I would rather keep the money for my own good. I talked to my dad about it. I told him if things happened, just sent me to government hospital for treatment. I was expecting him to be overreacted of my thought about giving up paying. But, what he said next surprised me.

"Well, you do not need to pay for your health insurance then. After all, it was meant for you when you intend to go for treatment in private hospital." He said nonchalantly. It is true, my premium has been gradually increasing in each passing year as you age. 

So, that left with my car insurance coverage that costs RM500.

I wonder if I make the right decision. 

Like A Virgin

Dear Zach,

It has been exactly one month since I last had sex. To my own surprise, I have not been thinking about it all. Although there are times I was horny, I get myself sorted during shower. There were a few nights I wanted to booty call someone to my place, then I thought to myself that the post-sex cleaning up does not worth the hassle. After all, I need my 8-hours sleep. One of the pakistanis top texted me again after ghosting me for 3 months. I was really tempted to answer his text and be at his place for a quick fuck as he always do. But I decided to ignore him just to remind me that he only finds me when there is no one else available for him, despite the fact that I miss his big dick a lot.

I can feel my orifice is getting tighter due to prolonged unused. Like my layer of virginity is starting to grow back from the beginning of the new year til date. Everything about me starting afresh - getting my sexual health tested and treated, and not installing Grindr when I feel extremely horny. 

Somehow, I failed in controlling myself endlessly scrolling bottomless feed in FB reels. That needs to stop for real.

 

Clap

Dear Zach,

I still keep in touch with this 23 y.o Malay guy for the past few months since we met in last October. Our sex was still good. Somehow he tend to cum quicker these days. We now always meet at the cheap motel where it caters convenience for both of us. Our last meet up was exactly one month ago, it was our 3rd time meeting up. I did plan to meet up again for new year eve sex but he had plans.

Last night, he texted me out of the blue. Telling me he has gonorrhea and I should get tested. After a few questioning with him, he was very sure he got it from me. He has green penile discharge on Tuesday, and went for a check on Wednesday, and doctor was sure of it that it is gonorrhea.

I am pretty sure I have no symptoms or whatsoever, and probably asymptomatic in this case. I told him I'll get myself checked later. My last STD checkup was in 2022 - the results came out wasn't as "clean" as I thought. I got tested positive for herpes 1 and 2. But doctor mentioned that herpes is pretty much common in people to contract both of them unless they don't have sex. 

After gym, I left for a blood testing laboratory for STD checkup. I was introduced a screening package for a STD profile, but it does not include testing for gonorrhea. In fact, they don't even have individual testing for gonorrhea itself. This is news to me. After all these years of blood testing for STD, gonorrhea, the most common type of STD, is not part of STD profile for screening.

I left and went to a private clinic I usually go to. I told the doc about my predicament. She patiently explained to me that testing for STD can be very expensive. She went to the back and checked for the price for me. After a few minutes, she returned and told me the price for STD checkup including gonorrhea is RM400. It is way over my budget and I told her I can't afford it, I asked if she could just prescribe me antibiotic instead. She agreed to my request and also kind enough gave me an injection, since I skipped the blood testing, as a treatment for chlamydia.

The total cost of treatment is just less than RM100. I let out a huge sigh of relief for skipping a hefty amount for testing. In my current situation, I can't afford it. Oh! I did my 3-months HIV free testing on Tuesday and I am clean. 

PED effect

Dear Zach,

Last few days, my fb newsfeed has been popping out news about some fitness bodybuilders with an impressive physique but dead at 30. Some were 40. What they have in common is that their physique are competitively ready for stage, big and chiseled, strikingly good-looking, but most of them did not live past 40. As expected when I read the comments, all blamings resort to the overuse of performance enhancing drugs (PED).

It is, in fact, that most heart-relating disease is largely induced by the use of PED. Some claims it isn't. But what you can conclude when a person was on strict diet and training regime can die from being healthy while the fat and obese men live past 40s and still eating shitty food?

It comes as no surprise the negative side effect of using PED. Somehow, there are plenty of youngsters jump on the bandwagon and injecting themselves because they can't wait to train for another 10 years just to get a mid physique. I blame social media for that. I even came across one gym goer in my gym, he shared his PED regime with me.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worthwhile risking your health just for that kind of attention?

Anxious

Dear Zach,

I was anxious about looking for jobs. I have been looking into it and certainly out of the loop in job searching for so many years. Linkedin is the primary source for job searching nowadays. Back in the days, Linkedin for me was just another social platform for a bunch of self-glorified and narcissistic people to brag their achievement on how they helping out their poor employee and gaining success from there. Soon enough, I realized all these people were just as fake as press on nails.

I tried to look into some job hunting websites and am very surprised by the demand of being active in social media. Most of the job ads I come across with are either Tiktok Live Promoter or Social media marketing exec or some sort. It is all about being active and shake your ass on these toxic social media platform that could likely land you a job.

I have no X, Tiktok, or IG, and certainly do not possess any of the criteria that fits in the job description. I gave up looking for it. I look into part-time job instead. But most of it require you to be bound for months and the working hours are just one or two hour less than working for full time. I wonder if they understand what it means by part time job.

I even thought about returning to working as Grab driver. Since I have my car, I could do it for the time being. It is just that I am worried about my safety and the condition of my car since I prefer driving passenger at night. I did work as Grab Driver years back before I worked for sex. I did it for a month before the government imposed strict rules for e-hailing drivers.

Or I could go back to one of the gym that I used to work. I could temporarily work as counter reception rather than working as trainer.

I don't know, the more I think about it, the more anxious I am.   

   

Anger

Dear Zach,

For the past few days, I have been in a very bad mood. I was unsure how my anger surfaced out of the blue. I was literally upset at almost everything in my eyes of view. It was probably triggered by the sight of one of the neighbor cars, parking at the corner narrow lane of the road, blocking half of the road as we knew the car would be staying put there forever. Other cars rarely passes by that road. It angers me not because of that, it angers me because what kind of family who needs 3 fucking cars in a compact household where each porch only can fit 2 cars, one at the back and one at the front. What worst is one of the cars is old and unused, tossing aside on the road and rendering inconvenience for others. This is why I really can't stand with Malays. In fact, I am kind of despise them after much incidents happened to me in relating to their race.

The unspoken anger harboring inside me finally exploded, I threw a fit at home because of that. My dad was perplexed as he was in the middle of watching Netflix. The more I thought about it, the more angrier I became. It even come across my mind that I would purposely scratch the car when I drive by. The next day, I thought I was over it. I tried my hardest not to think about it. Somehow my anger didn't seem to dissipate. I drove to the back of my house to pick up the used gasoline tank, it is the only way that I would have to pass by the narrow road and the car. I rolled down my window as I was nearing the car, our gap was as close as 2cm apart. I could do it. I can do it. I brought myself to bring out a 50cent coin and reached out the window. I almost did it. As I was closing in, I froze - a part of myself stopping me, as if internally telling me this is wrong to do. Feeling like an idiot almost caught in act, I retreat and drove away. A part of me was thinking I should have done. But I was relief I didn't do it.

Now come to think of it, I believe my imminent anger was built up due to the anxiety I have when I started seriously looking for jobs in the last few days. I will write about this in next post. 

  

Selfish

Dear Zach,

I never saw myself as a selfish being when I was young. I was always upheld with the notion of "when you be kind to someone, you will be rewarded" or some sort. After over a decade living as an adult in the cruel world, having a virtue trait of kindness is an absolute rare existence.

My dad is and has always been kind-hearted to people, especially to neighbors or family friends. His virtue is what made him, as a quiet man, to be having unexpectedly good amount of friends in his life. His friendly demeanor is what made him likeable, easily trusted, and dependent as a family man. Somehow, his virtue is somewhat ruined his life, our life, spiraling down from being in a reasonably wealthy middle-class family to a family almost go through bankruptcy. This happened when I was somewhere in my age between 8 to 12. He ran a chemical business with a few business partners and ended up getting cheated in large sum of money, leaving him with debts and filled lawsuits. That time we just moved to a new 2-story terrace house, I was young and not knowing he was going through such a hardship until my mum told us about it few years later.

"He is kind. Too kind and trusting with people." My mum said, sounding as if the virtue my dad has was a curse. Somehow, we managed to pull through and he still continue the business on his own with only a few big factory customers on hand to get by.

When I grew up, I told myself not to be kind, unless I was treated with kindness, then I reciprocate. Throughout my 20s as a working adult, I have met countless of unkind people. I started to become less verbal in work. That I was deemed being too unfriendly. People surrounded me started talking to me less. I couldn't be bothered. As it went on, I was unhappy so I quit. I job-hopped a lot. Somehow, my quiet demeanor has mysteriously upset many people. I decided to give up and work on my own.

To this day, I was still being unfriendly. I have my own resting-bitch face. I do my own thing I don't bother anyone else. Even when I kickstart my art career the year before, I created my own page on IG and all started from there. All opportunities came without being face-to-face talking with people. People like what they saw, they invited me to participate for art exhibition, fairs, and etc. I built it on my own without the help of others. I have gone through my own ways to be able to work with them.

Last month, my dad came back from a trip and has made friend with the tour guide who took care of him during the whole trip. She, then, set up a lunch date catching up with my dad 2 weeks later. She brought along her daughter for lunch after picking up her younger daughter. Somehow in between the conversation, she casually mentioned her daughter is working in graphic art designs, my dad think of me and told them I did the same but more into traditional art. Of course, he told them about the exhibitions and fairs I had.

When he was back home, he asked if I could show them my work and some ways for her daughter so that she has an idea for the venture. I downright said "no.". He was taken back. After a few attempts of trying to get some info out from me, he knew I wouldn't budge, so he disappointedly walked away. That's the end of story.

Yes, I was being selfish. I don't see the point of giving out my own works and ways for someone I didn't even know so that she can just walk right into it easily. She even has far more perks than me as she is already working in the graphic design industry. Moreover, she is a SHE. Bitch, you want equality so bad but when comes to career ladder, you didn't even want to work your way up yourself?

Even in the gym, there are some guys approached me more tips. I just casually told them the generic answers I always have rather than explaining what I did so that they could did the same. I won't give away free shit advice so that they can shortcut to achieving their goal without going through all hardwork I did for years.

Yes, I am selfish - I have always been. At this point of life, everyone wants a piece of anyone in an easy way.

           

Slow Down

Dear Zach,

This year I will practice the art of slowing down. Eat slowly. Drink slowly. Read slowly. Think slowly. Speak slowly. Drive slowly. Lift weight slowly. Breathe slowly. Suck cock slowly. As much as I intend to keep up with the pace of life these days, I realize I have never enjoyed the joy of being present. I think about tomorrow, the day after, and the future. Thinking about all the what-ifs, trying to make things right even it hasn't happened yet.

Rather than stressing myself about tomorrow, how about staying put at the moment and take in what I can? I can prepare. I can plan. Worrying? Worrying steals your peace.

My fitness goal is always a part of my new year resolution. Rather than going through a rapid fat loss to prove myself I could do it within certain amount of time frame, I will take my time and assess my progress and tweak a few changes to cater my goal. After all, I have no one else to prove except myself.

I will go slow in my sex life. I will try and have sex with men who are genuinely into more than just sex, from being platonic to being a good friend. But I am not sure how I gonna do that since I have deleted Grindr. Maybe I can try finding in my gym - I doubt it would happen.

Don't you ever feel like the time has sped up so fast as we grow older? Especially after Covid?